


Eye of the Storm

by orphan_account



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Malec, So much malec, cuteness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 23:48:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 62,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7129004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Malec with the two just being cuties :) All chapters after chapter 9 are Betad by pinkfyulongdragon (fanfiction.net), go check out her story which I am betaing :) Lemons in later chapters, although they are easy to skip if you don't like them! Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Frustration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super new to this site, so please tell me if I'm doing anything wrong because I probably am.
> 
> I would love to get feedback to improve my writing but please be nice and don't just post hate :)
> 
> Enjoy!

 

* * *

The bright April sun shone across my face as I growled internally at the blank page in front of me. Why was it that as soon as I sat down to write anything, the thoughts and ideas that had been dancing around my head for weeks decided that then was a good time to refuse to organise themselves, to refuse to collect themselves into a coherent sentence that could be written down. Sighing, I threw my pen to the grass and let my head roll back – an action that I regretted as soon as the rough bark of the tree I was sitting against connected with the top of my head.

Cursing under my breath I rubbed the back of my head and looked around me. Everyone around me was enjoying the sunshine, pretty miraculous sunshine to have this early on, but no one, least of all me, was complaining. My eyes skated over a blue haired girl wearing ripped jeans and listening to music, a little girl playing Frisbee with her father. All the happy families laughing and chatting around me.

A couple caught my attention. A lightly muscled, blonde boy was sitting on a rug with a small, delicate looking redhead resting her head against his chest, her long wavy hair flaring down his white T-shirt. The boy was holding a book in one hand while the other rested lightly on her shoulder, and his lips were moving as though reading aloud. The girl was resting a sketch book on her propped-up knees, and the pencil she held in her right hand skated over the page with confidence and skill. Her mouth was subtly curved up at the corners in a small smile, a look of utter contentment and peace on her face. She laughed, probably at something the boy had read, and turned her head up to look at him, as he leant down to give her a short kiss.

I blinked, realising I had been staring at them for far longer that was probably appropriate. Reaching for the now slightly damp pen that was lying in the grass, I returned my thoughts to history and the American Civil War. I struggled to organise my thoughts and managed to direct them into a short introductory sentence. Scratching out the miserable excuse of a first sentence I looked up again. It was then that I noticed the boy gazing at me.

His penetrating stare made me want to both curl up in a ball and hide and dance and leap around for joy. He had dark, olive coloured skin and graceful features; Asian I thought. His hair was spiky and seemed to shimmer in the sunlight, but it was his clothes that really drew my gaze. He was wearing tight, dark, leather trousers that showed the shape of the muscles in his legs, and an even tighter purple V-neck t-shirt, and a burgundy jacket over the top. His almond-shaped eyes were framed by dark eye pencil, and they were directed right at me.

It was at this moment that realized that he wasn't just staring any more, but walking over. Shit. I snapped my eyes back down to my paper, trying to look as busy as possible but panicking inside. Suddenly he was standing over me, a smile on his lips, his shadow covering my face.

"Can a paper on…" The man looked at the title of my paper "… The American Civil War really be that interesting?" He said with a small chuckle

"Uhhh." I fumbled for words. "Not really, I guess I thought that it I… If I looked like I was busy… I was just hoping you'd ignore me." I eventually managed, stumbling over my words.

"I'm Magnus," He said, seating himself next to me. "You?"

"Alec Lightwood," I said, far too conscious of how close he was to me, and the faint smell of sandalwood and citrus that was emanating from him. "Short for Alexander, but only my parents call me that." It was then that I noticed how beautiful Magnus' eyes were. They were a deep green but had small flecks of gold scattered in them, like the suns shattered beams reflecting off a calm sea at dusk.

"Pleasure to meet you," He said. "Alexander" He added, smiling slightly at my less than pleased reaction. Although outwardly my face had arranged itself into a look of indignation, I was secretly pleased with the way my name rolled off of Magnus' tongue; lingering over the sounds and sounding like a sweet melody, contrasting to the harsh, ridiculousness of the way my parents said it, more like the bark of a dog.

"Do you go to the university?" I asked, desperately trying to cover my inner reaction to Magnus' words.

"I just graduated, last year. I'm working at a coffee shop a couple of minutes' walk away, obviously putting my art degree to great use making pretty swirly patterns in the top of people's coffees." He laughed dryly.

Suddenly a loud 'ping' sounded, coming from Magnus's pocket. He checked his phone and sighed, evidently annoyed. He shoved the phone back into his pocket without replying and looked at me.

"I have to go back, my lunch break is, regrettably, over," He said, sounding strangely pissed off. "I was enjoying it so much as well."

Then without warning, he plucked the pen I was still holding out of my hand and scribbled something on the corner of my paper and looked up at me. Again I was struck by his eyes. "Call me," He said, wiggling his eyebrows at me and winking.

Blushing, I muttered an agreement and waved my hand, rather feebly, at the back of his head as he walked away.

Accepting defeat on my essay, I collected my books and shoved them haphazardly into my bag and walked back to my flat, a newly found spring in my step.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of that, I would love to hear your opinions on this :)
> 
> Next chapter should be up soon, I've already done half of it and I promise it will be a lot longer than this one!


	2. Butterflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter, so enjoy :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I forgot to say this last time, but I do not own any of the characters, they all belong to the amazing Cassandra Clare.

That night as I lay in bed, it was like those green-gold eyes were burned into my eyelids, as every time I closed my eyes to sleep, Magnus' eyes would appear. I couldn't do anything without hearing his voice, smelling his citrus and sandalwood scent, seeing his face with its graceful features, his arching cheekbones.

What was happening to me?

I'd had crushes before, had been attracted to people, even if it had never led to anything, but never anything like this. This was new, a sensation I had never experienced before. I wanted to be near him, to talk with him again, to learn more about him, his interests, his hobbies. There was just one problem.

How was I, Alec Lightwood, supposed to pluck up the courage to call him? I had always been shy and a bit of a loner. I tended to prefer being alone than with others. The only person I could ever talk to without reservation was my little sister, Isabelle, despite the fact that she was my absolute polar opposite. Izzy was confident, charismatic, sexy and outgoing, yet we had a bond like nothing else in my life. I certainly didn't have it with my parents, and my little brother Max was too young to understand the troubles I faced.

I thought of all the fond memories I had of her. Me yanking on her plaits when we were younger that had turned into me gently tugging her hair as a symbol of affection, the two of us playing with a new-born Max. I knew what she would tell me to do. Smiling sleepily at the warmth I got thinking of her, I promised myself that in the morning I would call Magnus and talk to him.

That was how I found myself the next morning, holding my phone in one hand, with the other hovering its index finger at the call button, completely stationary, as a fierce battle raged inside my head. A sudden shout came from outside the door, probably one of my neighbours, and I jerked, involuntarily pressing the call button.

I nearly dropped my phone in shock and panic, and fumbled with it, pushing the phone up towards my ear. I was just in time, as the second I got it against my ear there was a click and I heard that melodic, fluid voice again.

"Hello," Magnus said, a bit sleepily.

My tongue felt useless, unable to move. Why had I thought that this was a good idea? He'd probably forgotten me already. To him, I was probably just a distraction. A passing conversation to entertain him, he probably didn't expect me to actually call him.

"Hello?" Magnus asked again, a note of confusion creeping into his voice.

"Yeah, hi, it's me" I cursed myself for the vagueness of my words, of course, he wouldn't know who I was. "Sorry, it's Alec, the person you were… we met yesterday, in the park?"

"Alexander!" He suddenly sounded alert and cheerful. "I was beginning to think you'd never call."

Amazing, isn't it? How just a few words can lift the weight pressing down on your stomach and leave you feeling light and elated.

"I was actually considering it," I said, hoping to lighten the mood and cover up my previous clumsy words.

Magnus chuckled. An awkward silence ensued, and I realised Magnus was waiting for me to say something. I steeled myself. The little confidence I had gained before seemed to be slowly trickling out of my body, the longer I took to try and say the words. I took a deep breath.

"Would you, um, like to meet for a coffee, maybe sometime today, or tomorrow, or the day after, I mean I'm not really bothered when but… yeah…" My voice trailed off and I could feel myself blushing with how stupid that had sounded. Everything that came out of Magnus' mouth sounded rehearsed, fluid and confident. Whereas I just ended up spurting words out at random, hoping they would make sense.

"Yeah okay, that sounds good," Magnus said, and for a second time that day, I nearly dropped the phone in surprise. "How about today? it's my day off. Or at least, it will be when I persuade Jordan to take over my shift at the café"

I blinked, surprised that Magnus would make that effort to see me. This realisation that he did actually want to see gave me a boost of confidence. "If you meet me at my flat, we could grab coffees from the café next door and go for a walk?" I asked tentatively. When he confirmed that I told him the address, and he promised to be there in half an hour.

I panicked remembering Magnus' flamboyant style and thinking of my baggy jeans and holey jumpers. I walked to my drawers and began to look through the perfectly organised piles. I wasn't sure what I should do. Should I dress in a more similar style to his? Or would that make him think that I was dressing up for him? Would that be a bad thing? Or should I wear the same tattered jeans and hoodie I was wearing yesterday? I eventually settled on a pair of jeans that were slightly more snug that my usual ones, and a long sleeved grey t-shirt with my black jacket over the top. I didn't need to go over the top.

The effect Magnus was having on me was striking, even after only knowing him for one day. Suddenly I cared about how I looked? I had always ignored Izzy's incessant badgering about improving my fashion sense. She always had wanted me to wear less holey jumpers and more skinny jeans and tight T-shirts, to show off my 'bod', she said. She knew that it was the one thing about myself that I was the proudest of. Throughout my teenage years, I had bottled up and repressed my uncertainty and anxiety, and had been desperate to find some outlet for these emotions. I found it in the punching bags, the long runs. I pushed myself until my muscles felt like liquid, every breath dragged into my lungs was a stab in the chest and my heart beat so hard it felt like it wanted to push its way out of my chest and escape the caged existence it lived inside my ribcage. It was an escape for all my trapped insecurities, which was what resulted in the toned muscles, the hard biceps and the flat stomach.

I checked my tattered watch, the one I had been given as an eighteenth birthday present from Max, and had been worn so much the dark leather had softened and faded, and the edges had begun to fray. Five minutes until Magnus would arrive. Shit. Thankfully I was a pretty neat guy, so there were no stacks of dirty plates and clothes strewn over the sofa, but I straightened the sofa cushions just in case and perched on the edge of the kitchen counter, waiting.

Then the doorbell rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliff-hangerish ending! Next chapter will be their first proper date, and possibly their first kiss too, I haven't decided yet. I am still not sure what direction I want this story to go, so any suggestions are welcome!
> 
> Please leave comments about what you thought of my story/writing, they absolutely make my day!


	3. Electricity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So congrats to me! This is my first chapter to pass the 2000-word mark, so hurray! If you are a diehard Malec fan like me, you have probably noticed a couple of similarities between this and The course of true love (And first dates) and that's because I read it again today, and am buzzing with the glory of Cass's writing, so decided to put a couple of elements from there into here.
> 
> Disclaimer: As usual, all the characters belong to Cassie

I took a shaky breath, shoved my phone into my back pocket, draped a scarf around my neck and grabbed my keys and wallet, awkwardly trying not to drop them as I hurried over to the door and opened it.

Magnus was standing outside, his green/gold eyes fixed on me, his dark hair swept back with a hint of shimmer in it. His stare was enough to make me lose the already precarious grip I had on my keys and they slipped from my fingers.

Blushing I reached down to pick them up, fumbling with them, my hand shaking slightly from trepidation and nerves.

I stood up to see Magnus watching me with an amused smirk on his lips.

"Hi," I said, a little embarrassed.

"Alexander," He smiled and I could feel the effect just that one word was having on me. "Shall we?"

He held out his hand, smiling. Shoving my keys into my pocket, I nervously took it with my own. Together we walked across the busy road, trying to avoid the cyclists that whizzed past us, and walked into the coffee shop that was so conveniently right next to my house.

It felt like every time I moved, the hand clasped in my own would send out a series of tiny electric shocks. It was exciting, yet also felt like a release from the stress and tension that seemed to have been building up inside me over the past couple of months. It felt like trust, comfort. It felt like what home should feel like.

Catarina, the waitress, smiled at me, but when she noticed me and Magnus' linked hands looked like she could barely contain her excitement. We had bonded when we had first met, and she still came over to my flat for pizza and Netflix at least once or twice a week. It was our favourite inside joke, that her dorm's Wi-Fi was so slow that it would be faster to walk half a mile across campus to the library, the only place with free Wi-Fi, than to stay in and wait for anything to load. It had become a regular pattern: she would march into my flat, curl up on my sofa and open her laptop to do an assignment that was due the next day, no matter what I said in an attempt to dissuade her. We reached the front of the queue, and as she took our orders (Me a black coffee and Magnus a chai latte) I could see her giving me a look that said that she was coming over to interrogate me as soon as she could.

We got our drinks and, hands still entwined, we walked through campus, not really paying attention to where we were walking. We talked about lots of different things. About music, school, films, our lives. I told him about Max and Izzy, but swiftly steered the course of conversation towards more mundane topics as soon as my parents were mentioned. Magnus had obviously noticed, but to his credit had not pressed the issue and let the matter pass with only a small sideways look. We walked and talked and laughed for about half an hour, hands still linked the whole time. I found out about his passion for art, how he aspired to own a gallery when he was older. The way his face lit up when he talked about it reminded me of the way I felt when I talked about some of my fondest memories with my siblings. He, like me, seemed reluctant to talk about his parents. I did, however, manage to infer that he had no siblings. I was so immersed in our conversation that when the light drops of rain began to fall on my face it took me a couple of minutes to even realise it.

"Maybe we should get inside?" Magnus asked, laughing. Raindrops fell into his hair and trickled slowly down his face, leaving what looked like shimmery tear tracks.

I shook my head, "No, let's wait it out" I didn't want my time with Magnus to end. I was worried if anything changed the moment would be over, or the feeling of trust and comfort that seemed to have built up over the course of our walk would vanish. "I'm sure it'll end soon"

We took shelter under a small tree, and as the rain pattered down around us, and I became aware of how close together we were. Our eyes locked. Blushing I looked away and looked around, trying to find anywhere else to direct my gaze. With a jolt, I realised that during our wanderings we had gone in what was almost a full circle, and ended up just a couple of minutes walk away from my flat. The rain intensified and showed no sign of stopping, so I turned to Magnus.

"My flat is actually just around the corner; we could maybe go there?" I suggested, half shouting so that Magnus could hear me over the rain. Magnus looked at me, and with a curve of his lips, nodded in agreement.

Pulling him by the hand that was still clasped in my own, we began to run through the rainstorm. I reminded myself to slow down so that Magnus wouldn't get left behind me, but I didn't need to. He kept up with me easily, only staying a little behind me to allow me to lead the way. As we passed the coffee shop, I glanced in and saw Cat smiling and giving me the thumbs up through the rain-spattered window.

When we reached the entrance to my flat, I reluctantly let go of Magnus' hand and unlocked the door, holding it open for Magnus to walk inside and closing it behind him. Leading him into the apartment I became aware of how soaking I was. My clothes stuck to my skin and my hair hung limply in my eyes, dripping steadily onto the floor. At this point, I realised that Magnus' clothes were in a similar condition. His button down shirt clung to his skin and revealed the shape of his chest, and I could feel something in my stomach tightening as my eyes roved over Magnus. I was blushing, and beneath the chill of the rainwater still sticking to my face my cheeks felt hot. Magnus turned around, and I could see the same expression on his face as he took a sharp intake of breath and bit his lip, smiling. I could tell that, just like the phone call, he would wait for me to make the first move. He would wait for me to be ready.

I edged closer to him until there were only a couple of inches between us. One of my hands reached to reclaim Magnus' and the other snaked up to his face to trace the outline of his lips. I felt the hand I held tighten around my own and felt a sharp exhale of breath he seemed to have been holding on my fingers.

I was being far more forward than was like me, but it was as though Magnus' very presence just lifted me up and made me feel like I could do anything if I wanted to.

I moved the hand on his face to cup his cheek and felt his free hand edge its way around my back, catching the bare expanse of skin between my waistband and soaking T-shirt. His thumb caressed my hand and he moved a little closer, pushing one leg between my own. I gasped at the sensation and heard a soft moan come from Magnus' throat. I was sure he could feel the way that my legs were shaking, as though they were about to give out.

The realisation of what was happening hit me like a blast. This was happening. Right here, right now. This was my first everything. My first date; my first kiss; the first time I had ever felt this strongly about anyone. The thought of my inexperience scared me. But I wanted it more than anything.

"Alexander" He murmured, and that word, like a soft caress that floated delicately from his mouth, intended solely for me, was all the encouragement I needed.

I leant forward, my lips shaking slightly, and hesitantly pressed my mouth to his.

His lips felt like fire through the chill of rainwater and responded eagerly to mine. I reached my hand around the back of his head to slide my fingers through his damp hair. The hand interlaced with mine moved, guiding my hand up to join the other in his hair, and once it was there he released my fingers and moved his to the soft spot at the back of my neck. His fingers twirled around strands of hair, drawing feather-light circles on the back of my neck and making my breathing intensify.

Our lips slid against each other, dancing to the tune of our bodies. His teeth grazed my lower lip and his tongue ran along the seam of my closed lips. Gradually, I parted my lips and experimentally pushed my tongue forward to shyly poke Magnus'. One hand moved from his hair to his back, while the other involuntarily clenched into a fist around his hair, pulling it slightly. That seemed to do it for the self-control Magnus was obviously exerting on himself.

His hand clutched at the bare skin of my back and slid up under my shirt, frictionless against the damp skin. My breath hitched in my throat and our kisses turned into a fierce battle of teeth and tongues and lips. I pulled him over to the sofa, where I collapsed, pulling him down on top of me. My heart was racing and I could feel Magnus' heartbeats through our damp T-shirts. I hooked my legs around his, my feet resting in the crook of his knees, my calves pressed tightly against his upper legs.

Magnus pulled away for a moment, and I panicked. Had I done something wrong? But he just stared at me for a moment, and I stared at him, mesmerised by his shining eyes. He pushed one hand around the back of my neck and kissed me briefly on the lips, working his way along my jaw up to my ear. He nibbled on my earlobe and I felt his heavy breathing hot in my ear.

I let out a soft moan, arching my back. My frenzied hands moved all over Magnus' torso, my fingers tracing the edges of his shoulder blades, his collarbones, pressing my palms flat against his chest as his mouth moved over the exposed soft skin under my jaw to the side of my neck. He sucked gently, but I wanted more. My arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer if that was even possible. I moved my legs up to cradle his body, using my toes to push my shoes off and kick them across the room. I briefly noticed the thump as they hit the wall, but I was too preoccupied with the sensation of Magnus' lips moving across my throat to give them more than half a second's attention.

"Don't stop" I gasped, in between moans. I felt the pressure of teeth as he gently bit down on my neck. I nearly cried out and cupping his jaw with both hands I pulled his face up to meet mine again and reconnected our lips. His tongue dived into my mouth and I could feel it sliding against mine. I returned the kiss just as vigorously and, unpractised as I was, I could sense the effect I was having on Magnus. He reached one hand down my back to slide into the back pocket of my jeans, I gasped and reached for the buttons of his shirt.

However, I had barely got the first one undone before Magnus had pulled away and sat up on the other end of the sofa. At first, I didn't care why he had moved away, I just wanted his mouth fastened on mine again and his hands back on my body. Then I realised how fast we were moving and how unprepared I was to expose myself in such a vulnerable way to someone I had met less than 48 hours ago. I looked at Magnus, trying to convey how grateful I was that we hadn't gone any further. I'd known him for such a short time, yet, somehow from our conversation as we walked, I felt more comfortable around Magnus than I ever had around anyone, except perhaps Izzy. Despite this, I wasn't ready.

"Sorry," I gasped, in between deep breaths. "I shouldn't have… we should take more time"

He smiled "Don't apologise Alexander" and I shivered at the way my name flew off his tongue.

His damp hair was rumpled, his lips were swollen with kisses and his shirt was creased, and I was sure I didn't look any better.

"I shouldn't have let it go on for as long as I did, Alec. It's just…God, you make it difficult to stop"

He smiled and placed a lingering kiss on my lips that got my heart racing just as fast as before and made me focus all my self-control into keeping my hands by my sides. As it was, I couldn't stop them from tightening around the cushion, nearly ripping the soft fabric. He jumped off the sofa, grabbed my hand and pulled me up to face him, drawing me closer than he had probably meant to. Stepping backwards, he checked his watch "I have to go." He said, a regretful edge to his tone.

"Oh, okay," I said, not even bothering to hide my disappointment. "Will we… Can I call you later?"

"I look forward to it" Magnus replied, with a suggestive twinkle in his eye, and with one final swipe of lips along my cheek, he walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! I hope you enjoyed that!
> 
> I seem to be churning out chapters here as a way of putting off doing my holiday work so there should be a new one out very soon. I've already planned it out and a certain sister could possibly be making an appearance…
> 
> Again I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas for what to do with this so please let me know!


	4. Interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm writing this before I write the chapter so I don't know where its gonna go, but enjoy it! 
> 
> One more thing: In the text conversations Alec is the one in italics, and the person he is texting is in bold :) This is going to be the same for every chapter in the future.
> 
> Disclaimer: Cassie owns it!

It had been a few days since my date with Magnus, and we hadn't communicated at all, except for a couple of texts:

I had fun yesterday :) We should do it again

Me too

I'll try and find a time

I still wasn't sure why I had said that. Apart from Cat, and Izzy every month or so, I basically never had plans.

It wasn't as if I didn't want to see him, I really did. My thoughts drifted to him more times than I could count over the last few days. I think I was just afraid of what might happen if we did see each other.

I knew we had moved too fast. We barely knew each other, no matter how natural it had felt in that moment. And though I didn't want to admit it, I was still uneasy with what had happened. At least Magnus had stopped us. I was extremely grateful to him for that.

Maybe I was still in shock from the events of the other day.

I had surprised myself with how eager I had been. I knew I was shy, socially awkward; It was Izzy's favourite thing to tease me about, yet I had been more forward with Magnus than I had been with anyone. Ever.

I shook my head, in an attempt to clear it. These disjointed, scattered thoughts had been racing around my head for days and I needed to stop running through them over and over again.

Another surprising thing was the absence of Catarina. I had expected her to be pounding on my door as soon as her shift was over, demanding to know all the details. While I wasn't exactly sad, I really didn't want to have to go over it again, every time I thought about it I could feel myself blushing, her lack of interest was confusing.

The doorbell rang loudly, disturbing me from my reverie and making me jump. Groaning, I grudgingly stood up and went to the door. My heart simultaneously did a little dance, and sunk down to my naval at the thought of it being Magnus. I took a deep breath, and opened the door.

I got a brief view of the dimming sky, the beautiful colours fading and turning to a dark blue, before the breath I had just taken was knocked out of me and my vision obscured by my attacker's wild hair as the visitor flung themselves at me, jumping up to wrap their arms around my neck. As I struggled to keep my balance and get my breath back, I looked down and recognized the waist length, midnight black, curly hair that belonged to my little sister.

I was stunned to see her, and bewildered by her enthusiasm. I returned the hug and kissed the top of her head.

"Nice to see you too, Izzy" I said, laughing to hide my confusion, as she pulled out of the hug, wearing the biggest grin I had ever seen.

Suddenly something in my brain clicked, and I realised something.

I groaned, "Catarina told you, didn't she?" That explained why Cat hadn't come over, Izzy had obviously told her to stay away, to let her have a go at me first. I knew I should never have let them become friends.

"Yup" Her eyes sparkled mischievously and she marched into my flat, and settled herself, cross-legged, on my bed. Following her, and shutting the door behind me, I prepared myself for the incoming storm.

"I'm so proud of you! my big brother's got a boyfriend!" I squirmed slightly at that word. "What's his name? Is he cute? Cat said he was kind of cute but had a slightly, um, flamboyant fashion sense? What did you guys do? Oh my god have you guys kissed? Have you slept together? How long have you known him?" All of that came out in in probably less than five seconds. I could only just make out each word because I was so used to it.

I knew there was no stopping her when she wanted to know something, so I resigned myself to telling her about Magnus.

I sighed. "He's called Magnus Bane. We met a few days ago"

"Ooh cool name" She wiggled her eyebrows, "But, is he cute?"

I blushed. "Yeah, I guess." I had never appreciated the phrase 'I wanted the ground to swallow me up' more than in that instant.

"Can I see a picture?" She said, and before I could protest she had reached down and plucked my phone off the bed and entered my passcode, but when she opened the photos app she made a face and chucked the phone back at me. I caught it and stuffed it into my pocket. "I can't believe you have no photos of him" She complained, pouting.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Now tell me about your date. All Catarina said was that you were holding hands and bought coffee. And then later you were running through the rain, soaking wet. Still holding hands." She smiled at my look of outrage. I was going to kill Catarina. "What happened?"

"We just talked and wandered around here. Nothing more." No way was I going to tell her about the kiss. I was afraid she'd start actually jumping up and down

She didn't look convinced. "Uh huh," she said, looking at me sceptically. "You didn't kiss then?"

"No" I was desperately trying to stop myself from blushing, or showing any form of emotion at all. I failed.

"OH MY GOD." She screamed, and my neighbour yelled something indistinct through the wall that I'm pretty sure was something along the lines of: 'Shut your girlfriend the fuck up, Lightwood" but I was pretty sure there was a lot more of, with far more colourful language than that.

Izzy's hands flew to her mouth, and she supressed a laugh, glancing at the wall that the voice had come from. "You kissed him?" She asked, her voice back to a normal volume. "Was it, you know…" She wiggled her eyebrows again and leaned forward. "Sexy?" she stretched the word out, pronouncing every syllable in the most suggestive way she could.

I spluttered, grappling for words. "No, I mean yes, but no way." I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair. "No way am I talking about this with you."

"But I told you all about my stuff" Izzy said, frowning in mock hurt.

I winced, remembering endless nights spent trying to fake excitement every time Izzy started raving about her newest romantic interest, knowing that it would inevitably end in one of two ways: either Izzy would march home and spend a week bitching to me about the boy in question, or she would end up storming around the house, covering her depression with anger. I loved her to the moon and back, and would trust her with anything, but my God did she not make it easy.

"All right, fine." Iz threw her hands up in the air in surrender. "I give up." She grinned and hopped off the bed, making a beeline for my coffee machine. "But as much as it might surprise you, I didn't come here just to gossip about my big brother's boyfriend." She directed a brief amused look at me when I, again, squirmed at that word. Then she began to move around the kitchen, grabbing cups and coffee, completely familiar with where everything was.

"I wouldn't put it past you." I muttered darkly.

She gave a small 'Hmm' in agreement. She handed me a steaming cup of black coffee, then continued. "I actually need to crash here. One of my friends is down here for a while and I'm meeting them. Unless you're going to be using your sofa for…other things" She said, collapsing on it. That actually hit a little too close to home, and I turned my head away, blushing

"Alec!" she said, hitting my arm and jumping back off the sofa almost as soon as she had sat down, like the sofa was some absurd trampoline. "On second thoughts I'll sit somewhere else."

"Oh, no we didn't-" Blushing, I stumbled over my words, searching for what to say. "Nothing more happened, we just… we just kissed a bit." I muttered. This was going a little too far. I needed to end this conversation quickly.

"Yeah?" Izzy's eyes sparkled. "And when do I get to meet him?"

"Okay, that's enough." I crossed my arms and looked her in the eyes. "We aren't talking about this anymore. Of course you can crash here, but you are forbidden from mentioning him. Like, at all. Ever."

She rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Fine." She said, and returned to her spot on the sofa, grabbing the remote and flicking the TV onto an episode of Doctor Who, where eyebrows guy was running around a castle. I didn't have a clue what was happening, I didn't watch Doctor Who.

Max had made Izzy watch it with him, and now she followed it religiously. It had definitely earned her points with her current boyfriend, Simon. He was actually completely different from the type of boys I'd had to put up with. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, if a little too clingy and talkative for the two of us to actually get on well. He was, as Izzy put it, 'Nerd hot'. Only time would tell where the hell that relationship would go.

Sighing, I affectionately ruffled her curls. She could be such a pain in the neck, but her presence was comforting and I was secretly happy to have her here.

"I'm going to my room." I said, picking my coffee up from the kitchen counter and smiling at Izzy's inattentive 'hmm', too absorbed in the episode. I grabbed my book and toppled onto my bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. First off, I'm sorry this chapter took longer than usual to post. I find writing dialogue way harder than anything else, and this has loads so I was just taking way longer. Sorry for no Magnus in this chapter, he's definitely going to be in the next one.


	5. Misconceptions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a reeeaaaally long car journey, so I am hopefully going to write this entire chapter all in one go. I'm already missing my online thesaurus, though :(
> 
> I just wanted to include a thank you to all the people who left reviews on the last few chapters. Whenever I check my email and see that someone else has left a review it makes me smile, and then I'm annoying happy for the rest of the day. So, thank you to the lovely people who leave reviews, follow this story or favourite it. You are basically my favourite people at the moment so thanks

Half an hour later, I was still on my bed reading. Everything was peaceful if you ignored the muffled crashes from the TV that drifted through the wall every now and then. I should have been relaxed, but my heart rate kept on speeding up and my breath quickening as my thoughts drifted to Magnus, as they had been doing incessantly over the last few days.

Suddenly the muted bangs and crashes stopped, Izzy had turned the TV off.

"I'm going to have a shower, that cool?" Izzy shouted through the wall.

"Sure, just don't use my shampoo," I replied. She didn't reply, I was fairly sure that she hadn't heard that last part.

I reached into my back pocket, where my phone still was after I had snatched it away from Izzy earlier, and turned it on. I flicked through it and reached Magnus's contact tab. I felt like I should call him. I considered the phone for a second but threw it back down to the bed after a few seconds. I couldn't call him. I sighed, running my hands agitatedly through my hair, and my eyes fell on the phone again.

I picked it up again, but dropped it again soon after. I couldn't make up my mind. I was too indecisive.

I was so immersed in my thoughts that when Izzy shouted that she had got out of the shower, it took me a couple of seconds to register it.

"Alec?" She asked, a note of confusion creeping into her voice.

"Yeah, sorry," I said, hurrying to cover up my absent-mindedness. "I was just distracted." This was getting me nowhere. I needed to have a shower. I could think in there. "I'm going to have a shower too, now you're done. You can use my room to change if you want."

I emptied the contents of my pockets onto my chest of drawers so they wouldn't get splashed, and stepped out of my room. Izzy entered behind me, murmuring thanks as she passed me. I closed the door on her and headed over to the bathroom.

I stripped, chucked my clothes into a corner so they wouldn't get wet, and got into the shower, turning it on. The hot water pounded on my head and back like needles, and I felt my muscles start to relax. Of course, my mind returned to Magnus. I couldn't keep him out of my head. I really wanted to get past the awkward patch we had stumbled into after our kiss had got too heated. I wanted to see him, and go on more dates with him, learn more about him. Kiss him again. If I ever wanted any of those things to happen, I needed to talk to him.

I reached for my shampoo, noticing that almost half of it was gone. I felt a brief flash of both irritation and fondness for Izzy and made a mental note to confront her about it later. I washed my hair, rubbing the shampoo into a lather, then tilting my head back to rinse it out.

I turned the shower off, drying myself with a towel, and made up my mind. I would call Magnus. I would talk to him as soon as I was dressed.

With newly found confidence, I wrapped the towel around my waist and was just about to unlock the door and exit the bathroom when I heard the doorbell ring.

"I'll get it," Izzy shouted at me. I waited in the bathroom, not wanting to appear half naked in front of a potential stranger. I was just grabbing another towel to mop up the splashed water on the bathroom floor when I heard the voice that responded to Izzy's enthusiastic 'Hello' and froze.

It was Magnus.

My insides seemed to go into a frenzy. My heart did a somersault, my lungs collapsed and seemed unable to draw breath, my stomach filled with butterflies. My head snapped up to listen to the conversation.

"...wondering if Alec Lightwood was in?" Magnus asked, clearly confused to who the tall, attractive girl answering my door was.

"He's in the shower" Izzy explained. "I can give him a message if you want?"

Magnus said something that I didn't hear, then spoke up. "No, it's fine, don't worry about it."

"Well, I'll let him know you were here. What's your name?"

"No, don't worry. I… um. I have to go." Magnus sounded disappointed and I heard the door close as he walked out.

"Who was that, Alec?" Izzy asked as I left the bathroom.

I noticed that Izzy was still just in a towel, and I realised how it must have looked. A pretty girl wearing only a towel answering the door while I was still in the shower.

"Shit," I muttered. "That was Magnus."

I didn't catch Izzy's excited reply because I had rushed into my room and was pulling clothes on as quickly as I could. I just needed to catch up with him and explain.

When I was dressed I dashed out of my room and hurried out of my flat, just hearing Izzy's "Good luck!" as I shut the door behind me.

I caught sight of Magnus just as he turned the corner at the end of my road, and I hurried over to him, tapping him on the shoulder when I reached him.

"Magnus, wait," I said, only a little bit out of breath. "Let me explain. It's not how it looks."

"There's nothing to explain, we never actually dated." There was a bitter edge to his words. "You don't owe me anything, and that girl-"

"Is my sister," I said, cutting him off.

"Oh." He looked embarrassed. I was finding his embarrassed blush way too distracting. "Sorry."

"It's fine. It was an easy assumption to make. Do you…Do you want to get a drink?" I asked hesitantly, hoping that the encounter with Izzy wouldn't make him say no.

"Yeah, that sounds nice." I let out a breath I hadn't even realised I was holding.

He took my hand, just like our date the other day, and the combination of relaxation and electricity sparking up and down my arm returned. We walked to a bar nearby, neither of us talked. It wasn't an awkward silence, more of a relaxed, contented silence. Our only interaction was the occasional eye contact before we both smiled and looked away, slightly embarrassed.

We entered the bar and grabbed a table in a secluded corner. The place was mostly empty, there was a couple holding hands and staring into each other's eyes but that was pretty much it, apart from the bartender wiping glasses and looking bored.

"Do you want anything?" Magnus asked.

"A beer would be great," I responded, reaching into my pocket to grab my wallet. Except, of course, I didn't have it because I had left the house in such a hurry. I didn't have my phone, or my keys either. "Crap," I said.

Amusement sparkled in his eyes. "I'm offended, Alexander. What kind of God awful date would I be if I made you pay for your own drink?"

I watched him snake his way past the tables and walk to the bartender. He leaned forward over the bar, giving me an excellent view of- I looked away, blushing scarlet, before that train of thought got too carried away.

Magnus returned with two beers and settled himself in the seat opposite me, sliding my drink across the table.

"So that was your sister huh?" Magnus said. "Izzy right?" I glanced up from the table, surprised he had remembered her name.

"Yeah. You know that waitress at the coffee shop who served us the other day?" I asked.

"The one who kept looking at us and smiling. She looked like she was about to explode." He said, laughing. "She was difficult to forget." I was surprised again about Magnus's attention to detail.

"She's a friend of mine," I explained. "She texted Izzy, so Izzy came up to interrogate me, using a friend of hers as an excuse to hang around for a few days. She actually only arrived a few hours ago." He was looking at me, an amused smile on his face. "What?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing." He said, but when I raised my eyebrows sceptically he continued. "You just get this expression on your face when you talk about her. It's cute how obvious it is how much you care about her."

I blushed and took a sip of beer to have something to do, somewhere else to look at. I felt a warm pressure on my ankle and realised Magnus had slid his leg forward to touch mine. I looked up and saw Magnus watching for my reaction, so I reached my hand across the table to grip his and smiled.

"You're an only child aren't you?" I asked, remembering thinking about how lonely that must have been on our first date. Something I had said was wrong. Magnus's smile vanished and his eyes grew harder, the green/gold darkening to grey.

"Yeah I am…" He said. I looked at him puzzled over his reaction. "…now." Shit. That was a bad thing to ask him. "I had a little brother, but he died 7 years ago." I didn't know how to react to this. I wasn't expecting Magnus to open up to me about something like this so early on in our relationship. "He was four." Magnus continued. "It was a car crash. He was on the side of the car that got hit. I was there, but I was on the other side of the car. I was pretty badly hurt too, but I walked away from it all with just this." He pulled up his T-shirt to show a long, jagged scar running from the bottom of his rib cage, all the way to his belly button.

Magnus's little brother would have been the same age as Max, who was eleven now. I couldn't imagine the pain and grief that would rack through me if he died.

"I'm so sorry, Magnus. I shouldn't have brought it up." I said, feeling awful for him.

He smiled tightly. "It's fine. It was a long time ago." His expression flipped, and he let out a laugh. "God, this has got to be the worst date ever."

There was still a hint of the hardness in his eyes, but it was obvious he didn't want to talk about it anymore, so I changed the subject, "We need more beer." and Magnus laughed.

We passed an entire hour and three more beers each just talking. After a while, Magnus's eyes grew softer and he seemed to relax more, laughing and joking around with me.

We finally left when the couple sitting at the bar had started kissing loudly. It was properly dark outside now, the only light coming from the dim streetlights that cast long shadows and gave everything an orange tinge.

Magnus smiled warmly, and we made small talk for the couple of minutes it took to get back.

I wasn't sure what had happened, but just as we had reached the front door we were kissing. Magnus moved me backwards until I was pinned against the wall, and his hands were buried in my hair. Mine moved to his back, slipping up under his t-shirt to run over the curves of his back. I moved my mouth down to his collarbone and felt Magnus tilt his head back, and let out a soft moan. After a moment, I pulled away gently, smiling at him, and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"I'll see you soon?" I whispered, slightly breathlessly. It was more a question than a statement.

"Of course," Magnus said, kissing me again. I let myself enjoy it for a second before reluctantly pulling away, and unlocking the door.

I took one last look at him before closing the door behind me and letting myself into my flat. Izzy was asleep on the sofa, and I tiptoed past her into my room. I stripped down to just my boxers and fell into bed, exhausted. I was asleep almost straight away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay that was cute. Sorry about the thing with Magnus's little brother, it's actually one of the only things I planned in advance, everything else is just a word vomit where I just kind of "Blegh" and all that stuff appears. I hope you enjoyed that chapter :)


	6. Crashing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have literally so much stuff planned for this fanfic, as well as an idea for a new Clace one. There is now loads of EVILLL stuff coming your way soon, but this chapter is going to stay fluffy and cute. Lots of Izzy/Alec love, and obviously Malec
> 
> I also can't decide whether to write in a lemon at some point and up the rating? I know loads of people don't want to read smutty fanfic so let me know what you think.
> 
> Enjoy!

A crash woke me with a start, followed by a loud shout. "Shit!" Izzy's curse tore through the peace and quiet of the morning, and I groaned at the prospect of getting up.

I lay there for a few more minutes, my eyes still closed, enjoying the comfort and serenity of the moment. Through my closed eyelids, I could see the brightness of the morning, and feel the heat of the sun on the skin of my face. I must have forgotten to close the curtains before I went to sleep.

There was a fizzing sound, another crash, and Izzy let out a high pitched squeal of surprise. "Fucking hell!". I opened my eyes and looked at my closed bedroom door testily, silently daring Izzy to make another noise.

There was a crackle, a sharp, metallic ping, another squawk of alarm and then, "Bloody hell!"

I reached down to the floor next to my bed and felt around until I felt the soft fabric of a t-shirt. Pulling it on, I stood up and walked to my door. Izzy let out her loudest shriek yet as I reached it. I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against the cool wood and prepared myself for whatever was happening outside.

I left my room. "What the hell is going on?" I asked groggily, rubbing the sleep dust out of my eyes and pushing a hand through my messy hair to get it out of my face, my eyes still half closed.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I properly opened them to survey the chaos before me. There was flour all over the kitchen counter, smoke was rising in gentle spirals from the top of the toaster, the cupboard doors swung freely, and the contents balanced precariously on the edges like they might topple onto the floor at any moment. Dirty mixing bowls and cutlery were piled up in the sink, and there was a steaming frying pan on the floor, some charred bits of pancake stuck to the bottom and a half melted spatula congealing inside it. Izzy stood in the centre of the chaos, sucking on the side of her finger and hopping madly on one foot.

When she saw me she attempted to wave with her free hand but ended up losing her balance mid-hop and fell toward me. Still astonished by the scene, I caught her and pulled her away from the kitchen before she could do any damage.

Pushing her towards the sofa, we both sat down and I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

Izzy removed her finger from her mouth, revealing a red burn mark, and inspected it. "I was trying to make breakfast" she managed eventually, a little out of breath. "But I forgot that I don't know how to cook, and I dropped the frying pan on my toe." She pulled off her shoe by its 4-inch stiletto heel and began to massage her foot, wincing as she did so. "It was meant to be a 'proud of you' breakfast." She said. "After last night" She added when I gave her a confused look.

"You saw that?" I asked, indignantly. "But you were asleep when I came in."

She laughed but stopped when I gave her a look. "You should pay better attention. I had literally just switched the lights off and thrown myself onto the sofa when you came in. I was so surprised you didn't work it out. I was lying on the sofa, fully clothed, without any kind of blanket or pillow when you came in, but you walked straight past me." I could feel my exasperation growing as her expression turned to a slightly smug, slightly amused one as she said the last part.

"I was tired!" I protested. "Did you see the, um-"

"Kiss?" She asked, trying, but failing, to contain her enthusiasm. "Yup." She grinned. "Through the window. I was waiting next to it for you to come home." I spluttered furiously but didn't manage anything coherent. "It was seriously cute, by the way." She added. "Did I mention that he's really hot? You better be seeing him again. Also, I want to meet him. Properly. When I'm wearing underwear."

My heart filled with dread at the prospect. Fortunately, I was saved having to give Izzy an answer by my phone ringing. "Clean up the mess," I shouted at her as I left to go pick up my phone.

I smiled when I saw that it was Magnus, and hurried across the room to answer.

"Magnus?" I asked, a little breathlessly.

"Hello, Alexander," He said, obviously amused at my hurried greeting. I got a mental image of the way his eyes would sparkle when he was suppressing his laughter. "So it occurred to me just now that we should spend more time together."

"Yeah?" I asked, slightly teasing him now. "It's funny, I thought just the same thing a few seconds ago. How weird."

"Well, great minds think alike. The point is, we both agree that we should go on a date tonight."

"We definitely agree on that. What do you want to do?" I asked.

"We're going dancing." I could hear the smug grin on his face in his words.

Shit. "I can't dance," I said hurriedly, suddenly nervous.

"Doesn't matter. We're going dancing." He repeated. He was definitely smiling this time.

No matter what I said to dissuade him, nothing would work. I struggled to change his mind, but eventually, I grudgingly gave in.

"See you tonight, Alexander."

"You definitely owe me for this," I said, before hanging up without waiting for his reply.

I grinned to myself at Magnus's determination and left the room to find Izzy scraping the bottom of the frying pan with a (non-melted) spatula. Other than that, the kitchen seemed restored to the tidiness and order of before, but I would have to check the cupboards.

"Is he picking you up?" Izzy said, as soon as she saw me. Of course, she would have been listening in. She smiled when I nodded and started looking at me, widening her eyes and grinning. "Can I meet him?" She asked hopefully and I groaned.

"Come on, just a little bit?" Izzy asked pleadingly, brandishing the hair gel threateningly.

"You already forced me to wear these jeans-"

"Which look super hot, by the way," Izzy said, cutting me off.

I shifted uncomfortably in the too-tight skinny jeans (Izzy had actually gone to buy them for me them that day) and buried my face in my hands. "I hate you."

"You love me really. Now, just a little bit of hair gel?" Izzy gave me her cute eyes and clasped her hands together.

The bell rang and Izzy squealed in excitement, jumping up to stand on the sofa. I stood up, failing to put my phone into my back pocket due to the jeans' tightness. I took a deep breath in an attempt to steady my banging heart and looked at the door. Izzy bent over from where she was standing on the sofa to rest her chin on my shoulder and hug me.

"Go get 'em, tiger." (A/N: Hehe, stealing Shadowhunters lines) she said and gave me a peck on the cheek, before shoving me away from her with more force than you would ever expect from her tiny arms. I stumbled towards the door and looked back at her to see her stick her tongue out at me, and then jump over the back of the sofa and go into the kitchen. She was probably trying to pretend that she was giving us privacy, but I knew that she would be eavesdropping.

I opened the door, and smiled nervously at Magnus, his kohl-lined eyes shining happily.

"Hi," I said, a little too eagerly.

"Hi." His eyes glinted like they always did when he was holding back his amusement.

"Uhh," I tried to think of something to say to cover up the silence. "Do you want to come in?"

He walked past me, his eyes scanning the room. He had been in my flat before, of course, but he had obviously been a little too busy with… other stuff to notice the room.

Izzy wandered out of the kitchen, plainly trying to look surprised at Magnus's presence, but not really succeeding.

"I'm Izzy, Alec's sister." She bounced over to him and gave him a quick hug. "We um… we met yesterday. Sorry about that by the way."

Magnus, who seemed to be taking Izzy's touchy-feely nature in his stride, waved his hand. "No problem, it all worked out okay." He winked at me and I blushed. I could see Izzy all but jumping up and down in happiness.

"Are you at the university?" Izzy asked. Of course, she already knew this from questioning me about him all day today.

"Graduated last year," Magnus said. "I did art and drama."

"I'm doing drama next year, after my gap year ends," Izzy said, excitedly. "Different university, though."

I felt like I should break up the exchange before they became too good friends. I didn't want Magnus as well as Catarina reporting back to Izzy. "Okay, that's enough. We have to go."

"We do," Magnus said, enthusiastically.

"Oh yeah, I'm staying with that friend I came down to see tonight, so I might not be here tonight or tomorrow morning." My insides fluttered at the prospect of an empty apartment. I could tell that Izzy had purposely made plans for tonight. "That cool?" She asked.

"Yeah, that's fine." I pulled a jacket on and pushed my phone, keys, and wallet into the pockets. "See you later."

We closed the door on Izzy, who was waving vigorously, and started walking.

"So that's Izzy?" Magnus asked, after a bit.

"The one and only," I said. "She can be a bit-"

"Friendly?" Magnus suggested, interrupting me.

"I was actually going to say 'a bit of a pain in the arse'", I said, laughing. "But that works too."

Magnus laughed. "She seemed nice."

"I thought you might like her," I muttered. "So where are we going?"

Magnus smiled mischievously. "Pandemonium." It was at that moment that I noticed that we were approaching the club.

The luminous sign hung above the door, the letters flashing bright red. There was a small queue outside, but as we approached the door Magnus waved at the bouncer and he stood aside to let us in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the rushed ending, the chapter was getting kind of long, and it would be like 4000 words by the time I was done with what I had planned, so the dancing and sexiness is gonna be next chapter :)
> 
> Don't forget to let me know how you feel about Lemon. If there is any it won't be for at least a couple more chapters, though.
> 
> If you would read a Clace fan fiction then let me know and I'll actually start planning the plot, as opposed to where I was just like 'Malec, woo they meet in a park. Blegh word vomit. Cool' (I have a plot now though)


	7. Just Sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to include lemons at some point in this, I'm a bit nervous about doing it wrong because I have A: Never had a boyfriend, kissed anyone let alone had sex and B: Never written any Lemon before. I will do my best to make it good, and it will be easy to skip over if you don't like that stuff, so don't worry.
> 
> The Clace fanfiction that I mentioned in the last chapter will probably come at some point, but not for a while because it is going to have a proper plot and stuff so I need the time to brainstorm and plan everything out.
> 
> I think I forgot this last chapter, but DISCLAIMER: I OWN NADA, THE AMAZING CASSANDRA CLARE OWNS IT ALL, SEND YOUR LOVE LETTERS TO HER. (Not to say that I'm against love letters to me… just make sure you do it in a review ;) )
> 
> Enjoy! (This is becoming a thing, I think I might keep it)

The music hit me like a tidal wave as we walked further into the club, pounding out notes and rhythms that the writhing mass of bodies moved to.

Magnus sauntered to the crowd of dancers and began to move to the pounding music. Turning to face me, he beckoned with one finger, a smile playing on his lips. I bit my lip, unsure of myself, but after a minute, Magnus gave a sigh that was half amused, half exasperated, and bounded forward to grab my arm and pull me into the chaos.

The confusion surrounded me. It was impossible to separate any of the people surrounding us in the dim blue fog and flashing lights – Anyone apart from Magnus. He had moved his hands to rest lightly on my waist and was moving towards me. Two weeks ago I would have frozen, my brain disconnected from my body in the disorientation of being so close to someone I was so physically affected by. I would have been terrified at the simple intimacy of the moment.

But right now, I wasn't.

To hell with it I thought. I wrapped my arms loosely around Magnus's neck and moved towards him. I pressed my body against his as the fever of the room overtook me. I began to move my body, mimicking Magnus's twisting movements and steps, or what I could in the confined space of bodies that pressed against us, pushing us closer together, all the time using everything I could to ensure that no space between us remained.

Magnus, picking up on my sudden change of mood, responded enthusiastically. We moved in unison, our bodies melding into the frenzy surrounding us.

In no time at all, the body heat of the mass around us and our vigorous dancing had left our faces shining with sweat, and our breathing heavy. Overcome in the moment, I used the hand resting around Magnus's neck to grip his now slightly limp hair and pull his face down the extra few inches so it was level with my own, our mouths crashing together.

This kiss was far more sloppy and clumsy than the others we had shared, and my lips parted almost instantly. Magnus's tongue slipped into my mouth, stroking the inside of my cheek as he seized my belt loops and pulled me closer, and when our t-shirts rode up at the front the bare skin of our stomachs slid easily against each other as we moved, frictionless like silk. I clutched at Magnus's arms, my hands sliding up and down them. We could have been there for hours or for seconds, I wasn't sure. Everything blended together and the chatter, pounding music, surrounding people, they all faded to nothing. I could feel Magnus in every part of my body, in the skin he ran his hands over, in the pressure on my torso as we both clutched at each other, desperately trying to eradicate any space between our bodies. I could feel Magnus's heart pounding through our shirts, and it was beating just as hard and fast as mine, could feel the hot exhales of breath on the sensitive nerves of my mouth. He was everywhere, yet I still felt like we could never get close enough.

Suddenly I was pulled back to reality by the crowd screamed loudly, throwing their arms up in the air and cheering at something, I didn't care what. The mass of bodies seemed to swell, like the waves of the ocean, colliding with the people around them, and Magnus and I stumbled, pulled apart by the surge of movement around us.

"We should probably go," I shouted in Magnus's ear over the din, and he gave a silent nod of agreement and pulled me by the hand, battling his way through the crowd until we reached the edges where it had begun to thin out. We eventually broke free, although I had to help Magnus ward off a very drunk girl who seemed incredibly determined to unbutton his jeans. (A/N: I really need to stop stealing lines, but what can I say, Cassie's writing is too good to resist stealing a little…)

The cool night air hit me a blast, cool on my slightly damp skin, and I shivered, curving my shoulders inward and going to stuff my fingers into my jean pockets. Except I didn't seem to have any pockets, or at least any that were obvious. I was used to baggy pockets in baggy jeans, but these skinny ones Izzy had all but forced me into had tiny slits, they didn't even deserve to be called pockets. I resolved to make sure that the jeans ended up on a hanger in a charity shop.

"Where are we going?" Magnus asked, after a short silence.

"I don't know; I was following you," I replied.

"I was following you." He said, laughing.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked.

"Have you eaten?" He asked. Oops. In my anxiety of having to dance in front of Magnus, I had completely forgotten to eat.

I was starving, and my stomach gave a quiet rumble as thought to reiterate it. "No, I'm really hungry actually."

"We could go back to mine and make something." He suggested.

I raised my eyebrows. "You have food?" I asked incredulously. Magnus was the kind of person who I would have expected to live off a combination of stolen food from the coffee shop he worked at and the food his friends paid for.

His eyebrows creased for a second, then his expression cleared. "Yes… Probably."

I looked in dismay at the contents of Magnus's fridge. There was a carton of milk, a packet of cheese, a half eaten burrito and, bizarrely, Notting Hill. (A/N: Great film btw)

"I was looking for that!" Magnus exclaimed, grabbing the DVD and examining it.

"What's it doing in there?" I asked, bemused. Magnus just shrugged and chucked it onto the sofa. "Also, you still watch DVDs?" I asked.

"Yeah," Magnus said, a little disgruntled. "Too broke for Netflix." He explained as I walked over to his cupboards and began to look through them, trying to find something edible. Most of them were empty, but in one of them, there was half a box of Rice Krispies and some digestive biscuits. I searched through the kitchen, until I came up victorious with two bowls and spoons, and made us both bowls of cereal. He took one from me and leaned against the kitchen counter as he ate.

When we were both done, Magnus grabbed the bowl out of my hands and dumped it in the sink. He walked into his room, returning with a laptop and pulling me down to sit beside him on the sofa. We were just close enough that our arms brushed together, and it was like there was an electric current running directly through my body from that one point. He opened Netflix and pushed the laptop onto my knee, looking at me expectantly. I sighed good-naturedly and opened my Netflix account.

"What are we watching?" I asked.

"I don't know, what do you want to watch?" He replied.

"Anything, I don't mind," I said. "I don't use this very often, I share it with my sister, and it's mainly Izzy who uses it."

Magnus looked through the TV shows, and eventually chose a show called How to Get Away with Murder, starting on the first episode. It was weird and had a couple of cheesy lines, but it was pretty good. We both definitively agreed that Connor, one of the characters, was by far the hottest.

"Next episode?" I asked as the credits began to roll.

"Hmm," Magnus said, before shutting his laptop and chucking it to the other end of the sofa. "I could think of some better things to do."

I was about to raise my eyebrows questioningly, when Magnus swung his leg around, turning to straddle my hips. I gasped at the sensation, and crushed his body to mine, creating a strange, unfamiliar, wonderful friction while our lips collided and our chests slammed together. There was none of the desperation and urgency from the club this time. This was slow, yet fierce at the same time. We could take as long as we liked, secure in the knowledge that there was nothing to disturb us, to break us away from our bubble.

Our t-shirts rubbed against each other uncomfortably, and I wanted to remove the barrier preventing our skin from touching. I tugged gently at the hem of Magnus's shirt with one hand, all the while not removing my lips from his or stilling my hand running through his hair, thoroughly disrupting it. Magnus, understanding my message, broke our contact for no more than a second to rip his shirt over his head, tossing it over the back of the sofa. It made soft noise as it hit the floor, but I barely noticed it as Magnus reached down to remove my shirt, pulling it up my body, his hands leaving blazing trail up the sides of my torso. He left the shirt in my hands, pressing his mouth to my collarbone before I had even managed to get it off, his tongue rolling across my neck lazily, drawing the skin into his mouth hard enough that I was sure it would leave a mark.

I pulled a handful of his hair to crush his lips back onto my own, my tongue running against his teeth as he bit down gently, scraping against it as I moved it around. His body moved forward, pressing me harder against the back of the sofa and I exhaled loudly as I felt that incredible friction again, my toes curling. I pulled on Magnus's hair to roll his head back, pulling a moan from his throat, and attached my lips to his neck, playing with the soft skin there, my teeth grazing his skin. I slipped a hand down to cup his skin-tight jean clad upper leg, and I could feel the vibrations in his neck through my lips as he moaned and whispered my name, "Alexander", over and over again.

We stayed like that, just the two of us in our little bubble, his hands leaving fiery trails as they moved over my back, my chest, my arms, my neck. His chest pressed completely against mine, and I could feel the muscles roll every time he moved. We were both breathing heavily, sharing air, only breaking off to draw in deep breaths when we had to. His heart pounded against mine, and soon our heartbeats synced up and our hearts beat as one, and occasionally I would do something new, kiss a bit harder, move my hands in a certain way, and I would feel his heart stumble over itself as it skipped a beat.

Eventually we broke apart, and we just stared at each other for a few seconds, my eyes roving over all of his perfect, graceful features. The slight curves of the corner of his eyes framed with dark, curling lashes, the shape of his now swollen, bruised lips, his long, elegant neck now peppered with red marks that I had left there, his hair that usually was impeccably styled, but now hung bedraggled over his shining eyes, going in all directions, completely dishevelled by my wandering, eager hands.

Like the socially awkward moron that I was, I chose that moment to yawn loudly, breaking the eye contact and thoroughly, completely butchering the moment. Magnus laughed loudly, his eyes sparkling as he crossed his arms. "Am I really that boring?" He asked, mock hurt in his eyes.

I was about to make a retort, but was cut off by Magnus himself yawning and I laughed. "Am I really that boring, Magnus?" I asked, echoing his words.

He shoved my chest backwards into the sofa and checked his watch. "Oops." He said, looking amused.

"What time is it?"

"2 am," He said. Had we really been here for that long?

I groaned. "I have class tomorrow morning- I mean, later today"

"You can sleep here if you want." Magnus offered

My heart leapt at the prospect of being that close to him for a whole night. I was about to thank him when I yawned again. "Thanks," I said, my words distorted by my yawn.

Magnus chuckled and swung his leg back over me to stand up, grabbing my hand and pulling me up with him. Disoriented from suddenly standing up after sitting for so long, I nearly fell over and staggered into Magnus's chest. He caught me and pressed a lingering kiss to my mouth. I nearly lost myself in the kiss, but he pulled away before we went too far.

He pulled me by my hand to his bedroom, and dug around in his drawer, chucking a t-shirt at me and pulling one on himself. He pulled off his jeans so he was standing in his boxers, and I blushed scarlet and looked away, biting my lip. He climbed into his bed, and I slid the skinny jeans off, at great difficulty since they hugged my legs as though they didn't want to come off, before laying down on the bed, pulling the duvet over me. (A/N: that's a comforter for you non-British ppl, like wtf why do you call it that anyway? :P) I shuffled across the bed to slide my arm across his body, pressing my chest to his back. My face was right next to Magnus's hair and I could smell the subtle scent of his sandalwood shampoo, and I tilted my head forward to press my lips to the nape of his neck, and I heard Magnus mumble a soft noise of contentment briefly before I fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go! I hope you enjoyed that. For some reason, I'm not completely happy with this chapter, and I found the first bit stupidly hard to write but never mind. Sorry, it took longer than usual, I'm basically just lazy.
> 
> This is probably going to be the last update before freaking school starts again, so if updates come further apart from now on, that's why. Sorry :(


	8. Morning Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a filler chapter, and it's probably gonna be short and bad, but I promise to make it extra fluffy ;)
> 
> 'Finn' (She made me call her that) is awesome btw she's writing a bit of this chapter with me so she says hello.
> 
> Enjoy! (This definitely gonna be a thing…)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: ME OWN NADA :(

I opened my eyes with a start. Something was unfamiliar, different to usual. I extracted my mind from the groggy haze of sleep and nearly laughed out loud when I realised what I had found so strange. Of course it was different, my chest was pressed against Magnus's back, my arm resting lazily over him, our fingers laced together. There was, however, a small ball of fur nuzzling up to my face, and I subdued a sneeze as I breathed the fur into my nose.

With difficulty, I extracted my arm and checked my watch. The fur ball rubbed against my hand and I managed to make out a face beneath the mass of fur before I pushed it off the bed, feeling only slightly bad when it gave an indignant 'Meow'. I still had ages before my class started, so I closed my eyes again, nuzzling into the back of Magnus's neck and sighing contentedly as the soft curls tickled my face and I inhaled his shampoo. I slid my arm back over Magnus and settled down, letting my mind relax and enjoy the moment.

Unfortunately, my bladder had other ideas, just as I was beginning to fall back asleep. I groaned and disentangled myself from Magnus's long, lanky limbs, tiptoeing across the room so I wouldn't disturb him. I nearly tripped over Magnus's cat as it wound around my legs, staring up at me innocently, but evidently attempting to get food. I had to search for a moment before I found the bathroom, coming across a cupboard full of sheets of towels, all in vibrant, sparkly colours (predictably), and a cluttered study with a messy desk piled high with books and papers. The sink and mirror were dusty, covered in makeup stains, and the shelves were overflowing with makeup, hair products and scented soaps, most of which looked unopened. I shut the door, pulling the stiff bolt across.

When I was done, I eyed the toothpaste, and debated for a moment. If we kissed, it would be better not to have morning breath, but would he mind me using his toothpaste if he noticed it on my breath? I decided he probably wouldn't care, and swirled some around my mouth with water. I crept back to Magnus's room, and just as I was about to slide back into bed, I caught sight of his face. I'd never seen him asleep before, and he seemed so passive and innocent. He looked younger, despite the smudged makeup on his face and the blooming marks on his jaw and throat I had left behind. It was like when he was asleep all the barriers he put up fell away, exposing who he was underneath all the confidence and quick witty remarks. This must be what he's like when he thinks that nobody's watching him I thought.

I changed my mind at the last moment, instead of slipping back into the bed I spun on my heel to return to the kitchen and began to hunt around for coffee. It seemed that while Magnus was lacking in pretty much everything else, he had an apparently endless supply of chipped mugs with cheesy slogans and bags of instant coffee. I put the kettle on to boil and dumped a couple of spoonfuls of coffee in the mugs, noticing the faded sparkly lettering spelling "2 Fab 4 U" and "Hot stuff" on them, and giggling to myself.

When the kettle had boiled, I poured water into the mugs and strolled into the bedroom, making sure the cat was on the other side of the closed door, where Magnus still lay with that exposed expression. I placed the steaming mugs on the bedside table, where they balanced precariously on top of the clutter, and knelt down to brush a soft kiss on his lips and whisper, "Good morning."

"Mmmm," Magnus mumbled incoherently, his eyelids fluttering as he stirred. His lips curved into a sleepy smile and he leaned forward to kiss me again, his eyes still closed, and our lips touched for a lingering, sweet moment before he pulled away and blearily opened his eyes. "Do I smell coffee?"

"Mmm Hmm."

"Best way to wake up," Magnus said, the sleepy tone fading slowly from his voice as he became more awake.

"Yeah?"

"Obviously," Magnus said. "Coffee," he paused to take a sip and prop himself up on his elbows, "And a totally gorgeous guy to kiss you awake."

My cheeks flamed red. I wasn't used to compliments, I had always been outshone by Izzy, happy to stand in her shadow as they were showered on her. I didn't mind, I was always grateful that she managed to take the spotlight as it took the attention off me, and it always made me happy when I saw her enjoying the attention. It did mean that I was basically tongue-tied with embarrassment when anyone payed attention to me. I took a sip of my own coffee to hide my embarrassment.

"What time is it?" Magnus asked.

"8:30."

"Eurgh." Magnus wrinkled his nose. "Do you always get up this early?"

"Earlier," I admitted apologetically.

"Goddamnit. And here I was thinking you were perfect."

I could do nothing to escape the blush rushing to my face, turning it a lovely shade of red that could make Magnus's shirts jealous.

"Uhh." I stumbled over my words, flustered. "Well it gives me more time in the morning."

"And what do you suggest we do with all this extra time?"

"Hmm… I don't know." I said, catching onto Magnus's mood immediately. "What is there to do?"

I moved up to sit on the side of the bed and kiss him. He tasted vaguely of coffee and morning breath, but I didn't care. Magnus pulled the duvet out from between us and kicked it off the bed, pulling me down to lie on top of him, his legs coming up to cradle me and pull me closer to him, his feet linking together behind me and his hands sliding through my hair. Our chests pressed together and he kissed his way across my face, making his way to the sensitive part below my ear and I gasped.

"Shit!" I giggled, recoiling. "That tickles!"

"Yeah?" Magnus smirked, raising his eyebrows. "Are you ticklish, then?"

"No-" I started, before Magnus flipped me over, straddling me. I froze for a second, caught off guard by how agile he was, but my train of thought was stopped in its tracks by Magnus' cold fingers tickling me. I squirmed under his touch and scrabbled uselessly at his arms, but he had me pinned down underneath him.

Magnus' grin spread wide across his face. "So you're not ticklish, then?"

"Magnus, I… screw you!" I managed, stuttering, but I couldn't help laughing at the look of glee on his face. "I swear to God…"

I sighed in relief as he stopped, trying to catch my breath. I tried to move to escape Magnus's dangerous fingers, but unfortunately was still pinned underneath him. He grinned widely, amused by my eagerness to get away, and leant over to kiss me gently. All thoughts of breathing faded from my mind as I melted into the kiss, wrapping my arms around him to pull him closer and arching my back to close the distance between our bodies.

My lungs started burning, demanding oxygen that my mouth was too otherwise occupied to supply them with, and I broke off the kiss reluctantly, gasping for breath. Magnus was also breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling quickly against mine, our foreheads resting against each other.

"Did you use my toothpaste?" Magnus whispered.

"Yeah, sorry." I confessed sheepishly.

Magnus looked for a moment like he was going to mock me, but suddenly his stomach rumbled loudly and we both laughed silently. He kissed the tip of my nose briefly, and I giggled and pushed him off me. "Come on, I'll make us some breakfast."

"With what?" He asked, teasingly.

I groaned. I'd forgotten about that. "I'm not sure I want to know how you don't actually starve to death." I said. "I want to be able to plead ignorance when your boss makes you pay them back for all the food you've probably stolen."

Magnus smirked. "Let's go out. There's a café just around the corner that does the best hot chocolate and croissants that I've ever tasted."

"Okay." I said, smiling.

"I've just got to get dressed. Somehow I don't think anyone will be too pleased with me buying breakfast in my boxers."

I blushed bright red and looked away. I had completely overlooked that Magnus was still just wearing a t-shirt and underwear. "I'll, um, be next door." I stammered.

I left Magnus's room, and the cat, sensing an opportunity, streaked past me into the room just before I closed the door behind me. I leaned awkwardly against the wall, and realised that I was also still only wearing one of Magnus's too-tight t-shirts and my boxers. My t-shirt was lying in a crumpled heap somewhere behind the sofa, but my jeans and shoes were still in Magnus's room where I had left them neatly folded the night before.

I knocked on the door, hoping Magnus would be dressed enough to open the door to me without my heart shrivelling up in embarrassment. Thankfully Magnus had pulled on his jeans, but his t-shirt was gone. I hadn't seen his bare chest properly in the light before, and I supressed a gasp at it, managing to pass it off as a cough, but nearly choking. Magnus smirked knowingly, and I was pretty sure that my cough had fooled no one.

"My, um, jeans and shoes are still in there." I said, trying to look at Magnus's face instead of staring at his chest. "Could you, maybe, um, pass them to me?"

"You know I think I prefer you like this." Magnus said. "Maybe I won't." I blushed deeper than I had ever before, and spluttered, at a loss for what to say. Magnus smirked again, and vanished back into the room for a second before returning with my clothes.

"Thanks," I said, relieved.

"I'm joking, Alexander." He said laughing, but paused to lean in and whisper intimately in my ear, his lips brushing my earlobe. "Mostly…"

My heart sped up and I felt slightly lightheaded and dizzy, highly grateful I was leaning against the doorframe for support. Magnus's eyes sparkled, and he closed the door with an amused smile. It was strange that when I was pressed up against him, our lips crushed together and our hands flying over each other in a frenzy I could successfully hold my own, but just those few words could make my stomach do a flip and my legs feel like jelly.

I leaned against the wall and took a couple of deep breaths before walking to my scrunched up t-shirt, still lying in the same place since I had thrown it across the room the night before. My cheeks warmed and my stomach tightened at the memory. Picking it up, I attempted to smooth it out, but the creases weren't vanishing any time soon, so I gave up, exchanging the shirt I was currently wearing for it and hoping that the creases wouldn't be too obvious. I struggled to force my legs into the stupid skinny jeans, eventually managing it after a good five minutes and doing up my belt. Izzy was going to regret making me wear them when I got back from class. I hunted around for my jacket and pulled my phone from the pocket, groaning at the twenty text notifications I had from a certain person who seemed to think that I had slept with Magnus because I hadn't come home the previous night.

"Your sister is very, um, invested in us." Magnus said from over my shoulder, making me jump and spin around to face him. His hair was back to its normal style, his smudged makeup gone and replaced by neat, complicated looking makeup.

"Don't do that!" I said indignantly.

Magnus smirked, but ignored me. "Are we going?"

"Yeah." I switched my phone to silent when it buzzed as Izzy began to text me again. "By the way, what's your cat called?"

Magnus looked taken aback by the question and slightly amused. "Chairman Meow."

Being a history student, I raised my eyebrows. "Really?"

He grinned. "Yup. Come on, I'm starving."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go, literally 1900 words of pure fluff, with basically no relevance to the plot. Enjoy.
> 
> I'm freaking tired. Right now it's 1:37AM and I'm still writing. Oops.
> 
> I am freaking out because I recently got some REALLY exciting and amazing news to do with my family, and I just want to write cute stuff, so there won't be any car crashes or zombie apocalypses in the next few chapters. Probably… Mwahahaha
> 
> I'm so sorry this is so late, it's been done for days and the next chapter is basically half-done, but I've been waiting for Monday so I can start my new schedule. From now on, there will always be a chapter on Mondays.
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter! Next one is going to be a much more plot driven one, stuff happens!


	9. DTRing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this a day early, I have a reason in the author's note at the bottom but I don't want to say it here because Spoilers!
> 
> I am seriously enjoying the joint pressure/no pressure of having a proper schedule where I have an entire week to write chapters! It's meaning that I can start this chapter before the last one has even come out, and its super relaxing :)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Leave me alone with my grief that I couldn't meet Cassie when she came to London. *Crying*

The next few weeks past in a blur. My final exams seemed to be approaching at record speed, and I was getting more and more stressed about them with every passing day. Magnus was my only distraction from the worry that seemed to be taking over my life. We saw each other at least every other day and had slept over at each other's places more than a couple of times, although we hadn't gone any further than kissing and a few bold wandering hands.

Izzy had left the day after I spent the night at Magnus's, and despite my fervent denials of what she suspected had happened, she still only responded with an unconvinced 'Uh huh?' She had also somehow managed to sneak Magnus's number from my phone when I wasn't looking, and now texted him pretty much daily. I was terrified that Magnus would be unnerved by her enthusiasm, but he laughed about it with me next day, and pretty soon they were exchanging texts on their favourite designers and contestants on 'RuPaul's Drag Race', much to my annoyance. I was sure Izzy was also sucking details about our relationship out of him, determined to find out everything she could since I had refused to tell her much other than 'yes, we're still together' and 'No, we haven't slept together'.

Cat had also burst in the day after Izzy's departure, desperate to know what was going on. As I had guessed, she had only stayed away because of Izzy. I suspected that while they were fast friends, Cat was more than a little scared of Izzy. Weren't we all, though? I was at a loss to how Simon had endured her for a whole month, it was something of a miracle to me. Catarina had, unlike Izzy, attempted to be subtle and had tried to pass off her visit as one of her usual ones. She had been sitting on my sofa with her laptop and a beer for an entire half an hour before bringing it up.

"So, uh, you and Magnus Bane?" She had said nonchalantly.

"How do you know who he is?"

"Uh," She fumbled for a valid excuse. "Friend of an ex of a friend of a brother of a friend…Something like that. I'm not sure. Also, he comes into the coffee shop every now and then"

She had then attempted to keep the act up for another five minutes or so, still keeping that light disinterested edge to her voice as she asked casually about him. The entire time I was laughing internally, thoroughly enjoying having the upper hand until I said: "Cut the crap, I know you told Izzy." Her face fell in disappointment.

"Sorry," She had said apologetically, before launching into full interrogation mode. She reminded me so much of Izzy at that moment that I had to stop myself from calling her the wrong name more than a couple of times. It was unnerving how this small, quiet, blue-haired girl could remind me of my tall, popular, too-sexy-for-her-own-good sister.

From there my life had pretty much gone back to normal, obviously apart from the gorgeous guy who kept showing up at my door unannounced and eating my pizza.

"So," Magnus said as I handed him a Coke. "Guess what today is."

I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I played along anyway. "No… what's happening today?" Judging by the disappointed look on Magnus's face, my acting was far better than I thought.

"I'm just messing with you," I said, smiling and grabbing his arms to pull him against me.

Magnus chuckled and he set his coke down, unopened, on the counter. "Happy one-month anniversary, Alexander."

We both leaned in simultaneously, and I could have sworn that electric sparks jumped between our mouths in the moment before they met. My hands moved down to his waist, my fingers stroking the bare skin as his t-shirt rucked up and his hand caressed my neck, the other splayed against my chest, trapped between us.

"So," I said when we finally broke apart. Magnus sighed disgruntledly but kept his arms twined around me, his fingers playing absently with a loose strand of my hair. "What do you want to do? It's a Saturday so you don't have to work."

"We do have the entire day to ourselves."

I leaned in to kiss him again, I had a very good idea of what I wanted to do, but he turned his head, my lips only brushing his cheek as he slipped nimbly out of my arms. I groaned unhappily as he moved away from me, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door.

"I was thinking you could meet some of my friends," He said, and before I could protest he had kissed me again, effectively shutting me up. He pressed my jacket into my hands and pulled me from the room and down the stairs. Outside, the sun was shining brightly, reflecting off Magnus's hair and after the gloomy hallway, nearly blinding me. My eyes took a moment to adjust to the bright light, but then I remembered what Magnus had just said.

"All of them?" I asked nervously.

"Just a couple of them."

"But," I stammered. "Do they know I'm coming? Do they even know I exist?"

"I might have mentioned someone like you." I groaned and ran my hands through my hair agitatedly. "They don't know anything about you really. Well, other than you have blue eyes and black hair. They keep trying to get me to tell them anything about you, Ragnor even has a bet on with Jace over whether or not you're a boy or a girl." My eyebrows shot up at that, this was news to me.

I sighed uncomfortably. "But what if they hate me?"

"Who could ever hate you? Especially with those eyes." I blushed at that, and could feel all of my objections slipping away. Honestly, I kind of wanted to meet Magnus's friends. I wanted to see that side of him, the one where he was with people he could completely relax and let go with.

"One more thing," Magnus said. What now? I thought apprehensively, and Magnus laughed at the expression on my face. "Don't look so worried. I was just wondering if, when I introduce you to everyone, I could maybe introduce you as my, um, boyfriend." His voice actually lost some of the confidence that had punctuated it since the very first conversation we had shared, and he sounded genuinely nervous of my answer.

I was stunned and nearly tripped over a bump in the pavement. I stopped walking and turned to look at him. It took him a moment, but he eventually lifted his gaze to meet mine, and I was caught off guard by his eyes, just like I had been the first time we had ever met. The mesmerising green/gold colours danced around, gazing at me, watching for a reaction. He looked so open in that moment, it was probably the most vulnerable I had seen him, even including the times I saw him asleep, and I knew already what my answer would be.

I pulled him close, resting our foreheads together and looking straight into his beautiful eyes. "Of course, you can," I whispered, and Magnus smiled, relieved. I was absurdly reminded of that couple I had been watching the first time we met, and the way the girl had looked at the boy. It had been one of such contentment and happiness, and I could see that exact expression reflected in Magnus's graceful features. I laughed and hugged him, burying my face in his shoulder and inhaling his scent. He pulled away to kiss me briefly, only stopping when a passer-by wolf-whistled, and I laughed as he muttered a curse at them.

"Let's go meet your friends," I said. Our conversation had left me with an elated feeling, and it was like my blood was singing through my veins.

When we reached the park, Magnus steered me towards a table where five people sat laughing. There was a beautiful blonde girl, the kind who turn heads of both lust and jealousy wherever they go and are completely aware of it; a boy who looked surprisingly like me, with black hair and blue eyes, but I suspected was quite a lot shorter than me; a brown-haired guy who was talking energetically, gesturing flamboyantly and obviously the most talkative of the table. On the end sat a ginger girl who was leaning against a blonde boy's chest, their hands linked on top of the table and their legs tangled together underneath it. They were oddly familiar, but before I could put my finger on what it was, the blonde girl elbowed the energetically talking boy and pointed over to me and Magnus, who were still approaching. Magnus squeezed my hand and gave a reassuring smile just before we reached the table.

"Okay, introductions," Magnus said. He pointed at the boy who had been talking enthusiastically before. "This is Ragnor."

"Hey." He smiled at me and then turned to the blonde boy. "Pay up."

Magnus sighed, exasperated, and I remembered Magnus telling me about their bet over my gender. "That's Jace, and she's Clary," Clary smiled warmly at me, looking like she understood exactly what I was feeling. I guessed there had been a moment where Jace had had to introduce her too. I decided I liked her almost straight away.

"Fine." Jace sighed, and slid a tenner across the table, which Ragnor pocketed smugly.

"And this is Camille." The blonde girl glared at Magnus.

"Cami," Cami said, irritated. She turned to me, smiling in what I assumed was a seductive smile. To be honest, I wasn't the best judge. "Hi, sweetie."

Magnus gestured to the black haired boy. "That's Will, Jace's cousin."

Will waved at me. "Hi."

"Everyone, this is my boyfriend Alexander," Magnus said, putting extra emphasis on the word and flashing a smile at me. "Be nice."

"Alec," I said firmly.

"Alexander." Magnus insisted, grinning at me again.

"Sit here Alec," Cami smiled at me and gestured to the empty spot next to her, and I sat down nervously. It felt bizarrely like a job interview, everyone was watching me, waiting for me to speak.

"He's so cute," Ragnor complained after a moment, with a hint of…jealousy? "His eyes are gorgeous."

"He has basically the same eyes as me. How come you never tell me my eyes are gorgeous?" Will asked indignantly.

"You're too straight for me to try," Ragnor said, elbowing Will in the ribs.

"Ragnor will basically screw anything that moves," Cami explained. "He's been trying to get into me and Will's pants for as long as we've known him." I noticed she said nothing about Magnus, I wondered whether that was because he was too intimidated by Magnus to try, or if it was because he had already succeeded.

"Hey!" Ragnor protested. "I will not screw anything that moves." He looked indignantly at Cami but seemed a little scared at the sceptical look directed at him by her. "I'll screw most things, but not all. I have some standards!" Everyone around the table snorted at that.

"You so do not." Jace teased.

"Um, I'm going to get a coffee," I said, needing a moment to escape. "Magnus?"

"Yeah, thanks. Can I have a chai latte?" Magnus gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled

"Me too, I need a refill." Clary piped in, surprising me.

"Hey, babe, can you get me one too?" Jace asked, looking at Clary with a sappy expression on his face.

Clary smiled back at him, equally sappily. "Sure."

Will groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Ugh, enough with the mushy eyes guys." He complained. "It's just a reminder of how single all of us are."

Jace glared at Will and pulled Clary down to kiss her passionately with one hand, the other pointed at Will, giving him the finger.

"Not all of us are single now," Cami said, looking pointedly at Magnus and grinning.

Clary broke off the kiss, and the banter faded into the chatter surrounding us as Clary and I stepped away from the table and joined the back of the queue. "How are you doing?" Clary asked sympathetically, although that sympathy was somewhat lessened by her gasping for breath and trying to hide her flush.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, fine. I think."

"It's nerve-wracking, isn't it?"

"God, yeah."

Clary smiled as though remembering a pleasant memory. "I remember the first time I met those guys."

"How did it go?" I asked

"I think I'd been seeing Jace for about…" She stopped for a moment to think. "…two months, and he brought me to this exact spot, same table, and everything. Everyone was basically exactly the same as they are now, except most of them hadn't graduated yet." Clary had an amused expression on her face, as though remembering a funny memory.

"How did it go?" I asked.

"It was okay," Clary said. "Ragnor flirted with me, Cami intimidated me, Will and Magnus joked around. Pretty much exactly the same as how they are now. It was all fine, but then Jace and I came back with our coffees, and I tripped over a rock and dropped the tray. I spilt hot coffee all over Magnus and Ragnor."

My eyebrows shot up. "No way!" I said. "They all seem to like you, though, how the hell did you manage that?"

"Yeah, they all actually just laughed about it," She said. "Although, they did call me coffee girl for a couple of months." I laughed at that. "Actually, Magnus does still call me biscuit," she added as an afterthought. "Because my cookie fell on his head," She explained.

"They seem to like you," I said.

She frowned. "I think so. They like you too, by the way."

"Do they?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah. I mean, they liked you before you got here."

"How come?" I asked, still confused. "What if I'd been an axe murderer?"

"Come on, we both know that Magnus could easily date an axe murderer and turn them into a cute puppy within a few days." She said, smiling, her eyes crinkling at the edges.

"I guess he could." I agreed, laughing. "But what did you mean that they liked me before they met me?"

"Since he met you, Magnus has been way more cheerful and, um, less cold. He used to be the 'one night stands only' kind of guy. He'd go home with a different person after every party. You're the first person he's seriously dated for about two years. At least that's what Jace told me." She looked genuinely impressed. "So, I guess they all like you because you managed to get past Magnus's walls."

"Wow," I said, a little lost for words. "Um, Okay. Thanks, I guess." I did really like Clary. Her pale skin and slim figure gave her the appearance of a fragile porcelain doll, yet her green eyes flashed with energy. I would not put it past her to beat Jace around the room if he ever did anything to piss her off. She had a kind of inner strength.

I had been so caught up in our conversation that I failed to notice that we had reached the front of the line. The barista coughed loudly, looking bored.

"Sorry," I said, flustered. "A black coffee and a chai latte please."

"And another two black coffees," Clary piped in.

The barista tapped a few buttons lazily. "That'll be £8.90," The barista said, in monotone, obviously bored out of her mind.

"Thanks," I muttered, handing the cash over and turning away to watch the table. Magnus was talking to Will quietly and Cami perched in Ragnor's lap. He was gripping the edge of the table so tightly that his knuckles were turning white, obviously trying to restrain himself from touching Cami. Cami had a wicked grin on her face, she was obviously aware of what she was doing to Ragnor and thoroughly enjoying it.

"C'mon," Clary said. "Let's go back." I turned to see her holding a tray of drinks, and nodded. I allowed her to take my hand and lead me back to the group.

"You know, you were being a little too friendly with Clary over there, Alec, you trying to steal my girl?" Jace asked confrontationally when we got back to the table. At my terrified expression, the entire table burst into laughter. "I'm just messing with you, bro."

"Oh right." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Aw, come on, Jace," Magnus said. "Be nice to my boyfriend," Magnus grinned and pulled me down to sit beside him, sliding his leg against mine. I relaxed at the familiar feeling and slipped my hand into his again. My body was still singing from Magnus's words and l leaned into the contact, my arm pressing against his.

I enjoyed watching the group chat, even though I didn't speak much. I was happy to stay quiet and just engage when I had to. Although I say I was watching the group, to be honest, I was really only watching Magnus. Occasionally I would glance at Clary to share a smile or an eye-roll, but I was entranced by Magnus most of the time.

Whenever someone brought up a topic Magnus was interested in, he would come alive, speaking passionately and gesturing wildly, his face animated and excited. He roared with laughter along with the others, joking around and poking fun at his friends. It was obvious how well he knew them and how much he trusted them in his words, but also his body language. He leaned into the conversation, slapping them on the back and kicking them underneath the table.

Although we didn't actually share any words, or even make eye contact, throughout the entire event, Magnus kept a firm grip on my hand, squeezing it occasionally or rubbing his leg against my own encouragingly. He seemed to smirk whenever I rolled my eyes or sighed at Clary, so fast and subtle that it was almost invisible, obviously amused by the understanding passing between me and her. It was a nice feeling, knowing that even if he wasn't obviously responding to me, he was watching me for my reactions.

"We should go," Magnus said eventually, after nearly two hours.

"We should?" I asked, more than a little bit disappointed. Watching Magnus was strangely enjoyable and had made the time fly by. I had barely noticed the time was passing until I had realised how hungry I was and checked my watch subtly under the table, not wanting to seem bored or eager to leave. I guess Magnus had noticed it.

"Yeah." Magnus's eyes flashed wickedly and I gulped, nervous for what new challenge he was about to present me with.

"Bye Alec." Will slapped my arm amicably and grinned at me.

Cami got up to give me a delicate hug and kiss my cheek. She was the person who puzzled me the most. She seemed so out of place surrounded by the boisterous Jace, Will, Magnus and Ragnor and I still hadn't been able to work out what her deal was. That was, just as she was pulling away, she whispered in my ear pleadingly. "Please don't break his heart." Maybe she cared about her friends more than she let on.

Jace nodded at me in that 'I am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass' way (DISCLAIMER: This is a book quote. Plz don't sue me.), and held out his fist, which I awkwardly bumped with my own.

Ragnor jumped up to hug me, his hands dipping slightly lower than I was really comfortable with, but I could see Magnus smirking over Ragnor's shoulder and assumed that it was fairly normal behaviour. "Really nice to meet you, Alec," Ragnor said, winking.

"See you soon, Alec," Clary said, smiling warmly at me and jumping up to hug me as well. I had to lean so far down to hug her, even with her standing on her toes, that everyone around us sniggered. They stopped when Clary stepped away from me and glared at them, all of them staring at the ground shiftily and reminding me laughably of toddlers caught stealing sweets.

"Uh, bye guys," I smiled at them, a little more confident than I had been when I had first met them.

"See you around." Magnus waved, linking our fingers.

I looked back briefly to see Clary elbowing Jace, as he, Will and Ragnor howled with laughter at something one of them had said, and Cami looked on haughtily, although I could see the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried not to smile.

"Phew!" Magnus sighed. "That's over."

I was surprised that he was so nervous about me meeting them. "Do you think they liked me?" I asked anxiously.

"God, yeah," Magnus looked surprised that I was asking. "They love you."

"Really?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Okay." I sighed, letting go of some of my anxiety. "Are you sure? Because I didn't really say very much-"

"They. Like. You." Magnus insisted. "Do you want to get some lunch?" He asked, and I remembered how hungry I was.

"Yeah, okay," I said enthusiastically.

"Okay," Magnus said. "But first…"

He pulled me close by my belt loops and gave me a long, lingering kiss. The rest of the world faded to nothing for a few seconds as every sense was overcome, filled up with Magnus. Every nerve ending was crackling under his touch, his sandalwood scent filled my nose, I tasted the chai latte on his breath and could hear the soft, breathy noises coming from the back of his throat.

"What was that for?" I asked, bewildered. "Not that I'm complaining," I added hastily.

"I was holding off until my friends couldn't see us anymore." He said. "As much as I'm sure they'd appreciate it."

I laughed. "Let's go get lunch." I kissed him again, succumbing for a second, before breaking away reluctantly, laughing when Magnus tried to lean in further in an attempt to keep kissing me.

He groaned. "Your self-control will be the death of me, Alexander." Not that it was holding out very well when he said my name like that. "Ugh, fine let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that!
> 
> Hey, so guess what? Today is actually the one month anniversary of this story! I laughed a bit when I realized that, I promise it was completely unplanned! So your/my reward for that is posting the chapter one day early! I'm literally still laughing about this, just give me a minute...
> 
> A massive shoutout to Pinkfyulongdragon who betad this chapter and gave me loads of awesome advice and points, go check out her story 'All that I need' on fanfiction.net :)
> 
> Next chapter is going to be Malec-1-month-anniversary-date part two of three (I'm stretching this out way too much but I have so much stuff that I want to happen) , so make sure to leave a review so I make it extra good!


	10. Averted Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually getting ahead, this is awesome! I've literally finished the first draft of this chapter the same day the last chapter came out!
> 
> The weather is being INCREDIBLY British right now. You know how everyone says that British weather being bad is an untrue stereotype, ignore them. English weather is shit. We had such good weather in the last few days and now it's all gone :( Basically the sky is grey and it's raining in that way where it isn't raining enough to justify not going outside, but it's still enough that when you do go outside, it's horrible. (Not that I actually go outside if I can avoid it)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Cassandra Clare stole the entire idea for Alec and Magnus from me. *Drowns in lawsuits* Ugh fine, Cassie owns them :( probably for the best. If I owned them, the mortal instruments would just be the shittiest, fluffiest book series ever and Malec, Clace and Sizzy would have WAAAY more sex. It would probably be like:
> 
> City of Bones: C1 – Fluff, C2 – More fluff, C3 – sex, C4 – even more fluff, C5: EVERYONE GETS FLUFFILY MARRIED AND HAS FLUFFY BABIES, EVEN MALEC BECAUSE ALEC IS SECRETLY A FLUFFY FTM AND GETS FLUFFING PREGGERS ACCIDENTLY. Fluff sounds and looks weird now. Fluffy fluffy 
> 
> Enjoy my darlings! (God I sound posh)

Magnus and I had just left a small café after eating lunch when my phone rang.

"Hey, Izz," I said. "What's up?

"Are you doing anything right now?"

"Well, I'm kind of busy. I'm about to-"

"Great!" Izzy interrupted, completely ignoring me. "Let's meet for coffee."

"You're here?" I asked, astonished.

"Yeah, I'm just around the corner from your flat."

"Right, well, okay. Wow." I was used to her unexpected appearances, but could she possibly have picked a better time?

"But I'm kind of busy," I complained, noticing that Magnus and I had accidentally walked into a lonely alleyway.

"What, are you celebrating your monthiversary?"

Monthiversary? I thought briefly in the back of my mind. "How'd you know it was today?" I asked, bewildered.

"I pay more attention to your love life than you do, Alec," She sighed. She sounded like she was disappointed that I would think so little of her as to expect her to forget her brother's relationship milestone. "Of course, I know."

Magnus had moved closer to me, a mischievous shine in his eyes, but I couldn't ask him what he was doing without giving away to Izzy that I was with him, so I just raised my eyebrows at him in a 'Stop whatever you're doing right away' way, before turning my attention back to Izzy. "You are so annoying; you know that right?"

"I try my best," She said sweetly. "Anyway, you can bring Magnus if you want. Simon's here too by the way."

"Are you trying to set me up on a double date?"

Magnus now had his arms around me and he bent his head down to kiss my neck.

"Yes," Izzy said, incredibly smugly.

I sighed. "I guess we could be there." It was getting harder to keep my mind in the conversation, and not just on the movement of Magnus's lips and the way my nerves were tingling throughout my entire body.

Magnus grazed his teeth against my throat, and I gasped, closing my eyes and tilting my head back to allow him easier access. One of his hands gently caressed the back of my neck and I reached my free hand up to link with his, holding it there.

"Are you alright?" Izzy asked. "You sound kind of…odd"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine" I managed, struggling to keep my voice normal as I snaked my arm around Magnus's waist and pulled him closer to me.

"Okay…" Izzy didn't sound convinced.

"Where are we meeting you?" I needed this conversation to end soon.

She gave the name of the café, still sounding a bit confused. "Is that all good?" It was just around the corner, probably only five minutes' walk away.

"We're actually quite far away," I said, and I felt Magnus smile against my skin. He was obviously listening in. "We'll be there in an hour."

"Okay great! I'll see you-" but I had already hung up, fumbling with my phone as it slipped out of my fingers. I barely heard the clattering noise as it landed on the floor, pushing Magnus up against the wall, my mouth moving up to his ear, where I nibbled on his earlobe briefly before kissing a line across his cheek to the corner of his mouth.

Magnus turned his head slightly to connect our lips, my hands already pushing his jacket off and sliding up underneath his button-down shirt. I ran my fingers over the bumps in his spine, all the way down to the small of his back, my hands gliding around the waist of his jeans. My tongue flicked against the seam of Magnus's lips and I felt them part immediately, my tongue darting forward to dance and slide against his. I avoided touching his hair, as much as I wanted to. I knew that if I ruined it he'd give me hell about it after, and there would be plenty of time to wreak havoc on it later. Instead, I lost myself and blocked out everything around us. I felt his hands sliding through my hair and I smiled under his lips, I had no such rules about what my hair looked like.

He pushed away from the hard wall to turn us around and our mouths left each other for a moment as Magnus pushed me back up against it, his hands encircling my head protectively so that I wouldn't hurt it as it connected with the concrete, and my heart melted at the movement, touched that he would make such a tender gesture while we were locked in such a frenzy. His hands moved down to tangle with my shirt and pull me against him again. Our lips reconnected feverishly after only a second of being apart and our chests slammed together. He was pressing me against the wall so hard that I could lift my legs up to wrap them around his hips, using them as leverage to pull him closer to me, press him against me harder. Magnus slipped his hands underneath my thighs to support me, and I moaned against his lips, wordlessly demanding that he tighten his grip, hold me closer. He rocked his hips slightly, and I could do nothing to prevent the small whimpering noises coming from the back of my throat.

It was nothing that we hadn't done before, but it still felt new and exciting, like every touch, every kiss, every movement was the first time for it all. I closed my lips around his lower lip, pulling it into my mouth greedily, almost violently and I gasped as his hands tightened, his nails digging into my jeans. I released his lower lip reluctantly, and I moaned again as he latched his mouth onto my throat. His lips pressed hungrily against my throat, pulling the skin into his mouth hungrily as he moved it over what felt like every inch of my neck. I desperately pressed him closer, insisting that no spot be left unmarked by him.

My lips were swollen and my jaw ached as we separated, and I grudgingly unwrapped my legs from around him, wincing as I felt the cramp. I had been pressing him against me so hard there were sure to be bruises, and my muscles ached from the pressure.

"So much for that self-controlled Alec you mentioned earlier," I said, gasping for breath.

"Guess which way I prefer you," Magnus said, equally breathless.

I was about to answer him when I checked my watch. "Shit."

"What?" Magnus said. "Are we late?"

"We're meant to be there now."

Magnus laughed. "Izzy is so going to give you hell."

"You're the one who couldn't keep your hands to yourself!" I protested.

"Yeah, but I'm not the one who lied about how far away we were so we could get more alone time."

"Magnus!" I said, laughing. I leaned down to pick up his discarded jacket and threw it into his face

"Oh, don't forget your phone," Magnus added.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks." I said, bending down to pick it up and wincing at the slight ache in my legs. "And don't you dare tell Izzy why we're late," I added threateningly as we started walking and he carefully disentangled the buttons on his jacket from his hair.

He placed a hand on his heart and looked horrified. "I wouldn't dream of it. But you should probably, uh, turn your collar up." I glared at him. "And maybe sort out your hair. It looks like a bird mercilessly attacked it, built a nest, laid its eggs and didn't even have the manners to leave any glitter behind as a present."

"Shut up."

I walked into the café, still combing my hands through my hair in an attempt to flatten it and make it look less… bedraggled. I could actually see Magnus's point, it was harder than I'd thought to make my hair presentable, despite having standards that both Izzy and Magnus had described as 'ridiculously low', even if I thought they were perfectly justified. I looked around for Izzy, saw she was sitting at a table directly next to us, and immediately closed my eyes and stopped walking.

I gagged, "Izzy! My eyes!" I said horrified.

"Sorry, big bro," Izzy said, trying for apologetic but really just coming off as amused and smug, as she disentangled her lips from Simon's, pulling her hands out from underneath the table shiftily, evidently trying to hide whatever unspeakably horrible things they had been doing there. Simon ripped his hands out of her hair, panicking and Izzy cursed as his watch caught on her elaborate braid. Simon, to his credit, was blushing bright red and mumbling apologies to both me and Izzy as he fiddled with the watch strap, trying to untangle it from Izzy's hair. "It's not my fault you're late." She muttered, rubbing the back of her head.

"Sorry." I was desperate to change the subject and eradicate all of the scarring images in my head. "We, uh…" It occurred to me now that we should have probably come up with an excuse for why we were late.

"We got held up," Magnus said smoothly.

"Oh my God, Magnus, it's awesome to see you again. How are you?" Izzy said, jumping up to hug Magnus and peck him on the cheek. "And you, of course, Alec." She added.

"Cheers," I said sarcastically as she hugged me.

Simon had stood up now and was holding his hand out to me formally. "It's, uh, nice to, um, see you again." He smiled nervously as I returned the handshake, just as formally. "Sorry about the, um, thing just now."

I was definitely liking this one more than any of her other flings, but I was still a little grumpy with him over the nightmares I would be having for weeks. I had heard some pretty unspeakable things over the last few years, but Izzy had always been careful to do it in the privacy of her bedroom where neither I nor my parents would dare to venture without knocking. That was, unless we wanted a shoe shaped dent in our heads. "It's fine." I lied. "Don't worry about it." That was also a lie. I wanted him to worry about it very much. I wanted him to be absolutely terrified of it ever happening again so I would never be at risk of witnessing anything remotely like this ever again.

"What do you want, babe?" She asked Simon flirtatiously as we sat down, and I turned my head away to look at Magnus. He looked as though he was about to laugh, but his expression snapped immediately to one of dead seriousness when he noticed I was looking. He was overdoing it way too much, and he ended up looking like he was attending a funeral. I appreciated the effort nonetheless.

"We could share that," Simon said pointing at something above the counter, and Izzy giggled, leaning in to kiss the tip of his nose quickly. What the hell had this embarrassed, socially awkward nerd done to her?

"I know you're traumatized and stuff, but you have to admit they're kind of cute." Magnus whispered. "But obviously, they are being way too outgoing. Do you know, I think they should be forbidden from touching at all in public." He added hastily when he saw the outraged look I was giving him. To be honest, that wasn't a bad idea, I thought, as Simon rested his hand casually on Izzy's leg, which was slung over his. The two of them seemed to be inside a little bubble, oblivious to the uncomfortable glances they were getting from both me and other customers.

"We'll go order," Izzy said, turning around to face us and after a moment, pulling her leg back. She had obviously forgotten that she was in such a… comfortable position. "What do you want guys?" I skimmed my gaze over the menu and ended up just getting a brownie.

Izzy and Simon walked up to the counter. There was no queue, and I watched them as they ordered, both giggling the entire time as though sharing an inside joke. I leaned against Magnus's, resting my head against his shoulder, and we waited for the pair to return in contented silence.

Five minutes later Izzy and Simon returned with a tray, and I sat up properly. Izzy immediately started a conversation with Magnus about her new 'fabulous' designer boots she had bought the other day. This left the two most socially awkward people at the table to try and strike up a conversation.

"So, uh," I looked at Magnus for help, but he just looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smirked, obviously laughing at my pain. What was I meant to say? The awkwardness was almost painful. "Izzy told me you're in a band."

Simon smiled modestly. "Yeah it's great, it started as just something to do after school when there was nothing else to do, but me, Matt, Kirk, Eric and Jordan now actually play pretty serious gigs." (A/N: I actually remembered all of them off the top of my head… I need to get a life)

"That sounds pretty cool," I said. "Um, Does Izzy come to your gigs?"

"Yeah, a couple of them."

"Nice," I said, desperate to keep the conversation going for as long as possible, but sensed that it was slipping away.

"Yeah…"

Izzy launched into a rant about something to do with… well, I couldn't really tell, she was speaking a bit too fast, rescuing both of us. I saw Simon nodding enthusiastically and smiling at her, although he made eye contact with me once and rolled his eyes. He obviously had no more idea what she was talking about than I did. Instead, I focussed on eating my brownie, sharing occasional looks and smiles with Magnus.

An hour later my food was long gone, and I could see the waitress looking over at us, irritated. Magnus looked at me, reaching under the table to rest his hand lightly on my leg, his thumb drawing light circles. I moved my hand to rest it on top of his, holding his hand there to stop him from pulling it away. Izzy's voice faded into nothing more than a faint buzzing background noise, although I noticed that Simon was still nodding and smiling encouragingly at her, albeit a little less enthusiastically than before.

I slid my hand to rest it on Magnus's own leg. However, I seemed to have slightly misjudged the distance between us, and as my hand made contact with the front of his jeans he froze, letting out a small gasp of surprise. I ripped my hand away, my face burning red hot and staring down at my food to avoid looking at Magnus. God! I was so clumsy! Why had I done that? Magnus was about to run out of the restaurant and ditch me, like the idiot I was, I knew it. I cursed myself for my carelessness. What the hell was wrong with me? Why hadn't I been more careful? Why couldn't I keep my hands to-

"Are you alright, Alec?" Izzy asked, snapping me out of my panicked frenzy of thoughts. "You're bright red. You look like you're having an allergic reaction or something."

"I'm fine," I insisted, trying to get my thoughts under control.

"Are you sure? Because you look really red?" Suddenly there was a warm hand pressing against my own, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe Magnus wasn't angry with me, maybe it would be alright. "Alec?" Izzy asked again. "You seem really out of it today, you sounded really weird on the phone earlier." My heart rate was going back to normal as I saw Magnus smile at me out of the corner of my eye.

"Really, I'm fine, I promise."

"Okay." She eyed me suspiciously, but let it go and turned back to Simon to continue her monologue.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to Magnus.

"Why are you sorry?" Magnus looked at me, his eyes twinkling. "I don't mind."

I blushed again. "But you kind of…froze."

"I'll admit, I wasn't expecting you to do anything like that in a café in front of your sister and her nerdy boyfriend."

"It was an accident," I whispered, trying to explain.

Magnus looked at me with such a look of affectionate frustration and amusement that I felt a sudden urge to kiss him right there. "Can we get out of here?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

I nodded in agreement and raised my voice to normal volume. "Izzy, me and Magnus actually have to go. We're, uh, meeting someone else soon."

"Who?" Izzy asked curiously.

"A friend of mine."

"What are you guys doing?"

"We're actually meeting him really soon, so we really have to go. No time to explain." I kissed the top of her head and patted Simon awkwardly on the shoulder.

"Well…See you soon!" I saw Izzy wave at us, but we were already out of the shop and walking away.

After a minute of speed walking, I realized something. "Oh shit, I forgot to pay."

"I'm sure you can pay Izzy back next time you see her."

"But… I feel bad," I whined.

"Well, as I see it, you have two options," Magnus said. "You can either turn around and go back." His eyes sparkled mischievously. "Or you can forget about them and come with me."

I gulped nervously. "Where are we going?"

He leaned in. "It's a surprise," He whispered, his breath hot against my ear and I felt my chest tighten. His eyes smouldered, and in that moment, I sincerely hoped that our destination was nearby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I KNOW! I know it's a shitty ending! I'm sorry! Don't throw anyth- OW! Who threw that? I will find you and throw something equally mean at you. Like a teddy bear. Teddy bears are cute, aren't they? With their pretty eyes and just general fluffiness. I guess they're kind of like Alec and Magnus in that way… I'm getting distracted.
> 
> The point is IM REALLY SORRY FOR THE SHITTY ENDING. NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE CUTE.
> 
> I gotta go edit it now, which is probably my least favourite part. *Sigh*
> 
> Update: I have decided the entire kissing scene is the wrong way round, and I'm about to go through the boring process of flipping the roles. Bloody hell.
> 
> Update 2: Omg Alec reacts so ridiculously; I didn't realise how much he overreacts when I wrote it! Let's all laugh at what a stupidly socially awkward babe he is.
> 
> Update 3: I have had to edit this SO MANY TIMES while writing C11 just to make C11 easier to write. JFC
> 
> As this goes out, you should know that both C11 and C12 are finished and edited (Unbetad though). I think you'll like them ;)


	11. Bubbles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep I changed my mind, from now on chapters are posted on Sundays because I always stress out about having to post them before I leave the house. Also I can't wait until Monday to post chapters. :)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare.
> 
> Enjoy!

"Okay, so I lied." Magnus said after a while. "The surprise is later. Now we have a few hours to kill before said mysterious surprise swings into action." He flourished his arms dramatically when he said 'mysterious', obviously trying to echo his words with his actions, but just coming off as flamboyant and slightly ridiculous. My efforts to subdue my laughter were unsuccessful. (Picture Kat's impression of Magnus in the AU episode (1x10). Literally the best thing ever, look up a gif of it)

"Sorry," I laughed at his outraged look, "You just looked really silly."

"I did not!" He said indignantly. "I looked fabulous and… majestic."

"Alright, I'm sorry. You looked very majestic." I said. I burst into laughter again when I saw Magnus's frustrated look at my blatant sarcasm.

"You are a mean person, Alexander Lightwood," Magnus said, pouting.

"What do you want to do in the few hours before the mysterious surprise?" I mimicked his arm movement, drastically overdoing it and smirking at his expression.

He walked away from me, making a certain rude hand gesture at me, and I paused for a moment to laugh before going after him.

After a few hours, Magnus had looked at his phone, cheered, and declared that the mysterious surprise was ready. We had been walking for nearly half an hour when my restraint broke. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?" I asked desperately. I didn't recognize the part of town we were in, and the sky was starting to turn orange as dusk approached.

"No." He said, casually. "Sorry." He didn't sound very sorry. He sounded like he was enjoying this far too much.

"Please?" I smiled at him. "I'm sorry about saying you looked silly earlier," I tried.

He rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter what you say, you will never be forgiven for that." I pouted and widened my eyes.

He groaned. "Stop looking at me like that. It's distracting."

"Good." I slipped my hand into his back pocket and leaned into him as we walked, brushing my eyelashes against his cheek.

"Come on! You aren't playing fair." He looked at me indignantly, but still slid his hand into his back pocket to interlace with mine. It was a miracle that his ridiculously tight jeans allowed two whole hands inside one pocket, but I wasn't complaining.

"I never promised to," I whispered.

"Okay, no." He pulled his hand out of his pocket, throwing my arm back against me and shoving me playfully. "Stop. I am trying to make a great romantic gesture-"

"Great romantic gesture?" I asked as I edged back towards him sneakily.

"Surprise, remember."

"Oh, yeah," I said, remembering. "That."

"But you're totally ruining it." He complained

"Uh huh?" I smirked, resting my head against his shoulder.

"Totally." He pouted, and I laughed.

"Okay, okay." I held my hands up defensively. "I'll behave." However, I slipped my arm around his waist and grinned at him.

"God, you're annoying."

"Only for you, Magnus," I smiled sweetly at him, but took my arm away anyway; it wasn't just Magnus the contact was affecting. I made sure to brush my fingers against the bare skin below his shirt as I pulled away, though, and got a moment of satisfaction as I felt goose bumps erupt underneath my touch. "How far do we have to go anyway?"

"Like…" Magnus looked around, checking where we were. "Two minutes."

I suddenly recognized the street. "We're going to your place, aren't we?"

"Wow. good guess," Magnus said sarcastically and I elbowed him in the ribs.

"Okay, so what's the surprise?" I asked, hoping he would crack. Magnus just raised his eyebrows at me. "Oh right, yeah. It's a surprise."

"What is with you and surprises?" He asked laughing.

"I don't like not knowing stuff," I muttered grumpily.

"I'm getting that." He laughed.

I scowled at him, before perking up. "So what's the surprise?"

I continued to relentlessly quiz him, trying to trick him in any way I could, all the way up the stairs and to his door.

"Okay, shush. Stop. The surprise is literally right here." He said reproachfully as he unlocked the door.

"I-" I opened my mouth to retort, but stopped dead in my tracks when Magnus opened the door, my mouth forming a comical 'O'.

A couple of lamps dimly illuminated the room, giving a soft yellow glow. Magnus's small table had been moved, and steam rose in delicate spirals from plates of food. There was a small tea light in the center, which flickered in the draft coming through the open door. It was such a simple setup, yet I stood dumbfounded at the door in disbelief.

"What…How?" I still wasn't sure what to say.

"I had some help," Magnus said, looking at me apprehensively like he was nervous for my reaction.

"Wow." It was all I could think of to say. "You did this…for me?"

"No, I did it for the cute girl next door," Magnus said sarcastically. His eyes softened. "Of course I did it for you."

I still wasn't sure what to say, how to express how grateful and flattered I was that anyone would do this, especially for me, so I kissed him, hoping it would be enough; hoping that I could convey my emotions through the way I held his shoulders, cradled his face, moved my fingers to softly stroke his skin. His lips were soft and warm underneath mine, his hands gentle as they rested lightly on my waist, kissing me back just as slowly as I was kissing him. "Thank you," I whispered against his lips.

"Not to ruin the mood or anything…" Magnus whispered back, pulling away slightly to look at me properly. "…but I think our food might be getting cold."

He made it sound so meaningless, the effort he had put in for me, like it was no trouble at all, like he had wanted to do it simply to see the look on my face, to make me happy. I brushed my lips lightly against his again. "Yeah, of course. Let's eat"

Magnus made a show about leading me to my seat and pulling it out for me, smirking the entire time, before sitting down opposite to me.

"So are you going to explain how you did this when you've been with me all day?" I asked after a minute, starting on my food.

"I might have planned in advance." He said vaguely. I raised my eyebrows at him. "Well, okay, Jace helped."

"Jace?" I asked incredulously. "Jace did this?" The impression I had gotten from him was not one of perfectly cooked casseroles and romantic evenings.

Magnus laughed at my reaction. "He's actually a total softie. And I think Clary and Ragnor helped." He paused to take a bite. "Also, Ragnor is actually quite a good cook."

"What?" I said laughing. "No way."

"Yeah, totally. We all have no idea where he learned it, he won't tell us. We all agreed that it must be something really embarrassing, Jace thinks he only learned it to impress a guy, cooked his dinner and tried to sleep with him before finding out that he was actually really, really straight."

"That does sound like Ragnor," I agreed. "And Jace," I added as an afterthought

"What?" He laughed "You think it's like Jace to learn cooking to sleep with a guy before finding out they're straight? I hate to crush your dreams but Jace is the straightest person I've ever met."

I laughed, putting my hand on my chest dramatically. "Oh, how will I go on? No, I meant it sounded like Jace to come up with a theory like that."

"Oh," Magnus said, laughing.

"Although, I thought Will was the straightest person you'd ever met?"

"He is," Magnus said. I raised my eyebrows quizzically. "He and Jace are carbon copies of each other, they're basically the same person. He's even obsessing over a girl who is exactly like Clary, even though his best friend, Jem, is dating her. Those Herondale boys really have a thing for girls they can't have. She's called Tessa."

"Why can't Jace have Clary?"

"Oh yeah, it's super complicated. Basically, Clary's dad left when Clary was born, he even took Clary's older brother with him. Jace was raised by Clary's dad, and for a while they thought they were related, but it's all cool now because Jace worked out he was adopted."

"But wouldn't that make them adopted brother and sister?" I asked.

"Technically yes, but they got over it."

"Wow. Really puts other couple's problems in perspective," I said. "You know, you get this kind of…happy expression when you talk about them."

"Do I?"

"Yeah, it's like you could talk about them for years," I smiled at him, noticing that our plates were getting empty.

"You look like that sometimes too, you know." He said. "Mostly when you're talking about your siblings.

Even a mention of them made me smile, and unbidden images came into my head suddenly: Izzy sticking her tongue out at me as I made her coffee, Max spread out across the sofa with his head resting in her lap as they watched Doctor Who just before his bedtime; Izzy and Max cheering the loudest out of everyone as I graduated, Max perched on Izzy's shoulders and waving his arms wildly; even longer ago, so long ago the memory was slightly fuzzy and vague, Izzy and me standing over a new-born Max's crib and bickering over who's turn it was to hold him.

"You're doing it now," Magnus crowed triumphantly, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Sorry." I blushed and took a large bite of casserole to cover my awkwardness.

"Why're you sorry?" Magnus asked. "It's cute."

"Thanks." I blushed even more. Magnus reached across the table to cover my hand with his own, and I flipped mine over, his fingers tangling with mine

I felt my insides tightening, and our eyes locked. My breath hitched in my throat and my lips parted slightly. It was all I could do not to throw myself at him and kiss him at that moment, but I I looked down at my food, pulling my hand away and clearing my throat.

"Are you done?" I asked,

"Yup," Magnus said, smirking at me and standing up.

He stacked our plates and moved across the room to the sink, my brain still filled with the way his lips curved up at one side when he smirked. He turned the tap on, the sound of the rushing water filling the room, and I paused for a moment before standing up and walking over to him. I knew that the sound of the water would disguise my footsteps, and I slipped my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder, his collar tickling my cheek and moving forward to press my body against his. He stiffened, surprised, for less than a second before relaxing a little, although I could see his hands tightening on the edge of the sink, his knuckles turning white. I breathed in his ear deliberately, knowing he would feel my hot breath tickling his skin, and he leaned back into me, starting to wash the plates, although his body was still tense with anticipation. I leaned forward even more and brushed my lips against his ear.

"I love you," I whispered, not realising what I was going to say until the words were out of my mouth, surprising even myself, and I felt Magnus's chest expand into my own as he gasped, abandoning the plates in the sink and turning around in the circle of my arms to face me. His eyes were wide and his lips were parted slightly as I stared at him with determination.

It was strange. I remembered the panic that had overcome me in the café when I had touched him, but now I was completely calm. My heart was beating steadily if a little stronger from the adrenaline rushing through me.

Magnus opened and closed his mouth slightly for a few seconds, bowing his head, obviously grappling with what to say. I felt the wave of nerves hit me for the first time. I couldn't tell if he was fumbling with his words because he was so touched by my statement, or if it was because he was horrified. I stood my ground, willing him to look at me. After a moment, he met my eyes properly, and I was shocked to see that they were slightly wet, shining with tears that had not fallen yet. I had never seen him cry before.

"Aku mencintaimu kamu." He whispered back.

"What does that mean?" I asked, still unsure, but my heart racing in hope.

"I love you too." He whispered and kissed me softly, his wet hands coming up to hold the sides of my face, the soap suds tickling my ears. My heart felt like it was going to burst with happiness, and I pulled him closer, kissing him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AWWWW. For those of you wondering, this is not the last monthiversary chapter. Hehe. No spoilers, though…


	12. Vodka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well apparently in the last half an hour since i started mass posting this story people are already reading it, so hi! *Waves and gives you cookies for reading my story*

"Magnus, wake up!" A girl shouted from outside the flat, pounding on the door. "I need your help!"

I groaned and opened my eyes, looking around the room for the source of the disturbance. Magnus was still asleep, lying on top of me, resting in the circle of my arms, his head tucked under my chin. His hand was lying beside my head, a few loose strands of my hair tangled in his fingers. He must have fallen asleep playing with it.

I closed my eyes again and smiled as the memories of last night came pouring back. The heated kisses; the way he had looked at me; the way he had stroked my hair and kissed me when he was trying to distract me from the pain; the burning, overwhelming, intense pleasure. The way he had looked at me when I had told him I loved him, and how he had said it back and kissed me like he wanted to stay like that forever, his lips soft against mine and his arms holding me tightly.

"Magnus, wake the hell up!" The girl shouted again, and I snapped my eyes open again. I looked down at Magnus, and rested my hands on his shoulders, squeezing them slightly.

"Hey," I whispered in his ear. He stirred slightly, shifting his weight, making me blush and inhale sharply at the way his stomach rubbed against my crotch.

"Magnus!" the girl shouted, and pounded on the door again.

"Alexander," Magnus mumbled sleepily, barely conscious, and he looked at me. "Morning."

"Hi," I said, a little embarrassed. I wasn't sure what to expect.

"Hi," Magnus replied, smiling at me in amusement.

I suddenly remembered the shouting girl. "Oh, yeah. There's- " I started, but Magnus had moved closer to me, his lips meeting mine with a sigh. He opened my mouth with his and slid his tongue forward, tangling it with mine. His breath tasted a little stale, but I didn't care. I wound my arms around him, bringing him closer. He pulled me up so I was sitting up, and straddled my legs, rubbing his body against mine so subtly it was almost undetectable, and I sighed into his mouth and ran my hands over his bare back.

"Magnus! Where the hell are you?" She pounded on the door again, even harder than before and Magnus stilled.

"Oh, yeah." I said, remembering again. I needed to stop getting distracted. "There's a really loud girl at your front door."

Magnus slumped against me, resting his forehead on my shoulder and groaning. "I'm going to kill her." He pulled away, going to get dressed.

"Uh." My question stuck in my throat as I watched him move across the room. I cleared my throat. "Who, um, is that?"

Magnus smirked at my stutters, and turned to face me, deliberately showing me his entire body, and I felt my heartbeat speed up and I took a deep breath. "Cami. I have literally no idea what she is doing here, though." He turned around to pick up a pair of boxers.

I sighed, but smiled suddenly with an idea, and pushed the duvet off me. He straightened up, a pair of boxers in one hand, turning back around to face me. Magnus promptly dropped the boxers when he saw me, and I moved to stand up. I didn't get very far though, as soon as I started to move my legs off the bed I hissed as I felt the soreness.

"Ow," I groaned, and I saw Magnus give me a sympathetic look.

"Is it really bad?" He asked anxiously.

"No," I lied. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Magnus asked, walking over to me and sitting beside me, his hands fluttering anxiously around my shoulders.

"Yeah." I smiled, and stood up, ignoring the pain.

"Magnus!" Cami yelled.

"Coming, coming." He sighed, and kissed me. "Just give me a minute."

He put on his boxers, much to my disappointment, and pulled on a t-shirt. He attempted to flatten his hair as he walked over to the door, giving me a smile as he left, closing the door behind him.

I sat down again, wincing as I moved, although the pain was lessening slightly. I heard Magnus open the door and greet Cami. I wasn't going to just sit here naked while he talked to her, so I grabbed my discarded boxers from the floor and borrowed one of Magnus's t-shirts. It was far too tight for me, but it was better than nothing. Cami was still raging over how long it had taken for Magnus to answer the door.

"How were you still fucking asleep? What the hell were you even doing last night? It's nearly 11! How-" When I opened the door she spun around to face me, before looking furiously at Magnus. "Well at least I know what you were doing last night. Or, should I say who…"

"What's going on, Cami?" Magnus interrupted her firmly. I still stood awkwardly by the door.

"Um, coffee?" I offered.

"Vodka?" Cami asked hopefully.

"It is, as you so astutely pointed out, not even 11 o'clock yet."

"Vodka?" Cami repeated and raised her eyebrows at Magnus.

Magnus sighed. "That cupboard." He pointed to one and she marched over to it, grabbing a bottle, opening it and taking a sip straight away.

"Coffee?" I mouthed at Magnus behind Cami's back.

"God, yes," Magnus mouthed back. "Thank you." He winked at me.

I busied myself making coffee as I listened to their conversation.

"Okay, Cam, relax. Put the bottle down for a moment." Magnus said. She glared at him, and he raised his hands defensively. "Or not. What happened?"

Cami mumbled something so quietly, neither of us heard her.

Magnus raised his eyebrows. "You want to try that again?" Magnus asked.

"I, uh, did something I probably shouldn't have." Cami said as I poured the water into coffee cups.

"Mm hmm?" Magnus pressed

"Well, I, uh, I went out last night with the guys, and, um, got very drunk."

"Yeah, so what?" Magnus asked, confused as I passed a steaming cup of coffee to him and sat down next to him. "I've seen you so drunk that you were trying to get a tree to sleep with you, and getting very frustrated that it was 'ignoring' you."

"That was one time." She said indignantly. "Well, I, uh." She looked around as if searching for words.

"Spit it out, Cam."

She took a deep breath. "I slept with Ragnor."

Magnus, who had just taken a sip of coffee spluttered and spat out his mouthful, coughing and looking at Cami with a disbelieving expression on his face. I patted his back helpfully.

"You did what?" Magnus said, aghast.

Cami took another drink from the bottle, and buried her face in her hands. "I know," she wailed, her voice muffled. "We were in the same taxi. Will had gone home, sulking about Jem and Tessa being sickeningly cute, as usual, and Jace and Clary were dancing so close together that they were basically already having sex. Me and Ragnor were too drunk to drive, or even walk home, so we got a taxi and Ragnor offered to let me crash on his sofa."

"Okay." Magnus said, still looking a little overwhelmed.

"We were just talking, and then suddenly we were kissing, and I was taking his clothes off and he was undoing my bra."

Magnus held up his hand, wincing. "Stop right now, please."

"Sorry," She said, biting her lip. "I just can't believe I did that."

He sighed, and rubbed his eyes. "God, Cam. You have the worst timing."

"Oh yeah." She shot me an apologetic smile. "Sorry about that."

"Well, was it…" Magnus searched for words for a moment. "…good?

"Well-" Cami started.

"Ah! no, don't." Magnus interrupted. "I've changed my mind; I really don't want to know."

"But what am I meant to do?" She wailed. "Everything is going to be weird between us."

"Aw, babe, come here." He hugged her, rolling his eyes at me over her shoulder. I smiled encouragingly back. "Ragnor doesn't do strings, I promise things will go back to normal soon." He hesitated, obviously conflicted over what to say. "They did for me, after we…" he trailed off. I froze, looking down at the ground. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him looking at me with a 'don't freak out' expression on his face. Cami and Magnus's conversation became strangely distanced.

"Did they?" Cami asked, pulling away to look at him hopefully.

"Yeah, just ignore him for a while." Magnus said, still looking at me.

"Okay," She sighed. "Well, I guess I'll see you soon."

"See you around," Magnus smiled at her, fidgeting with one of his many rings.

"And, um, I'm sorry for having such shitty timing."

"Bye." Magnus waved enthusiastically before shutting the door and slumping against it, looking at me anxiously.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked quietly.

Magnus walked over to me, grabbing my hands. "I didn't want you to think it mattered. Because it doesn't."

"Was it…serious?"

"No." Magnus said insistently. "It was a hook up, just a few weeks."

"Did you…" I trailed off.

"Yes." Magnus was staring into my eyes. "But that was pretty much all we did."

"No, I meant, did you…love him?"

His eyes softened. "No. Absolutely not. It was basically all for the sex. I never loved him, and he never loved me. It was years ago. Ragnor's slept with too many people to get sentimental about a few weeks of sex that long ago, especially when we were both awkward, horny, teenage virgins."

I was beginning to relax. "I just wish you'd told me."

"I know. I'm sorry, baby. I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

"Anyone else I should know about?" I asked lightly, wondering if I was about to discover Magnus's secret affair with Simon or something. To be honest, that was a tad unlikely.

Magnus looked at his shoes, and I tensed up. What was he about to tell me? Or not tell me? "Cam." He muttered eventually.

"Cami?" I asked calmly, although my insides were actually twisting and curling sickeningly. "A fling, like Ragnor?" I asked hopefully, but I felt my stomach give a violent lurch when he shook his head.

"Three years."

"Three years?" I echoed blankly.

Magnus squeezed my shoulders, imploring me to understand. "I did love her, but we just kind of fell apart. I still care about her, but not like that anymore. I think she might still have some lingering feelings for me, but she doesn't want to talk about it and I don't want to make her uncomfortable. I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"It's fine, Magnus, really. It's just…" I grappled with how to word my insecurities without sounding childish.

"What?" Magnus asked, looking worried.

"Well," I said, blushing. "They're both so… It's hard to compete with them."

"You're not competing with them." He said immediately. "And yes, they're both annoyingly attractive, but guess what?"

"What?" I mumbled.

"They don't come close to you." I looked down at my shoes, blushing, but Magnus tilted my head up with his finger to look at me. His words were not as fluid and confident as normal, as though he had not thought through what he was going to say, but was just saying whatever came to mind. "You never have to worry about them being better than you, you are amazing and beautiful, and I love you." He paused for a moment "Aku cinta kamu, Alexander."

"I love you too." I replied, relishing the elation that came automatically with those words. "And thank you for just… telling me everything. Not lying to make me feel better."

"I might not tell you things about my past, but I will always tell you when I won't… or can't say anything. And I will never, ever lie to you."

"I know," I whispered. "Thank you."

"No problem." Magnus flashed me a smile. "Breakfast?"

"Yeah," I said fervently and Magnus began to move around the kitchen. "You know? I still don't know what language Ika Cinti Kama or whatever is from."

Magnus smirked. "Aku Cinta Kamu," He corrected. "It's Indonesian."

"Is that what your accent is?"

"Well. It's kind of a mixture of Indonesian, British and Spanish. I travelled a lot in the past." He paused, reminiscing. "But that's not the point, the point is, you are absolutely butchering the pronunciation. Say it like this." He said the phrase again, showing me which parts to enunciate, how to say the 'c' like a 'ch' sound.

"Aku cinta kamu?" I tried, and Magnus suppressed a laugh. "Aw, come on!" I hit Magnus's arm playfully. "It wasn't that bad. Was it?"

"It was awful." He smiled and kissed me gently. "We have a lot of time to work on it, though. Don't we?"

I smiled. "We do."

Magnus moved forward again for another lingering kiss and I sighed and leaned into him. I was never going to get bored of this, the feeling of Magnus's soft lips against mine, his tongue brushing against the inside of my mouth, his gentle hands brushing my skin.


	13. Sharing Clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all seem to be terrified for the plot, and all I have to say to you is mwahahahaha ;)
> 
> This has now caught up with my regular posting, so I didn't get bored, you just have to wait until this Sunday!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Cassie owns these adorable characters.

Doorbells were annoying. That was my newest revelation of the morning. Mine had rung at what could possibly be considered the most inconvenient time imaginable, and being literally caught with your pants down is not as funny as it sounds.

"Go. Away," Magnus groaned, sitting up to glare at the door over my shoulder.

"I should probably get that," I said regretfully, and Magnus fell back down to the pillows and stuck his middle finger up at the front door. I laughed and kissed him quickly before dragging myself off of him. I sighed as I pulled some clothes on, although the jeans were strangely tighter than usual.

"My jeans look awesome on you," Magnus smirked, and I looked down.

"Fuck."

The doorbell rang insistently. If it was Cami again I was going to hit the roof. I heard my phone vibrate but ignored it, I would get it later.

"Fuck," I whispered to myself again. I raised my voice. "I'm coming, hang on."

I checked my reflection in the mirror as I walked over to the door. My hair was hanging limply in my eyes, other pieces sticking out at awkward angles for a bad case of 'makeout hair', and my lips were a little puffy, not to mention the marks all over my neck, both faded marks from weeks ago and brand new ones. I was at least somewhat presentable to whoever was knocking at my door, and if they didn't know about Magnus then I would probably be able to get away with it.

Still, I turned my collar up anyway and opened the door, my jaw dropping open as I saw who was on the other side. My mother was standing in front of me stiffly. Izzy was looking apologetically at me over our mother's shoulder, and Max peeking out from behind her and clutching her hand.

"Mum," I said, attempting to keep my voice light. The way she squirmed slightly at the informal address did not pass me by. "Uh… Come in."

"Thank you." She walked in, and Izzy, leading Max, followed. As soon as he was in the apartment he ran at me and jumped into my arms.

"Alec!" He wrapped his arms around my neck tightly and I returned the bear hug, lifting him off the ground and swinging him around a little before setting him back down. He was getting so big, no longer looking like a child. It was crazy to imagine that he would be a teenager soon. I ruffled his hair and leaned in to kiss Izzy on the cheek.

"Sorry, I did try to warn you. I texted you, didn't you get it?" She whispered in my ear subtly.

"So…What are all of you doing here?" I asked, looking at Izzy confused.

"Can you take Max for a few days?" Maryse's words were clipped and to the point, as they always were.

"Why…?" I asked apprehensively. I didn't want to get caught in the middle of another one of my parents' fights.

"Both your father and I are on business trips this weekend. Izzy will stay too and look after Max, that way he won't get in your way."

"Okay, I'm sure that'll be fine," I said.

That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I caught the handle on my bedroom door start to turn and I panicked. Izzy had noticed it too and looked at me. "Magnus?" She mouthed, and when I nodded she silently swore to herself.

"Why don't I get you some coffee, mum?" Izzy asked, standing up and leading our mother towards the kitchen, shooting a delighted look at me as she left. The two had just vanished when the door opened hesitantly and Magnus poked his head out the door nervously. He was wearing the pair of jeans that he kept in my drawers, just in case something like this happened. He also had a toothbrush and spare makeup in a corner of my bathroom.

"Who's that, Alec?" Max asked innocently. Shit. I'd forgotten about Max.

I sighed, there was no escaping it now. "This is my friend, Maxy. He's called Magnus."

"Hello, Magnus," Max said shyly. He paused for a moment, considering him. "Why were you in Alec's room?"

"He was, er…" I hadn't anticipated this.

"I was borrowing your brother's phone charger," Magnus said smoothly, and I shot him a grateful look.

"Uh huh." Max didn't look convinced.

"But mum, what if Alec wants some coffee too?" Izzy asked, following our mother back into the living room, futilely trying to stall her for as long as possible.

"I'm sure he's already had some, Isabelle- Oh!"

"Sorry," Izzy mouthed at me from behind our mother as she stared confused at the mysterious, sexy man standing in the middle of my flat. Izzy gave me a mad grin and stuck her tongue out at me, glancing between me and Magnus knowingly.

"Hello. Um… Who are you?" Maryse asked, confused.

"Hello," Magnus said cheerily. "I'm Magnus Bane, your son's-"

"Roommate." I finished quickly, ignoring the look Magnus shot me. "Magnus is sleeping on my sofa at the moment, just for a few weeks.

Maryse nodded. "Alright. You don't mind sleeping elsewhere for a few days, do you?" She posed the question in such a way that did not invite the answer 'no'.

I looked at Magnus meaningfully. "That's fine, you can stay at Will's, or Ragnor's, can't you?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Magnus smiled, but I knew him well enough to tell that the smile was fake. "I'll see you later, Alexander." He moved behind my mother, pretending to gather his stuff and mouthed "What's happening?" at me. When I waved his question away he looked at me questioningly over his shoulder as he walked to the door.

I debated for a moment. "Mum, I'm just going to say goodbye to Magnus."

I left the room, briefly hearing Maryse's voice behind me say "Isabelle, do you know this man?"

"Hey," I murmured when I met Magnus. "Let's go outside."

When we were standing outside my front door, the dim lights cast Magnus's face into shadow as he spoke. "You didn't tell them?"

I blushed and stared at my feet. "They know I'm gay, but not about you," I mumbled. "They didn't exactly react well the first time I told them something important."

"Okay, well you can tell me everything later, but for now, I think I should probably go."

"Fine, but before you go…" I pushed Magnus against the wall and kissed him hard, my hands twisting in his t-shirt and pulling him closer, my hips rubbing softly against his and my teeth nibbling on his tongue. He moaned softly and his hands reached down to slip into my back pockets, squeezing my skin through my jeans and crushing our lower bodies closer together.

"No, no, nope." He said, pulling away quickly and smiling. "You have to go back. As much as I would like to continue what we were doing before your family crashed in on our morning, I think they might notice if you didn't come back."

I groaned. "You're probably right."

"No," Magnus said. "I'm always right."

"Okay, get out of here, loser. I love you."

"Love you too, baby," Magnus smiled and kissed me again. He started walking down the stairs. "Bye," he said, waving.

I watched him go regretfully, fully aware that I would probably not be able to see him for days. I returned to the living room and found my mother standing up and preparing to leave.

"I have a plane to catch, but I'll see you soon Alexander." She kissed my cheek, although it was more our cheeks colliding awkwardly than affectionate. "Goodbye Isabelle, Max. Have a nice few days." She hugged Izzy and kissed the top of Max's head, and then left.

"Phew. Glad that's over." Izzy collapsed onto the sofa and ran a hand through her curls. Suddenly a sly grin spread across her face as she remembered something, and she jumped up. She turned the TV on and chucked the remote at Max, who caught it. "Have fun, watch what you like. Alec and I and Alec are going into the next room for a few minutes."

"Okay." Max laid on the sofa and started flicking through the channels, settling on an anime.

When the door was shut behind us Izzy opened her mouth to speak. "Didn't you get my text?"

"No," I said confused, walking over to my phone. I could see Izzy's many texts.

mum's bringing me and max 2 stay at urs

we're like 5mins away

if magnus is reading this then BABE ILY BUT U NEED 2 GET OUT

omg al ffs stop screwing m and reply ;)

ok we're literally outside ur door i hope u've sorted ur shit out

wow how long does it take 4 u to get dressed

mums getting impatient

hurry tf up

i hope keeping us waiting was worth it ;)

Her guesses were so accurate it was scary, and I blushed, despite there being no one around.

"I was only joking, Alec," She said laughing. She studied me for a moment "Except… you're not embarrassed because of that, are you? Are you…Are you embarrassed because I'm right? Is that why your collar is turned up and your hair looks even more awful than usual? Oh my God-"

"Wait, Izzy, you can freak out all you like in 5 minutes." I interrupted. "But first, why is mum bringing you to stay with me when you could just look after Max on your own?"

"Oh yeah, that. Something about me being too irresponsible or something."

I raised my eyebrows. "And how is she only noticing that now?"

Izzy punched my arm. "She may have caught me in a… compromising position."

I buried my face in my hands. "Oh God. Simon?"

"Yup," Izzy smiled mischievously but then punched my arm again at my disapproving stare. "Don't give me that judgey look. You can't do that anymore, not after we pretty much interrupted your morning sex with Magnus."

"Izzy!" I admonished.

She sighed, frustrated. "Can I get excited now?" She asked, and when I nodded reluctantly she squealed happily and silently freaked out for a few minutes, jumping up and down and waving her arms around frantically, a manic grin on her face. I could have sworn that at one point she had tears of pride in her eyes.

"It is disturbing how happy you are."

"Nah, it's normal!" She paused. "Probably."

I rolled my eyes. "It is so not normal."

"Yeah, but we're going to pretend it is. My big brother has lost his innocence!" I groaned and ran my agitated hands through my hair, and she grinned at me. "One more question…"

"What…?" I asked apprehensively.

"Have you said the L-word yet?"

I blushed, but could do nothing to stop the smile spreading. "Maybe."

"Awwww." She clasped her hands together excitedly. "That's so cute! Also, your jeans look awesome. They are a bit long, though," She added as an afterthought.

"God, yeah." I groaned. "They're Magnus's. It was an accident."

Isabelle laughed, and looked like she was about to say something else, but she was cut off by the door suddenly bursting open and Max pelting in. "Izzy! Izzy!" He tugged on her shirt. "Doctor Who is starting soon! We have to watch it!"

"Okay, Maxy, I'll be out in a moment." Max bounded back out of the room and I watched him leap over the back of the sofa and splay himself across it.

Izzy stood next to me watching him. "I'm proud of you, babe." She said, still gazing absently at our little brother. "Now…Doctor Who!"

"Haven't you run out of episodes to watch?" I asked.

"We found like six or seven seasons on Netflix and we're re-watching them."

"Where are you?"

"David Tennant and Martha," Izzy said.

"I have no idea what that means," I admitted. "Oh, wait! I know that David Tennant's Scottish. Are you proud of me?"

"Very proud," Izzy said sarcastically, patting my back and walking out. She sat down on the sofa, pulling a pillow into her lap and letting Max lay his head there. She ruffled his hair playfully and pointed at the TV, it muffling the words she spoke. Max giggled, and when he noticed me staring he beckoned me to come and watch with them.

"Come on Alec! We'll explain it to you." He beckoned again, more insistently. I sighed, resigned to the fact that I would have absolutely no idea what was happening, but walked out to join them anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is kind of a short chapter!
> 
> Let me know what you think of Max, he's kind of adorable IMO, but idk if I did him justice!


	14. Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I can't believe it's already been 15 chapters! It feels super recent that I came up with the idea for chapter one (It was 1AM and I was trying to go to sleep, but I basically wrote the entire idea down and didn't go to sleep until like 2AM, Oops! Also by the time this chapter comes out I will probably have written chapter 30 at this rate). I'm just getting nostalgic over just a chapter number, imagine when we hit six months.
> 
> Basically, this is one of the favourite parts of my life right now, and I seem to be writing in every spare moment I get. All of you who took the time to read my entire story, as well as everyone who has kudod and commented on it are awesome, and I love you all for being so amazing!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Shadowhunters books, nor do I own any of the characters. But I wanna.
> 
> Enjoy!

The next day I was lying on my bed working over my laptop, listening to Isabelle teaching Max all about the different roles in theatre, after he had foolishly asked about her job. She was doing work experience at a theatre down in London helping the costume team and generally getting acquainted with the way a theatre worked. It was an incredible opportunity, most likely arranged by our aristocratic parents with their seemingly infinite connections.

She was going on for so long I could almost hear Max's brain snoring, and I decided to intervene; my essay was almost done anyway. "Izz, why don't we go for a run?" I said, pushing my door open. "We haven't run together for ages." Izzy looked up, surprised, and I saw Max fake shooting himself with boredom behind Izzy's back and rolling his eyes at me. I covered my mouth with my hand to smother my laugh as Izzy chewed her lip.

"Will Max be okay on his own?" Izzy asked.

"I'm twelve, not five," Max interjected indignantly from behind Izzy. "I can stay on my own for a few hours."

"You sure, Maxy?" I asked, still trying not to laugh.

He folded his arms obstinately. "Yeah."

"Okay, fine," I said, releasing a little chuckle. "Izzy, did you bring your stuff?"

For a second Max looked slightly disgruntled at losing the opportunity throw a temper tantrum, but then he shrugged and lost interest, going to play with his little wooden soldier.

Izzy dug around in the massive suitcase for her running kit, and I was not surprised to see that its contents were around 90% Izzy's clothes, with a couple of dark t-shirts stuffed into the sides that evidently belonged to Max. She left the room with her clothes to get changed, and I ducked into the bathroom to change myself.

"Be careful," I called to Max as we left the flat, and he murmured something indistinguishable in reply. "We'll see you later. Love you."

"Love you too," he called back, grinning toothily at us. Izzy smiled, and bounded across the room to ruffle his hair and kiss the top of his head affectionately. He squirmed and ran his hand through his hair absently to fix the damage Izzy had caused, and Izzy stifled a giggle. I knew she was thinking the same thing as me. He looked almost identical to me when he did that, from the way he scrunched his nose up, to how his fingers played with the ends of his hair a little.

Izzy bounced back across the room, and we left the flat, the summer sun bathing our faces in a warm glow that reflected off of Izzy's sparkly eye makeup, just like Magnus's.

\-----

"Wait for me," I called as I bent over, coughing and panting, droplets of sweat falling from my forehead to the dry, cracked pavement. Izzy slowed to a halt, spinning around to face me with a smirk on her face. Her makeup seemed to still be perfect, but her face was bright scarlet. It had always been a source of great annoyance to me that my sister was physically fitter than me. While I had worked hard all throughout my late teenage years, she worked harder. It wasn't as obvious on her as it was on me though, she was still slender and her arms and legs were narrow and willowy, while my shoulders were broad and my muscled prominent.

There was a bench a few metres away from her, and she staggered over to it and collapsed, laughing slightly at how exhausted she was. "I've missed our runs, big brother." She smirked and I dragged myself over to her and fell bonelessly onto the bench beside her, pushing hair out of my eyes and taking deep breaths. The wood was burning hot, and I flinched slightly when it came into contact with my skin.

"Because you always win," I complained, rolling my eyes.

"Because you're the only decent competition I have," She corrected, and tilted her head back. The breeze brushed across our faces and I sighed at the satisfying feeling of cool air on my burning skin.

We sat in contented silence for a few minutes, both of us breathing heavily. Eventually I spoke. "What time is mum picking you guys up?"

Izzy checked her watch. "A few hours," She paused, sighing, and the smile on her face grew slightly bitter. "I don't want to go back there. Mum and dad are fighting more and more now. Max hates his new school, but they point blank refuse to send him to our school." She sighed. "Or any boarding school for that matter."

I chuckled humourlessly. "I can guess why. They've already fucked up with two of their children, and they want to keep the last chance they have of a decent child close to them so they can keep an eye on him."

"You're not fucked up," Izzy insisted, although she made no effort to contradict the remark of herself being fucked up.

I raised my eyebrows at her. "When I told them I was gay, Robert tried to send me to therapy and Maryse asked what they had done wrong when raising me. I ruined their perfect reputation as the model middle-class family. In their opinion, I'm all kinds of fucked up. They think that they can send me a cheque every month and that will keep me out of their life."

"But, Alec, only their opinion. I don't need to tell you I don't give a damn, and I'm pretty sure Max knows, and he still loves you. You are loved, no matter what our shitty parents think. Look at what you've done here. Six months ago you didn't have any of this, and now look at you. You've got an amazing boyfriend who loves you, and you're so fucking crazy about him it makes me gag. And, you've managed to make your way into his friendship group. From what you were telling me, all of Magnus's friends sound pretty awesome, and they obviously like you. Leave our parents out of the equation, and life is pretty much perfect for you."

"I know." I sighed, tapping my fingers against the bench. I stared down at the patterns of the wooden bench, and traced my finger around a knot in the wood as I tried to wrap my head around Izzy's words. They were all true, I couldn't deny any of it, except maybe the part about Izzy gagging at my feelings. She fangirled way too much to be disgusted by it.

I had never stopped to think about how much Magnus had impacted my life, other than just making it generally happier and more interesting. I was more confident, I knew that, and he made coming home much better, even if he wasn't there. The place just felt like him, whether it was through his scent on my pillows, or his toothbrush next to mine, or the light dusting of glitter on every damn surface in the bathroom that just refused to wash away. Everything was a reminder of him, and it gave me a sense of comfort and home whenever I walked through the door.

"Although, with all this talk of how fucked up our parents are, I actually think mum might be coming around," Izzy said suddenly and my head snapped up to look at her in surprise, before returning to glare down at the bench.

"Only took her four years," I said bitterly.

"Seriously, though. I really think she wants to repair your relationship. She seems to genuinely regret the way she treated you."

"Did she actually say anything?"

"Well… No. But it's in the little things, you know? When she decided that me and Max were going to have to stay with someone while she and dad were away, she decided on you without even trying the neighbours. And she insisted on driving us, even though she knew that you live like two minutes away from a train station, like she wanted to see you. She doesn't shy away from questions about you anymore either, she actually talks about you, almost normally." She rubbed her forehead and sighed. "It would just be nice if we all got along…you know?"

I wasn't really interested in rebuilding fragile bridges that had long been destroyed, but Izzy wanted me to, and I knew she was only doing it because she loved me. "Fine, I'll try. Happy?"

"Very," She said, and rolled her eyes, her voice tinged with sarcasm, but with underlays of hopefulness.

Suddenly, in the distance, I heard a laugh. An all too familiar laugh that sent a warm feeling all throughout my body and made me smile slightly. My head snapped up, and I saw Magnus walking across the grass, cheering and high-fiving Will. He was wearing a pair of cut off denim shorts that hung low on his hips, and nothing else, his long hair brushed back haphazardly with his hand and his bare chest coated in a light sheen of sweat, shining in the sunlight. Jace swore loudly and Cami and Clary had groaned; Ragnor clapped from the side-lines and shouted both congratulations to Magnus's team, and encouragement to Clary's. They were obviously playing football, but it was difficult to keep my eyes on anything other than Magnus, who was sticking his tongue out and laughing at Jace childishly every time he managed to get the ball off of him.

After a few minutes Clary managed to score a goal, and I tore my eyes away from Magnus to see her cheer loudly. She high fived Cami and ran into Jace's arms, jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist. He pushed her sunglasses up onto her hair, and kissed her nose quickly, then her lips. I saw Cami wrinkle her nose in disgust, although she was obviously subduing a smile.

Magnus wolf whistled, and shouted something at Clary and Jace, but I was too far away to catch it. Jace broke off the kiss to glare at Magnus, and then he and Clary slipped behind a tree to commit whatever unspeakable acts they liked in the privacy of the shade.

Cami looked a little disgruntled to have been abandoned by both of her teammates, but smiled gracefully and went to sit next to Ragnor, punching his arm lightly and sticking her tongue out at something he had said. I was glad to see that particular relationship had managed to survive. Of course my attention was brought back to Magnus again, especially when he flicked his damp hair out of his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck.

I became aware that someone was saying my name, and shaking my arm. "Alec? Alec! Earth to Alec!"

I turned to the disruption and blinked. "Sorry."

"Stop drooling over Magnus, and go and actually talk to him." She said 'talk' like it was the dirtiest word in the world, and I blushed. She ignored me and continued. "I'm going to go and introduce myself to that friend of Magnus's with the designer top on."

I was suddenly getting mental images of me and Magnus kissing, and Izzy taking photos of us and I hastily declined. I could always not kiss Magnus, but with the way we were both hot and sweaty, I was fairly sure that the chances of that happening were slim to none. "Don't worry. I'll see him tomorrow."

"I don't care. You're both hot and sweaty," Izzy said, echoing my earlier thought. "And probably horny after being … interrupted the other day." My red face turned an even deeper shade of crimson. Izzy stood up and yanked me up with her. "Go. And. Talk. To. Him."

Before I could have a chance to reply, Magnus looked up, and his eyes locked with mine, his lips quirking up into a small smile. Well, he's seen me, no point avoiding him now, I thought and began to walk over to him, Izzy giving me a shove in his direction as I went. Clary and Jace had still not reappeared, and Izzy bounded over to the picnic table which Ragnor, Will and Cami all sat at, immediately starting a conversation with Cami, gesturing energetically.

He pulled me into the shade of another, Clary and Jace free tree when I got over to him. "Hi," I murmured, exercising a lot of self-control to stop myself from actually drooling.

"Hello, Alec," He replied, his eyes smouldering, and I sighed as our lips met briefly.

"God, I've missed you." I said in between kisses, his thumb caressing my cheek.

"It's only been a few days," He laughed, but kissed me again. And again. And again.

"I still miss you." I insisted when he pulled away briefly, and I leaned in again.

"Me too," He whispered in my ear, and my breath caught in my throat. I smiled as I felt his hands nudging me backwards, pressing my spine against the tree. "When do Max and Izzy leave?" He asked needily.

"This afternoon," I said breathlessly.

He groaned. "So long," He whined. "I'll see you then." He said and I frowned at him in disappointment as he pulled away.

I bit my lip, but leaned back in to whisper in what I hoped was a seductive voice. "You'd better be at mine the second they're gone." I was expecting Magnus to chuckle at my butchered attempt at seduction, but instead he stiffened and closed his eyes, sighing and kissing me again.

With one last nip to my lower lip, Magnus pulled away again and stepped back. He kept my hand in his, tugging me away from the tree and back towards the group. "But for now, I think you should go and rescue your sister, Ragnor seems to be getting a little too friendly with her, and I seem to remember a boyfriend. Sheldon, was it?"

I looked and laughed. Ragnor had Izzy trapped between his body and the edge of the table, and he was evidently trying to flirt with her. He seemed to have unfortunately bitten off more than he could chew, because he looked more than a little intimidated by Izzy's haughty expression.

"Unbelievable," Magnus laughed. "Ragnor wasn't playing football because he has a date tonight, yet he's still coming onto your sister."

Just as I was about to pull Izzy away, a girl called her name. She had long, white-blond hair that cascaded down her shoulders in ringlets, and slightly elfin features.

"Helen!" Izzy squealed. She darted away from Ragnor so fast that, by the time he had looked back at her, she was already gone.

They began to talk so fast, I could barely hear a word they were saying. I vaguely caught the word shower, but that was basically it. Ragnor stood stupefied and a little disgruntled, so turned to talk to Will and Cami, who just laughed at him.

"Hey, Alec, I'm going to go back to Helen's," Izzy called to me. "I'll be back at like two." She checked her phone for the time. "Ish."

"Uh, okay. See you later, I guess." I replied, slightly caught off guard by her abrupt decision and Izzy blew me a kiss and waved from over her shoulder as she and Helen turned the corner.

"Wow," Ragnor said, breaking the silence that came with Izzy's departure. "Please say she's single."

"Unfortunately, no." Ragnor's face fell, and I decided to have some fun. "And he's huge. Like, really scary." I pictured scrawny Simon waving his arms around enthusiastically, and had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. "Very Jace-like." Magnus's eyes were sparkling and he was covering his mouth with his hand, a similar image obviously occupying his mind.

Ragnor's face fell, and he slumped against the table.

I looked at Magnus who was quietly sniggering at Ragnor. "I should probably go back. Max is home alone and I don't really trust him not to burn down my flat." I kissed Magnus quickly, a chaste press of lips on lips, and then he pulled away to whisper in my ear, disguising it as a kiss on the cheek.

"See you later," He murmured and bit his lip suggestively as he stepped away from me. I tried my hardest to prevent myself from blushing in anticipation, but I saw Cami fake vomit at Will as she noticed the effect Magnus's words had on me. I was at least thankful that I was wearing loose running shorts, so they couldn't see the full extent of what his words had done.

Before I could say anything that would embarrass myself any further, I turned and walked away from the group. I had my back to Magnus, and I knew exactly where his eyes were trained, even without looking to check. I swayed my hips slightly for his benefit, and chuckled to myself as I broke into a run, jogging back to my flat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Eurgh I do not like that ending. Yuck. Apparently its cute, but still. Ugh. I swear this story is going to be better once I get past the filler chapters, these are all kind of relevant to the plot, but I actually just want to write stuff that happens in like chapter 25 because that's the exciting stuff. You get me?
> 
> Actually, reading this back before I post it, this chapter is kind of good. Never mind. I basically never like chapters when I write them.
> 
> Also, I am sick. I am fucking dying (Not actually, dw) from sleep deprivation, exam stress and also other stress with stuff. Just…Ugh. Being Ill is horrible.
> 
> In three weeks everything will be over, and I will have fuck all to do with my time other than write, and plan chapter 50 or whatever the fuck I get around to by the time this story is finished. (Chapter 50 is actually looking really likely. I have a weird as shit chapter plan at the moment, I'm on like chapter 30ish and the massive conflict in the middle hasn't even started yet). I am predicting 50-60 chapters, but sometime in the middle there are going to be about 5 Wednesday chapters that come out at the same time as the main story, and I have no idea whether I will pick them back up.
> 
> (I'm pretty sure as I write this that this chapter will actually come out in three weeks, so to my future self who is posting this chapter right now/in three weeks/three years ago depending on when you read this, yass girl you did it!)
> 
> Thank you, me!
> 
> Also, the football that I am talking about up there is the British form of football because idk how American football works, but I'm pretty sure we call it rugby here? Idk I am NOT (Bold, italics and underlined) a sporty person.
> 
> And I literally had to think up a chapter title last minute, so sorry it's so shit!
> 
> \-----
> 
> Sorry if you're not interested in sad stuff, but I just want to take a moment to talk about the events of this weekend. I'm adding this bit onto the end which is why it seems so out of place.
> 
> But seriously? Two fucking events over three days, both of which include the use of FUCKING GUNS. 'Guns don't kill people, people do.' Bullshit. How does having the right to own a gun make you feel any safer? Yes, people kill people, but if those people didn't have guns, then surely it would be a damn lot harder to actually kill people and cause harm? I'm going to quote Troye Sivan here:
> 
> 'There was 1 mass shooting in Australia in 96. Laws were put in place & guns were bought back by the government. How many mass shootings since then? 0.'
> 
> If that doesn't tell you something, I don't know what will.
> 
> Christina Grimmie was an incredible person, with an amazing voice and a beautiful personality, and she will be massively missed. The same goes for all of those people who were the victims of blatant homophobia, so rest in peace, Christina Grimmie, the 20 people who were killed in the hate crime in Orlando, and all those who have suffered from these acts of hate. Think of all the family members and friends of victims, and hope to hell that the world becomes a better place sometime in the future.
> 
> If you want to find out more about this then you can search the hashtags #PrayForOrlando, #RIPChristina, or #StopGunViolence on twitter, or check out the BBC news stories.


	15. Perceptiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Ugh my chapter plan for this chapter is really short. I hate it when that happens.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: CASSIE IS QUEEN AND OWNS MAGNUS, ALEC, ISABELLE, MAX, basically everyone in this goddamn fic. Me sad.
> 
> Enjoy!

"Max? You here?" I called as I closed the front door behind me. Loud crashes and shouting were still coming from the TV, which I counted as promising that Max had not broken anything or at least the TV. "Hello?" I called again when there was no answer.

I walked through the hallway and found Max asleep on the sofa. His hair was spread across his face, and his arm lolled lazily off the side of the sofa. His face was completely relaxed, and he looked like he was a small child again.

Suddenly he stirred, and yawned. "Izzy?" he mumbled sleepily. "Is that you?"

"It's me, Alec," I said softly. "Hey, Maxy." I sat down on the sofa next to him, his eyes still closed. "Do you want some lunch?"

Max's eyes immediately popped open and he jumped off the sofa, immediately excited at the prospect of food.

"What do you want?" I asked. "Pizza?"

"Pizza!" He repeated excitedly. "Can we go to that place around the corner that makes the toppings into a smiley face?"

"Sure. Just let me have a shower, and then we can go."

Half an hour later, we were halfway to the Pizza place and Max was zipping up down the road like a four-year-old who'd been given too much sugar. It was a beautiful day, if a little windy, and despite the stress of my approaching finals, I felt contented and happy, more than I ever had in the last few years.

"Hey, Max, come here," I called, and retrieved my phone from the pocket of my jacket. "Let's take a picture." I wasn't the sentimental type, but I still liked to remember certain moments, and Max's ear to ear grin and ruffled hair was one of those.

He darted back down the road to me, and I crouched down next to him, so that he was a whole foot taller than me. The lock screen appeared: my favourite picture of Magnus where he was sticking his tongue out at the camera as, from behind the lens, I tucked his hair behind his ear. Max obviously saw it, but luckily he didn't actually realise what was happening in the photo; my face wasn't actually in it and I doubt that Max could remember Magnus from before.

I was about to take the picture when Max suddenly tried to grab the phone from me. "I want to take it," He said bossily.

"Okay," I said, stifling my laughter and handing him my phone. He took the photo, and showed it to me proudly. Max was grinning like a madman, and I was looking at him fondly as I tried not to laugh. It was a cute picture, so I set it as my home screen. It didn't make the lock screen, though; it wasn't cute enough to displace the picture of Magnus.

"Come on Alec!" He whined as he tugged on my shirt sleeve. "We have to go get pizza."

After about 15 minutes of walking and trying to make sure that Max didn't get knocked down by a car as he strolled about with his carefree attitude, he paused and asked, "Who's that guy who was at your house when we arrived? Just 'cause he was on your phone."

"Him?" I asked, frantically trying to come up with an excuse. I had thought that Max hadn't noticed that. "He's just a, uh… good friend of mine."

"Is he your boyfriend?" Max asked innocently, and I nearly dropped my phone.

I stared at him, astounded. There was no point trying to lie. I was a terrible liar, and he knew me too well. I sighed. "Well, uh, yeah. But how could you tell?"

"You had your watch on in that picture of him on your phone, it was obviously you," He said matter-of-factly.

"I didn't realise you knew I was…" I stammered.

"Gay? I heard mummy and daddy talking about it ages ago." How had Max grown up this fast? It seemed like only yesterday that he could barely walk and was coming home and complaining about how his school had forced him to go swimming without his armbands.

"Oh, right." I was still a little lost for words. "Well, I mean… do you like him?"

"He's very sparkly," Max said, his forehead creasing in thought.

"He is very sparkly," I agreed, trying not to laugh.

He paused for a moment, struggling to translate his thoughts into speech. "Do you guys have… you know…" He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. "S-E-X." For a second I was too surprised to be embarrassed, but after a few moments my cheeks turned to a tomato red.

"No! I mean, yes, but, no! What?" I blustered. "How do you know about that?" I asked, blushing furiously.

"Sex Ed," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Right…" I said, actually visibly wincing at the embarrassment. "Okay, well. Let's not talk about this, conversation over, okay?" He nodded. "Let's go get pizza."

"Pizza!" Max said excitedly, and I stared in astonishment as he darted back down the street, completely forgetting about the conversation we had just had. Just like that, mature and adult Max was replaced by giddy, adorable Max.

\-------

"I'm still confused how you managed to run up those stairs after an entire pizza and a half," I said as I unlocked my door. I had let Max finish off my pizza when his had vanished in less than five minutes, and he had still begged me to buy him an ice cream. I probably should have said no to him on that one, but it was difficult to resist his pleading smile.

Max said nothing in reply, just stuck his tongue out at me and giggled.

"What time is Mar- Mum picking you and Izzy up?" I had nearly called her 'Maryse', and I really didn't feel like explaining our estrangement to Max, who would surely pick up on it. It felt weird to call her 'mum'.

"3 o'clock, I think." Max charged into the flat and sat cross-legged on the sofa, bouncing up and down as I collapsed next to him.

Suddenly there was a crash from the front door, and Izzy stumbled in, flawlessly dressed as usual, but looking far more undignified than she probably intended. "Ow," She muttered to herself. "Goddamn doormat."

I eyed her massive heels. "I think the doormat is being unjustly accused here," I joked.

She followed my line of sight and scoffed. "These? These are tiny."

"Those shoes are many things, but they are definitely not tiny."

She grinned slyly. "Well, you know my motto. Never less than seven inches." I sighed and buried my face in my hands.

"Mum would throw a fit if she knew you were making sex jokes in front of Max." Not that there was apparently anything new for him to find out, after our conversation.

"I'm still here, you know," Max said helpfully.

I laughed and stood up. "Okay. Change of subject." I was having to change the subject more often than I would like to today. "Have you had lunch, Izz?"

"Yep, you guys?"

"Pizza place around the corner."

"They didn't make my toppings into a smiley face," Max said mournfully. "The guy who normally does it wasn't there."

Izzy pretended to look horrified. "Oh! How awful!"

"I know!" Max said rolling his eyes, apparently not picking up on Izzy's sarcasm.

They looked at each other for a second, before both bursting into laughter. I realised Max had been completely aware of the sarcasm in Izzy's voice. I had to stop underestimating him, he was a lot more perceptive than I gave him credit for.

"Anyway," Izzy said when she stopped laughing. "You should've got me to make you guys something for lunch."

"No we shouldn't," said Max and me at exactly the same time, and Izzy scowled.

"Come on," I said hastily. "Help me clear away our breakfast."

Izzy plugged her phone into my radio, and Taylor Swift echoed around my flat as we tidied the kitchen. I rolled my eyes at Izzy's cheesy song choice, but it was a catchy tune and I soon got into it.

So don't you worry your pretty little mind,

People throw rocks at things that shine

And they can't take what ours.

The stakes are high, the water's rough

But this love is ours.

Suddenly the music cut off, and a crash echoed around the room, and both me and Izzy spun around like lightening to see Max looking sheepishly down at a shattered glass, biting his lip nervously like he expected one of us to start shouting at him. He had tripped over the radio's cable.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Don't worry, Maxy, it doesn't matter. You alright?"

"Fine," Max said, a little breathlessly. "My head hurts a bit though. Can I have some of that stuff mummy gives me when my head hurts? Paraysitamol or whatever."

"Paracetamol? Sure." I walked over to the cupboard where I kept medicines, and retrieved a little tablet, using a knife to cut it in half. "You're probably just dehydrated, after all, you were running around a lot today and it was very hot. Why don't you go lie down and read or something?"

"Thanks, Alec," He said, and I watched him fondly as he took the pill and went to lie down. He looked exhausted, and I didn't blame him.

"If I find out you're only pretending to get out of the clearing up…" I jokingly trailed off threateningly, laughing as Max stuck his tongue out and crawled onto the bed. I then went to the cupboard to get a dustpan and brush.

"Is that everything?" I asked, watching as Izzy sat on the suitcase in frustration as she strained with the zip, trying to cram all of her clothes inside. Apparently, in typical Isabelle Lightwood fashion, her meeting with Helen had also involved a shopping trip, and it seemed that the contents of the bag had significantly increased.

She ceased her efforts for a moment and swept a cursory glance around the room, then shrugged nonchalantly. "Probably."

She was now thumping her fists on top of the suitcase in irritation, luckily too busy glaring at the blue and white stripes to see my smirk. "Do you want some help with that?" I asked, looking at the way the lid was almost bursting open.

She sighed, and dragged her fingers through her hair laboriously. "Ugh. Yes, please."

I pressed the lid of the suitcase down, and after much puffing and straining, Izzy managed to get the zipper all the way around. She may have been fitter, but I was definitely stronger, I thought with some satisfaction. "You could always have not brought so much stuff…" I suggested teasingly.

She glared at me in response, sticking her finger up at me as she fell onto the sofa.

"Alec! Izzy!" Max suddenly came pelting into the room and tugged on my shirt. "I can't find my toy soldier!"

Izzy swore angrily, but silently so that Max wouldn't hear her. Then she stood up and plastered a fake smile on her face. "Don't worry, Maxy. We'll find it." She was obviously exhausted, and just wanted to go home and, like, cuddle with Simon or something. It was sweet that even when she was at the end of her tether she would pretend to be fine for Max.

The doorbell rang, and all eyes turned to the door, before looking at me for instruction. "Uh," I panicked under the pressure. "Okay, you guys look for the soldier, I'll get the door," I said and went to greet my mother. As I walked to the door, I sent a quick text to Magnus:

my mum's here, be here in like 20 mins

To which he promptly replied.

Already on my way ;)

I smiled as I pocketed my phone. When I opened the door, Maryse looked at me in surprise, almost as though she hadn't been expecting me to be the one to answer; I had no idea why, it was my flat. Maybe she thought that I was still so angry with her that I would make Izzy open the door for me or something. I thought I had been perfectly cordial to her the other day. "Hello, Alexander."

"Hi, mum." I studied her face, remembering what Izzy had said about her wanting to make amends. She was smiling at me. Anyone else would have probably pegged her smile as cold at first glance, but there was a hopefulness in her eyes that gave her away. Huh. Maybe she really did want to salvage our relationship. "Come in," I said hastily, realising I had just been standing there awkwardly, and I stood back to allow her to enter. "Izzy and Max are just looking for a couple of things." I said.

She walked in and sat down on the sofa. After a long, pregnant pause she spoke. "So… how are things?" She asked.

I pulled up a chair to sit opposite her. "Good." I tapped my knee nervously. "School's going well, my exams are in about a month."

"Good." My mother said, and we shared a tentative smile. "You've made some friends, I see." She was obviously referring to her sudden meeting with Magnus the other day, although she didn't quite know the extent of that relationship.

"Yeah." I thought of all the friends I'd made in the last few months, and smiled to myself. "Everyone's been great."

She tapped her nails on the armrest of the sofa. "How was having Max and Izzy to stay?"

"Yeah, it was..." I thought of the chaos of the weekend. Of Izzy's excitement the first day, Max's apparent maturity and knowledge, and Magnus's just general absence. "... fun."

"I hope they weren't too much trouble." That was weird, I had thought that she was happy to just shove my siblings onto me and then bugger off to New York, or wherever she had gone.

"No, they were fine. Max was feeling a bit down after lunch today, but he's fine now."

"Good, good." She said distractedly.

Another painful silence ensued, and I looked desperately at the door where Izzy and Max had vanished. Izzy had obviously been right about her wanting to make an effort, but it was just so damn hard to keep up a conversation with her. Especially when certain scenes from my teenage years persistently travelled to the forefront of her eyes. I had to try though, for Izzy.

"So," I said, breaking the awkwardness. "How was your business trip?"

"Fine, it was just a conference in Paris," Said Maryse.

"Did you do anything interesting?" I asked. "Like, apart from meetings."

"Well… I was shown around this charming little church by this boy and his aunt. He looked like he was about the same age as you."

"Cool."

Max and Izzy cut into our conversation by traipsing back into the room. Izzy looked flustered, and Max looked disappointed. "You didn't find it?" I asked, and grimaced sympathetically at Max when he shook his head. "Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find it at some point." Izzy gave me a disbelieving look, and my mother creased her eyebrows. I had no idea why though. (Mini A/N: Read over it until you get it…)

Max, however, just looked reassured, and smiled. "Thanks, Alec."

"We should probably get going," My mum said, and took the suitcase handle from Izzy. "We're having supper with Simon tonight."

Izzy turned to her with a look of surprise and vague horror at the idea. "We're what?"

"Well, we thought it was appropriate to get to know him."

I remember what Izzy had told me about them being caught in a compromising position, and felt a tinge of sympathy for Izzy. That didn't stop me from smirking at her.

"Do we have to?" Izzy whined.

I suddenly felt a pang of jealousy for Izzy. I wished I could introduce Magnus to my parents like Izzy could. It was ridiculous that I knew that they would be more accepting of Simon than Magnus, even after catching him with my sister, simply because he was the 'wrong' gender. Society is fucked up, I thought.

"Let's talk about this in the car," My mother said to Izzy, pulling me out of my reverie.

My mother kissed my cheek and patted me on the shoulder. "See you soon, Alexander."

I hugged Max and ruffled his hair affectionately. "See you soon, Maxy. Love you."

"Love you too, Alec."

I smiled at him and then turned to Izzy. "See you soon, yeah?"

"Totally," Izzy said enthusiastically. "I'll text you." I gave her a brief hug, and kissed her hair, before waving them all out the door.

As they walked down the stairs I heard Magnus's voice echoing through the stairwell. "Hi." I could hear the smile in his voice, and imagined him making eye contact with Izzy and grinning like a Cheshire Cat. I could also imagine Izzy smirking knowingly back, completely aware of why he was there. Max too, I thought, now that he knew.

I didn't even close the door behind my family, just waited by it for Magnus to reach the top of the stairs, closing the door behind him and pulling him in for a long kiss the second I saw him.

"I missed you," He said when we broke apart.

"You saw me this morning," I joked, ignoring my brain telling me I felt exactly the same way.

"I love you," He said.

"I love you too." I smiled as I said the words, and kissed him again, pulling him towards the bedroom, discarding clothes as we moved and sighing in satisfaction as our need for each other was met, especially after three days of separation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I wasn't sure if this came across, but the reason Maryse seems to be way more friendly in this chapter is basically because of Alec. In the first chapter we see her (C13 or 14 or smt) Alec is still kinda bitter, so kind of twists everything in his head to make her seem like a horrible emotionless bitch, but now he's just realising that in fact, even if she has made some pretty shitty mistakes, she's not really that bad. It's basically all about Alec's perception of her! Same goes for Sizzy, I love Sizzy, but unfortunately I have to show them through Alec's eyes, and he is too wary of his sister's boyfriends to appreciate how DAMN CUTE Sizzy is – Alec is slightly slut shamey, which is not okay, but he doesn't really understand why anyone would be promiscuous at all, what with him being an awkward virgin(Well… not anymore;)), and he's watched his sister's heartbreak too many times to really agree with the whole 'flings' or 'meaningless sex' thing.


	16. Exhaustion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really short, sorry! But chapter 17 was around 2-3 normal chapter’s length, so I can justify it. It’s kind of half a MASSIVE plot chapter, but also then half just a fluff chapter.  
> Just gonna point this out because I don’t think anybody will have thought about yet. Everyone in this story speaks with British accents, because I live in London, and screw trying to write about anywhere else’s education system or another country. So when any of the characters (Apart from Magnus, he has a slight American/Spanish/Indonesian accent) speak, it’s all very British. Just putting that out there ;) (I’m British, and I think British accents are cute too, so…)  
> Completely unrelated, but I’ve heard a couple of PVRIS’s songs, and I love them. I want to get into her (Is it her or their? I know it’s technically a band but is it like Ruelle, where her real name is Lynnette but her stage name PVRIS?) music, but I don’t know where to start! So if any of you listen to her/their music can you send me your favourite songs, either in a PM, or a review. Thanks :)  
> Also please don’t hate me.  
> I’ve just realised that asking for music advice in this chapter, of all chapters, is a really bad idea. Never mind. If anyone (else) is an emotionless being who isn’t traumatised by this chapter, then feel free to recommend some PVRIS songs :)  
> Enjoy!

Luckily, Magnus and I were able to get new phones and we were reconnected to the outside world again. Unfortunately, Izzy lived all the way up in Edinburgh and I didn’t know her number off by heart (Who knows anyone’s number off by heart nowadays? I knew Magnus’s number off by heart from countless occasions of borrowing other people’s phones to call or text him when my phone was dead, but that was it.) I hadn’t made contact with her since the triple date. I was missing Izzy’s insane presence in my life.  
She mentioned she was going home to see our parents for half-term, (Without Simon, to both his and Izzy’s relief) which was about a week ago. Magnus and I were both too busy to go to London and see her. I hoped she would find the time to come and see us, but no luck.  
I was busy too; the final year of my course was getting increasingly more intense even though I was only halfway through the first term. Final exams and graduation were nearly seven months away but seven months didn’t feel like such a long time any more. I was working so hard to keep up that I was exhausted by the time I got home every night.  
I blearily stumbled into the apartment, where Magnus was already home from work. He was waiting for me on the sofa reading my copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Mini A/N: The best one. Don’t fight me on this).   
I was horrified to hear that Magnus had never read Harry Potter. He’d only seen the first half an hour of the third movie, so when Magnus had moved in I had made him read the first one. Magnus had proceeded to get completely hooked, to the point where whenever he saw me after a few hours apart, he would talk endlessly about them. It took me a while to convince him that Harry and Draco were not actually in love despite him giving really quite a convincing argument.  
Upon seeing him, I made a beeline for him and collapsed on the sofa next to him. My legs were over the armrest and my head in his lap as I closed my eyes and breathed in.  
I felt Magnus’s legs vibrate under my head as he chuckled. I opened my eyes to see him staring down at me with a bemused expression on his face.  
“So,” he said conversationally. “How’s your final year going?”  
Obviously, he knew the answer, what with him living with me now but he knew it would irritate me. I reached up and tried to put my finger over his lips to shush him but I was so tired I missed his mouth. My finger only brushed the edge of his jaw before falling back down to my side. I yawned and snuggled closer to him.   
“Shut up,” I murmured, grinning  
“I have yet to see you drunk, Alec, but I can imagine that it would be something similar to this,” he said, amused. “And can I just say, I am very much looking forward to seeing you intoxicated.”   
Since my previous attempt to quiet him had failed, I just groaned and said “Shhh.”  
Magnus chuckled lightly then said, “Okay, love. Go to sleep.” My eyes were already closed but I heard the rustling of paper as he picked up his book again. I smiled happily when he rested his hand absently in my hair. I quickly fell asleep to the soft sound of turning pages, the only noise apart from the slight sounds made by the rising and falling of our chests as we breathed.  
\-------  
When I woke up it was still light although the sun was beginning to dip. My head was still in Magnus’s lap but he had fallen asleep with his head lolling against the back of the sofa, exposing his long, graceful neck. My hand was stretched out above me, my head resting in the crook of my elbow. Magnus’s hand was resting lightly on top of mine. His fingers were curled loosely around my index finger.  
The time was flashing on the side of our oven and I craned my neck to look at it without disturbing Magnus. It was only four in the afternoon.Despite my nap my eyes were still heavy with tiredness. Magnus’s phone buzzed, and I considered getting up to check it for him, but rejected that idea as soon as it occurred to me. I was too warm and comfortable to be bothered and it probably wasn’t important anyway. It didn’t take long for me to fall back asleep.  
\-------  
When I next woke it was Magnus detaching himself from underneath me to answer his phone. I smiled lightly but didn’t open my eyes, or even shift position at all. I heard Magnus’s footsteps as he moved across the room. I probably should have moved but I was too comfortable. I was also fairly sure that as soon as Magnus was done on the phone he would come back to the sofa.  
Magnus answered the phone and I heard one side of the conversation.  
“Yeah, that’s me… wait, wait, hon, slow down… yeah, he’s here, but he’s asleep… I can wake him up if you want?”  
By this point I had sat up in interest and was watching Magnus speak, his back to me.  
“Uh huh,” Magnus said. I stood up to take the phone.  
Magnus turned to face me and looked vaguely surprised to see me alert but he gave me a quick smile before turning back to the phone.  
“Alec just woke up. You want me to pass you over?”  
At the caller’s confirmation Magnus took the phone away from his ear and passed it to me, whispering “Izzy’s panicking, won’t tell me what’s wrong.”  
I took the phone nervously and pressed speaker, so that Magnus would be able to hear as well.  
“Izzy? Are you okay?”  
“Oh, thank God Alec.” She sounded relieved but her voice was strained and broken the way it always was after she had been crying. This was different to normal though; it was more like she had been constantly crying for a while. “I couldn’t get hold of you because your phone wasn’t working, and neither was Magnus’s.”  
“What’s wrong?”  
“You need to get down here as quickly as you can.”  
Even though neither of us knew what was happening or why Izzy wanted us to go somewhere, out of the corner of my eye I could see Magnus busying himself, throwing changes of clothes and spare underwear for both of us into a rucksack. He was glancing in my direction every few seconds, obviously paying attention to our conversation. We made eye contact and he seemed just as agitated and worried as I was.  
“Here?” I asked.  
“London. Mum and dad’s place. It’s… fuck, I don’t know how to tell you.” Her voice cracked with wretched urgency.  
Magnus had finished packing. He clasped my hand and pulled me downstairs, locking the door behind him.  
I was starting to get really scared.   
“Okay Izzy, I need you to take a deep breath and just tell me.”  
She was silent for a few minutes. It took me a moment, but eventually I realised that she was crying, doubtless not for the first time in the last few days.  
Outside, Jace was in his car. He and Magnus exchanged a couple of words. Magnus patted him on the back and muttered his thanks. I realised that Jace was letting us use his car and I shot a grateful look at him.   
Magnus must have texted him. I felt a wave of gratitude for the amazing man who would pack clothes with no reason as to why, or call a friend to borrow their car just so we could go to London.  
Izzy still wasn’t saying anything, although I could hear her halting, uneven breaths.  
“Please, Izzy. You need to tell me.” I said desperately.  
She took a shaky breath through her tears.  
Then she spoke, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that chapter where I cried as I wrote the summary… yep that’s chapter 19. I’m not ready to write it.


	17. Inevitability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m seriously excited to write this chapter because it’s a cute and happy chapter that’s been planned for a while :)  
> And I realise that this story has basically become Malec, with SO MUCH IZZY, she is literally in every chapter, so sorry about that! Unfortunately/Fortunately, that is going to carry on for a while, Izzy is a massive part of the plot :)  
> Btw, I am aware that the first 5-600 words of this chapter is just waffle, but still, gotta get you guys up to speed. None of this is in my chapter plan, though, so I am probably contradicting myself like 50 bajillion times.  
> This is gonna be a long chapter, so get comfortable! Get yourself a cup of tea and sit down on your sofa and listen to war of hearts… just me?  
> I’m nearly finished, and DAMN this is a long chapter, possibly the longest chapter in this whole story! It’s at least 5000 words (At least before any editing at all, or betaing or anything like that)  
> DISCLAIMER: Cassie owns all these beautiful characters! (SHE’S ALSO RELEASING A NEW SERIES ALL ABOUT MAGNUS WITH ‘LOTS OF MALEC’ JUST LKSDALKJFJAKDSJF)  
> Enjoy!

Exams came, and passed. Magnus assured me that I would do fine in them, more than fine, he said, but for weeks afterwards I was biting my nails and checking how many days I had left until I could get my results back. Of course, I should have trusted Magnus. I did well, passing with flying colours. I would have been satisfied, had I not had to suffer Magnus’s teasing for ages after the end of them over my unnecessary stress.  
The summer holidays flashed past. The times when Magnus was working seemed to stretch out into infinity, but as soon as he got home, or had a day off it flew by at record speed. I kept myself busy when Magnus wasn’t around though. I met up with Cat a lot, and Magnus’s friends seemed to feel sorry for me so they invited me along to anything they were doing. That, or maybe they actually liked me and wanted me around. Will, Ragnor and Cami were all finished with Uni, and had to work, but Clary and Jace were happy to let me third wheel. Surprisingly, I got on quite well with Jace. He was so different to me, all witty sarcasm and charming smiles, but he was genuinely a great guy.  
I had also introduced Catarina to everyone else, after she had complaining about her annoying singleness. I brought her with me when Magnus and I went out with the whole group, hoping that she would connect with Ragnor, Will or Cami. I didn’t even know if Cami was into girls, or if Will had gotten over his best friend’s girlfriend yet (Had Magnus said it was Tessa? I couldn’t quite remember), but it was worth a try.  
Magnus’s work had temporarily ended towards the close of the summer because the coffee shop he worked in was undergoing some repair work and was closed for a couple of weeks. He had panicked and worried about not being able to pay the rent or bills, before I had forced him to let me pay them. The bank account I had been given from my parents was vast, although I tried to touch it as little as possible. The advantage of Magnus not having to work for an entire week was that we could just stay in bed all day, sleeping, eating, watching Netflix together, kissing, cuddling, and of course some… other stuff. Taking comfort from the other’s presence and enjoying their company. The gorgeous weather was wasted on us, although we definitely appreciated what little we could see through the bedroom window.  
Magnus’s birthday had also arrived, which we had celebrated with all of his friends, just a normal dinner, although Cat had joined us. Izzy had also visited, I suspected because Izzy wanted to see Magnus for his birthday and say goodbye to me before she had to go off and start her first year of Uni. Both she and Simon were going to Edinburgh, which was hours’ drive away from me. After dinner, Magnus and I had returned home, where I had given him a *cough* special *cough* present.  
School started for me soon after, and the knowledge that this was my final year put quite a lot more pressure than I was used to having. However, every now and then, there was still time to lay back and relax. Late in October, I decided to show Magnus my favourite scary movie, and I can say with much satisfaction that it was a very enjoyable experience.

Watching Magnus watch a horror film was my new favourite hobby. Every time a door creaked he would flinch a little, and every jump scare was accompanied by Magnus jumping out of his skin and burying his face in my t-shirt. “Can I look yet?” Came his muffled voice from the depths of my t-shirt.  
I grinned down at him. “Yep,” He looked up at the laptop suspiciously, and eyed it like it was a ticking bomb.  
“Are you lying to me?” He asked dubiously.  
At that moment a piercing scream echoed from the laptop and some minor character was ripped in half. “Yes,” I said, my whole body shaking with laughter as Magnus yanked the pillow over his face.  
“It’s not fair!” He protested, his words muted by the pillow. “You’ve already seen this film; you know when all the scary moments are.”  
“Which is why I’m enjoying it so much. You are ridiculously cute when you’re scared.”  
“Hmph,” He said. “I agree wholeheartedly with the cute part, but it has to be somewhere in the rules that you’re not allowed to laugh at your boyfriend when he’s scared.”  
“Probably,” I said, kissing his forehead. “But I’m going to do it anyway.”  
“I hate you,”  
“No, you love me,” I corrected.  
“Yes, I do. Even when you’re mean to me.” He shut the laptop and crawled into my lap, smiling mischievously. “And even more when I can get my revenge on you.”  
I paused to study his face. “What kind of revenge do you mean?” I asked cautiously.  
“We’re going on a date tomorrow night.” I wasn’t exactly sure how this was supposed to get me back for putting him through horror movies, but I wasn’t going to complain. “To celebrate Halloween,” He explained.  
“Okay, so how exactly is it revenge?”  
“Well… There’s a catch.” He smiled sweetly. “It’s a triple date with Izzy, Simon, Clary and Jace.”  
I groaned. “You’re kidding me.”  
“Hey, don’t give me that look,” He protested. “You’ll enjoy it.”  
“Will I?” I asked skeptically.  
“Yes,” He said firmly, and then his eyes sparkled. “I’ll be there.”  
That was a fairly convincing argument. “Okay, you’ve convinced me,” I said, planting a kiss on his lips, to which his enthusiastic response made considerably longer.  
“You want to finish the movie?” Magnus asked as I yawned widely.  
“Nah, let’s just go to sleep.” I pushed the laptop onto my bedside table and Magnus slid back off my lap. I wriggled down in the bed until my head was resting underneath Magnus’s chin.  
Magnus reached over and turned the light off, and we were plunged into pitch black. “Love you,” I heard a soft voice murmur through the darkness, and I tilted my head up to kiss the bottom of his jaw.  
“Love you too,” My voice was bleary with tiredness, but I still shuffled closer to Magnus and smiled into the black when he rested his arm around my bare shoulders. His soft sigh of contentment was the last thing I registered before drifting to sleep.  
The next morning, I woke up before Magnus, as usual, and enjoyed a few minutes of just watching him sleep. I loved the way his mouth turned down at the edges while he slept. It made him look like a petulant child, and it was both adorable as well as more than a little funny.  
“Stop staring, it’s creepy,” Magnus mumbled, not opening his eyes, or doing anything else that would imply consciousness, and I jumped in surprise.  
I smiled, although I knew he couldn’t see it through his closed eyes. “No it isn’t.”  
Magnus didn’t say anything in response, but rolled over in the bed so that he was lying against me and snuggled into my chest.  
I was suddenly struck with an idea, although I was a little hesitant to voice it. “Magnus?” I started tentatively.  
“Mmm?”  
“Well… you know how you basically live here already?”  
“Hmm. My brain is telling me to say yes to whatever you’re asking me to do, but I’m too sleepy to actually understand what you said, and I’m fairly sure that you haven’t even asked the question yet.” He opened his eyes for the first time that morning, and propped himself up on his elbow lazily.  
I bit my lip, unsure how exactly to word it. “Do you want to move in?” I blurted, then cringed inwardly at how blunt that had sounded. It was probably a bad idea to just move in together without thinking about it properly, and it was incredibly out of character for me to do anything that wasn’t planned a good few decades in advance. Spontaneousness just wasn’t something that I did very often, but it was strangely exhilarating.  
Magnus’s eyes snapped properly open, but he spoke immediately and without a trace of doubt. “Yes.”  
“I- What?” I was a little taken aback by his sudden answer, but also quietly pleased. “You don’t think it’s too soon?” I asked hesitantly.  
“Pfft. No,” Magnus said dismissively. “It’s been… what?” He counted the months off on his fingers. “Six and a bit months since we met. Let’s live together.”  
I had only considered it briefly before, and not seriously, and my heart was pounding at the prospect of actually living with Magnus. Of course, we were often at one of our two flats, but there was always a couple of nights a week which we had to spend apart. It was going to be a level of intensity we hadn’t experienced yet, and I was both nervous and excited for it. “Wow…. That was easy.”  
“Mm, yes it was.” Magnus rolled me over so that I was lying on top of him, the bed sheets tangled between us and kissed me. “Wait. As long as I can bring Chairman Meow. Otherwise I’m breaking up with you.”  
“Of course you can.”  
“Well then, “Hello roomie.”  
I laughed, and moved my lips down to Magnus’s neck, nipping at the skin playfully as he laughed and gasped in surprise.  
“Damnit, that’s ticklish,” he complained, and I halted my attack, burying my face in the crook of his neck. “No, don’t stop,” He whined, and our bodies shook as we both laughed.  
I sat back, and went to get dressed. “You know that date we’re going on tonight?” I said, as I pulled a t-shirt on, noticing Magnus’s slightly disappointed look as I did so.  
“Yeah?” Magnus said.  
“Well, it’s only fair that I get something in repayment for agreeing to go on that without any fuss... And, since you are my new roommate, you do have to do the chores every now and then.”  
“What kind of chores?” Magnus asked warily, narrowing his eyes at me.  
“Make me coffee?” I said sweetly, and grinned at him.  
“No! You drink too much caffeine as it is.”  
I pouted and slinked up close to him. “Please?”  
He rolled his eyes as my hands drifted slowly down his sides, getting dangerously close to the front of his pyjama bottoms. He suddenly leant forward and kissed me, before pushing me away, and sliding out of the bed.  
“Fine,” He groaned, and with a quick kiss to the top of my nose, left to make me coffee.  
“Thanks,” I called through the door, and laughed when he stuck his tongue out at me.  
“When I move in, I’m going to coat this entire flat in glitter, literally just to annoy you.”  
I shrugged and smiled to myself. I could think of worse things. Besides, it wasn’t like I didn’t get covered in glitter as it was anyway.  
That evening, we were strolling down the road, hands intertwined and shoulders rubbing against each other, on our way to Magnus’s triple date. It was early evening, the signs of summer beginning to show in the pale golden light that shone across our faces. The sky was streaked with orange and pink, and the dark silhouettes of the trees looked like twisting hands reaching into the sky against the vibrant colours.  
Suddenly Magnus’s phone went off loudly, and he fished it out of his pocket and scowled.  
“Izzy and Simon are running late,” He glared at the phone, as if it was its fault that Izzy was behind schedule  
“How come she texted you instead of me?” I asked suspiciously, but then my phone also vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out to check.  
Sorry! Me and Simon lost track of time :0 We’ll be about 20 minutes late, don’t wait for us.  
Can you tell that other couple that we’ll be late?  
I had a pretty good idea of what had been the cause of Izzy ‘losing track of time’, and wrinkled my nose as I replied.  
Ugh, Izzy!  
To which she replied:  
Shut up  
“You’re actually replacing me in brotherly duties,” I complained, then brightened. “You want to take over?”  
“I bet she’d like that,” Magnus teased, and stumbled, laughing, as I shoved him to the side.  
It took us another 15 minutes to reach the restaurant where we were meeting Jace and Clary.  As we walked in I noticed that the sky which had previously been clear and golden was beginning to be overshadowed by clouds.  
“Hey, Magnus,” Jace said when they saw us and he smiled, standing up. Clary beamed and hugged us both, Magnus even lifted her up, her feet an entire foot away from the shiny wooden floor.  
Magnus and I sat together opposite to Clary and Jace, leaning into each other and linking hands underneath the table, our bodies aligning themselves naturally.  
“So, where’s your sister?” Clary asked, and I noticed that, like us, Jace’s hand was caught in hers underneath the table. “She is still coming right? I want to meet her.”  
“She and her boyfriend got a bit held up. They should be here soon.”  
“Oh, good. I can’t believe I missed the chance to meet them the other week.”  
Jace looked over at her and smirked. “You had a fairly legitimate excuse. No one can blame you for giving in to my charms, very few women have managed it.”  
Clary blushed, and looked at him threateningly. “Shut up, Jace.” But she still smiled as he laughed and kissed her cheek affectionately. Magnus and I shared a small smile, they were honestly really cute. “I’m going to the bathroom,” Clary said, and kissed Jace quickly before sliding out of the cramped booth, his eyes following her fondly across the restaurant.  
“So, what’s your sister like?” Jace asked when he managed to tear his gaze away from her.  
“She’s great.” I said. “She’s called Izzy. She’s kind of intense, because of how enthusiastic she is, but you’ll probably like her. Do you have any siblings?”  
“Nope, only child. My family is way too rich and privileged, it’s kind of disgusting. I want to just tell them to shut up most of the time.” I understood exactly what he meant, the Lightwoods owned more than I could ever comprehend, or even wanted to. “But Clary has a brother.”  
“Does she?” I asked interestedly.  
“Yeah, but he’s kind of a dickhead. He lives with their dad, and Clary lives with her mum and stepdad, so Clary only sees him once every few months, and mostly when he tries to get money off of her or their mum.”  
“Wow. Poor her...I guess that is why she hadn’t mentioned him before.”  
“Yeah,” He said absently. “She’ll talk about him if it comes up, but she doesn’t spend a massive amount of time thinking about him to be honest. So, more about your family.”  
“Well, Izzy…” I considered what to say. “She’s far too pretty for her own good, although she can handle pretty much anything on her own. She probably spends more time being protective of me than I do of her, it’s difficult to be protective of her when she’s so independent-”  
“Well, that’s what I like to hear,” I heard a voice from behind me, and the grin was evident before I even turned around.  
“Hey Izzy,” I said, and stood up to give her a hug. I complained about her incessantly, but I was always happy to see her wild curls and hear the clicking of her heels on the wooden floor, even if they made her nearly the same height as me. I sat back down, sliding up against Magnus to give Izzy room to sit down, although she remained standing.  
“Hey Magnus.” Magnus and Izzy blew kisses to each other, as I was trapping Magnus against the wall.  
“Hi Simon,” I said.  
He held out his hand. “Hey Alec, how are you doing?” I was slightly taken aback by his familiar tone, but then I remembered the dinner he had had with my parents. Anyone would be comfortable around their girlfriend’s brother (Not that I had any experience in that particular area) after that ordeal.  
He was still fairly formal, but his smile was easy and relaxed and I grinned back at him and shook his hand. If he was still around after seven whole months, then he definitely meant something to Izzy. She was grinning like an idiot at our familiar exchange, and staring at Simon with a disgustingly soppy look I had never seen on her face before. God, I hope that I don’t look like that when I look at Magnus…  to be honest, I probably do though.  
“Jace, this is my sister, Izzy, and her boyfriend, Simon,” I said gesturing at the corresponding people.  
Simon was looking at Jace with a slightly odd expression on his face, as if he was trying to remember something. “Have we met before?”  
“Uh, I don’t think so. I am fairly memorable, and I can assure that most people who have met me don’t exactly forget me in a hurry.” Jace smirked at Simon, and Izzy, having never met Jace before, shot him a disapproving look.  
“You definitely look familiar.”  
Izzy spoke over Simon. “Nice to meet you Jace” She smiled sweetly at him. “And if you wouldn’t mind, please stop teasing my boyfriend.”  
Jace looked a little surprised, but had the grace to shoot Simon a jovially apologetic look, but was prevented from making a retort by Clary’s astonished voice coming from behind Izzy and Simon. She had returned from the bathroom.  
“Izzy?” Clary appeared from behind the two. “Simon? What the hell are you doing here?” She stared amazedly at the couple, as she hugged both of them, and Jace, Magnus and I stared at her in bewilderment.  
“We’re on a triple date with Izzy’s brother,” Simon said, looking equally surprised.  
“Alec?” Clary said, and I looked at her in astonishment. “Wait, your brother Alec is the same Alec as my boyfriend’s friend’s boyfriend?”  
“Whose head hurts?” Magnus mumbled, and Jace raised his hand.  
“And you’re Jace?” Simon said, staring down at Jace. “That explains why you look familiar, Clary showed me a couple of pictures.”  
“Oh, that makes sense. I wasn’t naked in them, was I? Babe, you promised you wouldn’t show those pictures to anyone.” Clary spluttered and Simon choked on his indignant retort. Jace grinned. “Just kidding.”  
“Someone please explain what the hell is happening. How the hell does everybody seem to know everybody else?” Magnus asked.  
“It’s simple,” said Izzy. “Jace is dating Clary, whose best friend is Simon, whose dating me, whose brother is Alec, whose dating you, whose friend is Jace.”  
“Simple?” I asked dazedly.  
“Wait, let me try,” Magnus paused to think for a second. “My boyfriend’s sister’s boyfriend is best friends with my friend’s girlfriend?” I didn’t have a clue what he had just said.  
“Yep, you got it.” Izzy said. “I only met Clary a few weeks ago, and she was telling me about her super-hot boyfriend…”  
“Oh God, please don’t boost his ego,” Clary groaned as Jace turned to her and raised his eyebrows, grinning.  
“…but I have to say,” Izzy continued. “Yeah, he’s kind of hot, but he’s not really my type.” She leant over to kiss Simon affectionately, and I wrinkled my nose.  
I saw Jace whisper “Super-hot?” in Clary’s ear, and she elbowed him and blushed bright red, smothering her smile.  
I looked over to Magnus, and he shrugged at me, both of us still slightly confused, but just going with it. “How are mum and dad?” I asked Izzy  
“I actually don’t know, I haven’t been home in a few weeks,” Said Izzy. “I guess I got caught up in Uni.” I could understand that. “Simon and I watched a video on YouTube, and worked out how to use the washing machine, and Simon has learned how to cook. It’s so sweet of him, he always insists on doing the cooking so that I don’t have to worry about it. Isn’t that nice?” I glanced at Simon, who was looking slightly guilty and I stifled a laugh.  
“You want to order yet?” Jace asked, and everyone clamoured their agreement enthusiastically.  
After we had all finished and paid, Magnus and I had waved goodbye and began to walk back home. It was definitely going to rain; I could see the gathering gloomy clouds despite the darkness of night. The air had a slight chill to it, the biting cold of the middle of Autumn nipping at our faces. I shivered, and stuffed my hands into my pockets. Magnus slid his own hand into my pocket to clasp my hand, and we shared a smile.  
When the first drops of rain fell, I groaned, looking up at the sky.  
“It’ll go away soon,” Magnus said, but he sounded unconvinced.  
Within minutes it was tipping it down, the rain so heavy that we could barely see more than a few metres in front of us, and we were running back home. My fingers were numb with cold, and my cheeks were soaked with rainwater, like I had been crying, but despite the discomfort, I was smiling widely.  
When were back home, we slumped against the wall, out of breath and laughing.  
I tried to check my phone for the time, but when I pressed the home button nothing happened. I tried again, and tried to restart the phone, but still nothing happened. When I shook the phone in frustration a few droplets of water flew out of the charging port. “Damn it! Does yours work?”  
Magnus pulled out his own phone, and repeated my actions. “Stupid damn rain,” Magnus said annoyed. “Why does the weather always conspire against us when we’re on a date?”  
I grinned. “You’re thinking about our first date too?” I said, and laughed. “The weather probably has something against us.”  
“It definitely does.”  
“I was so nervous on that date,” I recalled. “It felt like my knees were about to give out.”  
Magnus laughed softly. “Me too, I was just better at hiding my anxiety.”  
I shuffled closer. “Do you remember what we did afterwards?”  
“Of course,” Magnus said, a sly smile spreading across his face.  
“Well, you know, since so far this evening seems to be going the same… it would be a shame to break the pattern.”  
“It would,” He agreed.  
I shuffled even closer and leant in, but just as our lips were about to touch, he tilted his head like he always did when he had realised something, and laughed softly.  
“What’s funny?” I asked.  
Magnus paused for a second, obviously thinking about whatever had made him laugh, and I elbowed him to speed him up. “I just had a thought,” He said. “Because our friends are all somehow friends with each other; it was kind of inevitable that we would meet. Even if I hadn’t been looking around the park to escape looking at Clary and Jace’s PDA and seen you sitting under the tree, something like this would have happened eventually. Even if it didn’t happen for years, we were always going to meet. I was always going to notice you, with your amazing blue eyes and black hair and those cheekbones, and I was always going to go up to you and get you to go on a date with me.” I was enraptured, listening to him talk, watching the way his “Alexander, I was always going to fall in love with you.”  
My breath caught in my throat as I stared at him. I had no idea how to respond. My words refused to leave my mouth. “I love you too,” I managed, my voice trailing off. It sounded so insubstantial after Magnus’s words. There was nothing I could say to convey the overflowing sensation of emotion in my torso, so I just kissed him. I tried to push all of the feelings I felt for him up from my chest and into the kiss.  
“Magnus Bane, I love you so much. More than anything. Thank you so much for being in my life.” The words were awkward and cheesy but they were sincere, and I could tell by the tightening of Magnus’s hand around my own that he understood the depth of what I had said.  


That night we curled up in the bed, and I hooked my finger underneath his chin and kissed him, our lips moving lazily until both of us were too tired to continue, and our kisses had turned into little more than just our lips resting against each other, motionless. “Love you,” I murmured, and smiled as I heard him repeat the sentiment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised that I loved Clary and Simon’s relationship too much to leave it out, but obviously we would only realise that they were friends if they actually met with everybody else! The cute love declaration thingy came later on when I realised exactly what Magnus did, that with the logic I had set out in this story, it was only a matter of time before these two met and fell in love.  
> That chapter turned out a lot longer than I expected it to, It’s around 5100 words, and nearly 12 whole pages of word document! I would love to know what you thought of this chapter! Comments make my day, and I want to hear from you!  
> When I say ‘tipping it down’ I’m sure you worked out that I mean rain, but apparently people don’t say that outside the UK, so sorry if you didn’t get that :)  
> Also FUCKING EU WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY? ARE WE ALL JUST REALLY RACIST OR SOMETHING? WE HAD THE 5TH. BEST. ECONOMY. IN. THE. WORLD! NOW THAT’S GONNA GO ALL TO SHIT. Sorry, rant over.  
> Unfortunately, next chapter is going to be quite a short one, which I am justifying because this one was really long, sorry!


	18. Tarmac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I am scared to write this chapter, I am putting on my sad playlist and sitting in the dark with a box of tissues.
> 
> I'm not going to talk about anything else here because I know all of you want to do is find out what happens next.
> 
> I'm also not going to put an excited 'Enjoy!' because this chapter doesn't really warrant it.

I sat motionlessly, my arms clenched around my knees which were pulled up to my chest. My nails were digging into my calves, but I could barely feel them. My knees were pressed uncomfortably against the dashboard of the front seat. The tension was keeping me together, as though my body would fall apart, like a piece of paper slowly dissolving and pulling apart in water if I were to relax any part of my body.

I was trapped inside my own head, barely able to breathe. The only movement of my body was the rhythm of my laboured breaths. My head was bowed, my face pressed into my knees.

Despite the outward stillness, my mind was spinning, my thoughts disoriented and stumbling around the inside of my head. I could only think about one thing, the one thought filling my head and overpowering everything else. I tried to imagine that the roar of the engine could drown out my thoughts and that the way the noise of the cars swelled and faded within a second as they hurtled past us could replace the constant images that continued to fill my vision to the point where I could barely see.

The journey seemed to stretch out into never-ending road, and I didn't dare to move for a single second of it.

The weather seemed to be mocking me, for despite the pathos of my thoughts a bright sun shone down on the shiny car. It wasn't exactly hot like you would expect at the peak of summer, more like the beginnings of spring where the temperature is tentatively creeping up, but there is still a slight chill in the air. It was still abnormally hot weather for so late in the year.

I caught Magnus glancing my way a few times, but he didn't try to speak to me. I noticed the way his face was strained and taught, and his knuckles were white where he was gripping the wheel.

I barely noticed the sky getting dimmer, the pale sky streaked with red, the colours of approaching dusk. The sun was dipping behind the buildings, slowly being obscured by the towers of glass in the distance. We sped past half bare trees, the ground underneath them carpeted by orange leaves, and empty fields of mud and puddles that were quickly drying in the rare heat.

Everything came into sharp focus when we got properly into the city. The panic had turned into terror, the uncertainty into anxiety, and I couldn't stay still for any longer. I unwrapped my arms from around myself and let my body stretch out as much as it could in the limited space the car provided. I barely noticed the pain from my cramped muscles. I had been right. It did feel as if I was coming apart at the seams, my body tearing itself apart in anguish. My fingers tapped agitatedly on the dashboard, and my knees bounced up and down.

Eventually, we reached our destination, the large, cheerless building rising up in front of us, windows arranged in perfectly uniformed rows and columns with plain curtains obscuring our view inside, like a contingent of soldiers. There was a car park, and Magnus backed Jace's car into an empty spot, the gravelly tarmac crackling under the wheels. He let the car power down and removed his hands from the wheel wincing in slight pain as his knuckles cracked, stiff after being locked in the same position for the last hour.

I felt my body begin to tremble, my hands unable to stay steady. I was terrified by the prospect of what was waiting for me outside the shelter of the car. I had been so desperate to reach our destination that I had not stopped to think about what would happen when we finally arrived. I was screaming at myself to move, to sprint as fast as I could so I wouldn't be too late, but my body was frozen with the terror of what I could find outside.

What if we took too long getting here?

What if we are too late?

Magnus glanced at me once. He gripped my hand and squeezed it, the cool metal of his rings pressing into my palm, hoping to give me some modicum of comfort before I went out. I forced a weak smile at him, said 'I'll be fine' and then left the car. I didn't know who I was saying those words to, though.

I sprinted across the car park, not sure exactly where I should go. Around me, there were raised voices, a wailing child, and the thrum of cars. Life carrying on as normal.

Suddenly, one of the raised voices was louder than the others, louder than everything else that I could hear. It drowned everything out.

"I hate you," Izzy screamed, "How could you?"

I turned towards the sound and found my sister, mother, and father all standing outside a door that said 'Johnson wing', across to the other side of the car park. Their voices carried, though.

"Isabelle," Maryse pleaded. "Please,"

Both women's cheeks were stained with tears, and there was blotchy black makeup running down Izzy's face from her heavy eyeliner.

"Come on," Robert said gruffly. "Get in the car." He clasped Izzy firmly by the upper arm and tried to steer her away.

"Get away from me," Izzy spat, wrenching herself free from his grip. "Don't even touch me, you selfish, horrible bastard."

"Isabelle!" Robert said, his voice cracking. I suddenly realised that he was crying too. It was the first time I had ever seen my father cry.

"Alexander?" Maryse said suddenly. I was still running towards them, but Maryse had turned away from her family upon Izzy's hateful words.

I didn't trust myself to speak, I was certain that no words would come out. "Where is he?" I asked, all in one breath.

"What are you doing here?" Maryse asked. She was deliberately evading the question.

I was overcome with frustration and terror. "Where is he? I have to see him." I asked, my voice breaking and fading to a whisper.

Izzy fell to her knees, but she seemed to not even notice the pain of the hard tarmac hitting her bare skin. She wasn't crying anymore. Her eyes had dried out.

"Where is he?" I said, my voice barely even a whisper.

Izzy looked up at me and tried to speak. She seemed to choke on her words, and her expression was of such heartbreak and sadness that I felt it like a bullet to my heart.

"No," I said as if that would prevent it.

I took an unconscious step backwards as if the gunshot I had felt had actually hit me. My vision was blurring.

The grief of losing someone close to you is impossible to describe. No words can encompass the awful, empty feeling inside of you, as though a part of your soul has been ripped away from you, leaving a void that you know will never be filled.

I suddenly remember that my parents were still there, and turned to them.

"How could you?" I asked hopelessly. "How could you not tell me? He is my brother." I was shouting now, unable to help the rise in volume. "I had a right to see him!"

My parents just watched in horror, left speechless, unable to defend themselves.

"I didn't-" My tears overtook my words, and suddenly I couldn't shout anymore. All I could do was whisper, so quietly it was almost silent. "I didn't get to say goodbye."

I couldn't hold myself together anymore. I realised that the feeling of coming apart at the seams that I had felt in the car was only the beginning. All this time I had been inadvertently keeping myself in one piece, be it a strange, contorted, gruesome piece that had been taken apart and stuck back together too many times to be anything short of grotesque. However, now all of the clumsy patching up of cracks and tears was catching up to me.

My knees gave out and I found myself beside Izzy, my choking sobs racking through my body and shaking it almost painfully. I didn't know what to do, how to feel, what to think. My hands were pulling at the bottom of my t-shirt, my arms needing to feel the effort and strain. It was all I could do to stop myself from pulling on my hair.

Izzy leant against me unable to support herself alone anymore, and I wrapped an arm around her and buried my face in her hair. My tears ran down my face and into her hair, dampening it. She pressed her head against my chest, her delicate little fist punching the ground over and over again until her knuckles were bruised and scraped.

"I will never forgive you," She cried. "Don't you dare even come near me again."

Despite the awful grief, my protectiveness kicked in. I took a deep, choked breath and pulled Izzy up to stand. She collapsed against me, and I was barely able to bear her weight. I was still partly blind from tears, and I began to pull Izzy away from our parents. Maryse detached herself from Robert to take a step towards us. Her expression was one of hopeless desperation.

However, Izzy did not see this expression, she only saw a woman she hated trying to approach her. She recoiled and backed away so violently that she stumbled, falling onto the hard tarmac. She didn't even try to stand up, just let her body sag and lay back onto the ground. Her palms were face up, and I could see the raw red scrapes from where she had fallen on them. Her tears were flowing again, and they made silvery tracks from the corners of her eyes, down the sides of her temples and into her hair.

Suddenly a person was hurrying over to Izzy, arranging her arms around his neck and gently pulling her up to stand. Izzy's arms tightened around Simon's neck like iron bands holding him close to her. Her head was against his chest, and her fists were balling in the white fabric of his t-shirt at the back of his neck, so much so that her knuckles were white and strained.

Magnus was beckoning to Simon, and we led Izzy over to where Magnus was standing next to Jace's car. She and Simon got into the car, Izzy laying down across the backseat with her head in Simon's lap. I saw Magnus, and the sight of his pained, sympathetic expression was almost enough to make me fall against him and weep until his shirt was stained with salt water, but I held myself together and silently climbed into the passenger seat.

"Alec-" Magnus started, but I cut him off.

"Just drive," I said imploringly. "We need to get away from here."

We made eye contact for less than a second, but it was enough, and Magnus nodded sharply and began to reverse the car out of the car park.

As we drove past where we had left my parents, I noticed Robert gesticulating at Maryse, and attempting to put his arm around her. She spun away from his touch and strode away, her corporate stilettos clacking against the hard ground.

I suppose I should have been sad about the breakdown of my family, but at that moment I found that I just… didn't care.


	19. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, everything isn't going to be explained in this chapter. You all probably have a pretty good idea of what is going on, but all the finer details won't be cleared up until chapter 21, so sit tight and everything will become clear.

We drove in silence, everyone scared to make a sound. I could hear Izzy's shaky breathing muffled by Simon's t-shirt in the backseat, despite it being almost completely drowned out by the hum of the engine and the rush of air across the open window.

It was completely night now, the sky darkening to a clear deep blue, though the brightness of the streetlights meant that the sky seemed to be free of stars, just plain, inky, endless sky.

It kept hitting me like a punch to my gut. My brother is dead. My little brother. Max is dead. And I didn't even see him. It was such a monumental thing to process, it was like I had to keep reminding myself, despite the aching pain whenever I did.

It took me a while to gather myself together enough to speak. "Hey, um, Magnus?" My voice was strained and hoarse, and I suddenly noticed how dry my mouth was.

Magnus looked slightly surprised; I guess he hadn't thought I would be in a fit state to form words. "Yeah? You okay?"

I was not 'okay', I knew that much, but the way Magnus said it conveyed the layers of his question. He wasn't just asking that, he was also asking how I was feeling and what he could do to alleviate the pain. It wasn't a question that you could ever answer with anything other than 'fine', no matter the good intentions of the speaker. So I just said "fine," and gave him a small smile. I could tell he didn't miss the pain in my eyes, however. "Where are we going?"

"Jace's," Magnus said, and I raised an eyebrow.

"Jace's?" I said. "Why Jace's?"

"His house is massive and his parents are out of the country for a while, plus it's close to the university."

"Does he know we're coming?"

Magnus nodded. "Simon told Clary who told Jace, and Jace called me while I was waiting for you in the car."

"Nice of him," I murmured absently.

The conversation just seemed to die away, another empty silence ensuing. I stared out the window, watching the landscape blur as it rushed past, gone within seconds of me seeing it.

Jace and Clary were sitting anxiously on the sofa in the living room when we arrived, Magnus letting the four of us in using the door key on the same keychain as Jace's car key. Both of them were dressed in relaxed clothes, thick hoodies, sweatpants and numerous pairs of socks on to protect against the late autumn chill.

Clary leapt to her feet and strode over, giving me and Izzy a hug then offering to take Simon and Izzy to a room.

Jace, in a rare show of affection, hugged me tightly and patted me on the back. "Hey buddy, how're you doing?"

"Shit," I replied quietly.

Jace grimaced understandingly, and I gave that forced, taught smile again. I had a feeling that I was going to be plastering that fake smile all over my face until my cheeks ached.

Jace said some words to Magnus that I didn't pay attention to, happy to let Magnus talk for me in that moment. "Come on, Alec," Magnus said, sliding his hand into mine and squeezing it comfortingly. His long lean fingers were cool. "You need to get some sleep."

"Second door on the left," Jace said, gesturing towards where Clary had just lead Simon and Izzy.

I let Magnus lead me towards the room, where we both slipped our shoes off and slid under the covers, fully clothed.

All I wanted was to distract myself, so that I wouldn't have to think about the events and, along with them, the realisations of today. Every time I closed my eyes images flashed through my mind, moments that I couldn't think about right now.

I propped myself up on my elbow so that I was on my side, looking down at Magnus.

"Thank you," I whispered. "For today, for being here for me."

"You would have done the same for me," Magnus replied, a soft, pained smile on his face. He sat upwards a little to kiss me gently, then pulled away to look at me, tracing his thumb lightly across my cheekbone.

"I love you," I murmured, leaning back into to kiss him slowly.

I deepened the kiss slightly, opening his mouth with mine and sliding my tongue forward. Magnus was definitely responding, but it was hesitant.

When my hand moved to his chest and began to unbutton his shirt he shook his head and pulled away. "Alec, no."

"Why not?" I said, trying to edge closer to him.

"Because you're just doing this to try and forget about him."

"I don't care, I just…"

"No," Magnus said gently. "You'll only regret it in the morning, and I'm not going to let you use me to make yourself feel guilty."

I hadn't thought of it like I was using Magnus, but he was right. It was unfair to him to put such a burden on his shoulders.

I could feel my control crumbling. My eyes were starting to sting and my throat felt tight.

He pulled me back into his warm embrace, and I pressed my face into his chest, letting my tears run freely down my face and into his shirt.

It was only when I felt the dampness in my hair that I realised Magnus was crying too. Whether it was crying to see me in pain, or crying because he could remember what it felt like to lose a sibling, for he had lost his brother too. I hadn't thought about how this must have been affecting Magnus at all, stirring up memories that he almost certainly didn't want to relive.

I hadn't seen it before, but I was being selfish. I was only focussed on my own pain, I had thought about Izzy a bit, but I hadn't even given a thought for my parents, or how they must be feeling. All I could feel was anger at them for hiding this from us for God knows how long. And yet, here I was, with the man I loved more than reason and who loved me back just as much, trying to use him to make myself feel better, not even sparing a thought for how he must be feeling.

I closed my eyes, tears still leaking from the corners, and tried to rest my mind. I focussed on Magnus's scent; the strange combination of his deodorant, sandalwood shampoo and dried salt water from my tears. I breathed deeply, my breaths falling in sync with Magnus's so that the rise and fall of my chest was in time with his.

\------

Someone was patting my arm and saying my name. "Alec?" Magnus said. "Alec?"

I groaned groggily. "Five more minutes," I mumbled.

Then everything rushed back.

I gasped, jerking up to a sitting position, unable to breathe for a moment.

"Max," I choked out.

Magnus's expression softened, pity spreading across his face. "I brought you breakfast," He said gently.

"Thanks," I just barely managed to get out, taking the tray of toast and coffee from him.

Magnus sat down next to me and we sat in silence for a minute as I ate.

"Do you want to, you know, talk about him?" Magnus asked. "When my brother died… you know, it really helped."

"What do I say?"

"What was he like?"

"He was… energetic. He could bounce around for hours and he wouldn't get tired at all. And he was caring, and sensitive. When he was 5 and Izzy was 15 and was getting her heart broken by boys, he would go into her room when she was upset and hug her." I laughed. "He could never reach up to her height, so he would demand her to bend down to his height. And he was so much more perceptive than you would think. Everyone, including me, underestimated him."

It was confusing, the mixed emotions. It felt good, really good, to talk about this, but all the memories that were hitting me made it unbearably sad to talk about.

"What else about him do you remember?" Magnus asked softly.

"You know, because our parents were working, Izzy and I took Max to his first day of school. We did the whole thing, cooking fancy breakfast, taking pictures on the doorstep with his brand new school uniform, the lot. He was so nervous; I remember him being terrified. I was talking to a teacher while Izzy tried to comfort him. I can't even remember what she said to him, only that it worked.

When Max died, it was as if someone had stuck a dagger in my stomach. It had just been sitting there since yesterday afternoon, constantly causing pain. Twinging every time I forgot about it, just to remind me it was there. Now, talking about him, it was like I was twisting the dagger; infinitely more painful, but strangely satisfying, the same kind of feeling as biting down on a sore tooth.

"There was this other time when Max was 11, and he was about to take his entrance exam for his next school. It was at some point around Christmas, I can't remember exactly, and the house was full of all our extended family. Max asked me and Izzy to help him with a particularly difficult maths problem, and when we got upstairs Izzy saw it and immediately began to drone on about complicated algebra equations and problem-solving techniques. We jokingly bickered over how to teach him. I won, so I taught him how to do it while Izzy threatened to tickle him if he got one wrong."

My voice was strained as I willed away the tears, swallowing a mouthful of coffee to try and get rid of the lump in my throat.

"He didn't even get to turn thirteen. He never got to be a teenager. He never got to fall in love, or have his first kiss, or get drunk on the beach on cheap cider. There are so many experiences he missed out on."

"This is how you have to remember him," Magnus said. "Not as the dying boy with countless tubes and beeping machines around him, but as the energetic, crazy Max who loved you and Izzy more than anything else in the world, and looked up to you as his idol. The Max who would only stop crying when you kissed his scraped knee and bounced around full of youth and energy. Don't let this change the way you think of him."

"I know," I said. "I'm just glad I didn't see him after he… after…" I stopped. "Back when he was really little, our mum and I were walking through the park with Max. Max hadn't quite got the hang of walking yet, so he was hanging onto our hands for dear life. Izzy had just taught him how to blow a raspberry, and he was blowing them at every stranger that walked past. Mum and I were laughing so hard that we could barely breathe, let alone apologize. On the walk, I ended up finding this little toy soldier sitting on the fence like a little kid had dropped it and someone had picked it up and put it where it could be seen. I picked it up, brushed off the dirt, and gave it to him." I took a deep breath, holding the grief back, and smiled slightly as Magnus rested his hand on top of mine and squeezed my fingers comfortingly. "He loved it so much. I could never understand how someone could be so attached to an object."

"It was because you gave it to him," Came a voice from the door. Izzy's voice was raw from crying, but what was worse was the look she had in her red and puffy eyes, glazed over and despairing like she had given up. "It wasn't just a toy soldier; it was the toy soldier that his amazing big brother had given him. He carried it everywhere with him." Her face went cold and stony, blocking out the emotions. Then, without a word, she turned and hurried away. Her concealed tears blurring her vision so that she collided with Jace, with no more than a mumbled apology, before she vanished into her room.

Jace looked the most serious I had ever seen him, except for possibly the night before. "Hi," He said grimly. "Alec, I just wanted to say that you and Izzy are welcome to stay for as long as you want. My parents are travelling for another month and a half, so it'll be just us. Obviously, Simon and Magnus are welcome too."

"Thank you," I said. "This is very generous of you."

"It's no problem, really. Hope you feel better." He patted me consolingly on the shoulder and shared a pained smile with Magnus, before leaving and shutting the door behind him.


	20. Chapter 20

Just until the funeral. I only need to hold out until then, and then everything will be over. I need to say goodbye to him, to feel the ashes slipping away between my fingers, twisting and swirling in the wind. I can barely move, chains encircle my wrists and ankles and my brain. I can't think. It is like my thoughts refuse to walk in a straight line, like a drunk after a night out. Soft hands brush uselessly against my skin, desperately trying to garner some kind of reaction, other than softly mumbled words and my eyes closing and opening - blinking in acknowledgment. My eyes do not fill with tears, my mouth does not expel screams, my body does not shake. Everything is ... still.


	21. Explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a lovely commenter pointed out that I posted last week’s chapter twice. Unfortunately, I deleted the chapter that they had commented on so I couldn’t find their comment to reply to it. Basically, what happened was that I had missed out posting a chapter, (I use FF.net as well, and sometimes I forget to post to Ao3), so there were only 19 chapters, so I assumed I had forgotten to actually post chapter 20. I have now sorted this out, so if you didn’t get a notif for you should now go and check out chapter 17! It’s so annoying that chapter 17 was the chapter that wasn’t posted, because it is one of my personal favourites and really cute!
> 
> Just quickly explaining the English education system because it’s mentioned a little down there. If you are English then skip this, you probably already know it. Basically GCSEs are the compulsory public exams that you do when you are in year 11, or when you are 15/16. You do around 9-11, and they are a very big deal; my cousin was doing 8 hours of revision for a month straight for hers. The next year, when you are 16/17 you do around 4-5 AS levels, which are like preparatory exams for your A Levels, which are the final exams you do before you leave school, and the results of your A Levels determine if you get into the university you want to go to. 
> 
> If your brain exploded then just read this: GCSEs, AS levels and A Levels are a big deal and you are very distracted while you do them. Cool?
> 
> The first half of this chapter is a combination of explaining everything (I think? Let me know if you are still confused about anything and I will be happy to answer), and Alec just thinking about stuff. I have no idea if it’s gonna be interesting at all, but ah well. 
> 
> You know, I’ve been thinking about Shadowhunters season 2, since the casting and costume fittings are just starting to roll in. Does anyone else think it would be awesome if Camille wasn’t involved at all? That way she wouldn’t be able to be such a bitch and threaten to destroy all that is good in the world, and by that I mean Malec. In fact, I would very much like the writers to exclude her from this narrative, one which fans never asked she be a part of since the show was announced… #memes
> 
> Enjoy!

We spent a repetitive week and a half at Jace’s house, each day identical to the last. I would wake up early, usually after a fitful night’s sleep, and sit at the table and eat breakfast silently as I listened to the chatter around me. Cami, Ragnor and Will would often join us for meals, and Cat would sometimes tag along. Occasionally someone would try to engage me in conversation, and I would say something plain and steer the conversation back onto someone else.  
The rest of my time was spent in the spare room, catching up on lost sleep, being with Magnus, or simply staring at the white ceiling. Magnus was what kept me sane, his gentle kisses and touches comforted me far more than anything else.  
It had not escaped my notice how much Magnus was being affected by this. Once he would have spent half the morning meticulously styling his hair, now he just swept his hand through it occasionally to keep it out of his eyes. He had stopped wearing makeup and his flamboyant flashy clothes too, and for some reason he looked older than he ever had before.  
I wasn’t one to talk, I looked much worse. My shoulders were getting narrower, the lack of proper nutrition taking its toll on my muscles. My eyes had dark circles under them, and unkempt stubble was growing on my face.  
Simon had left a few days ago, speaking endless apologies and words of worry. Something about losing his job if he didn’t go back, I hadn’t really been paying attention. I hadn’t been able to tell if Izzy was happy or sad to see him go, her face rarely arranged itself into anything other than boredom, although I was certain that was a cover for her real grief. She had never been one to talk about what was worrying her if it was something that had caused her serious pain. The tragic ends of brief flings, she could talk about for hours, but something like this, it would be impossible to get her to talk about her feelings.  
The actual factual events, she didn’t seem to have a problem with. I had finally pulled myself together enough to ask Izzy about what had happened, how it had happened. She had talked in a monotone, her face expressionlessly displaying the same boredom that seemed to be her default setting now.  
Both Izzy and I had been at boarding school when Max, aged 9, had first been diagnosed with anaplastic astrocytoma, a form of brain cancer. Izzy was 16 and I was 17, and both of us were in the middle of massive public exams; I was doing my AS Levels and Izzy was doing her GCSEs. We were away from home, and so absorbed in our studies that for a period of about 2 months no more contact was made with home apart from quick text exchanges. After that, to celebrate the end of exams we had gone travelling with a few friends, enjoying the benefits of rich parents who were willing to pay the travel costs.  
Robert had very nobly not wanted to impact me or Izzy’s studies, so he had convinced Maryse not to tell us. Max had gone into remission quickly, and suddenly there was no reason to mention it. By the time we returned from our travels it was as though nothing had happened, and Maryse, on Robert’s instruction, had somehow managed to prevent Max from telling us as well. He hadn’t really been aware of what was happening, being too young for the snooty private doctors to worry themselves with explaining his condition to him. The only telltale sign that something had happened was their refusal to send him to boarding school.  
Everything had looked fine for years, but the lingering effects of intense medical care and the aggressive cancer had come back to haunt Max. Max had been diagnosed for the second time just after the end of the summer holidays, and his condition had deteriorated faster than it ever had the last time around. Sometime after the triple date Izzy had come home from Edinburgh University life to find the worst surprise imaginable. Unfortunately, both me and Magnus had got new phones with new numbers to replace the ones that had broken in the rain. Izzy had no way of reaching us. That didn’t stop her from trying though, and for a month she had called both me and Magnus every day. She had done it so much that it had become routine for her, and now she found herself reaching for her phone before remembering that there was no reason to call us. Izzy couldn’t leave Max’s side, should any major developments occur, and besides, Robert wouldn’t let Izzy leave to tell me. He said it was because he didn’t want to disturb me, but I was fairly sure it was an aversion to see me, being the disgusting faggot that I was.  
As she was telling me this, I noticed that this was the only time Izzy showed any modicum of emotion, her voice going hard and bitter, her anger at our parents for keeping everything from us leaking through her protective armour.  
After some time, Izzy was beginning to lose hope that she would ever reach us, but she had finally thought of Clary. Clary had obviously seen us since our phones had broken and had our new numbers, which she gave to Izzy. I could very well remember what had happened from there, crystal clear memory all the way up to where I was now.  
The phrase ‘wanting what you can’t have’ had never applied to me more. Before Max had died I had seen him maximum once a month, but the idea that I could see him if I wanted to was just something I took for granted. Now that I knew that I would never see him again, I was missing him terribly.  
The doorbell rang, and pulled me from my brooding. I was pretty sure that there was no one in the house apart from me and Izzy, so I swung my legs off the side of the bed and went to answer the door. Izzy was about to answer the door when I got there, and for the first time since we had arrived at Jace’s, I fully appreciated the change in Izzy. Her skin was pale; her hair was greasy and limp. She was far thinner than I remembered. She had always been thin, but this was different. The skin seemed to hang off her bones loosely, her cheeks were hollow, and the prominence of the bones in her shoulders made me shudder. Her dark jeans which had once been skintight were now slack, not quite baggy, but definitely not as close fitting as before They hung low off her narrow hips.  
When she saw me she smiled weakly. I noticed with a wrench of my gut that the little dimple on her right cheek was in exactly the same place that Max’s had been, and looked away. It was painful, but it was a good pain. Even though it would probably have made the sense of emptiness go away, I didn’t want to forget Max.  
I opened the door, and there, standing on the doorstep, a restless expression on her face, was my mother, Simon close behind her. I gasped slightly, horrified at her appearance. She looked even worse than Izzy.  
Izzy regained the life that had been lost on her for the last week to shout at Simon.  
“What the hell!?” Izzy shouted disbelievingly. “You brought her here? You knew I didn’t want to see her, or my dad, or anyone else in my miserable family,” She glanced at me, and I could tell that she wasn’t talking about me. “And you still thought it was a good idea to tell her where I was staying?”  
“Please, Isabelle,” pleaded Maryse. “I just want you to hear my side of the story.”  
“I’m so sorry, Izzy,” Simon said. “but seriously, I think it would be good for you to hear her out.”  
It was only now that she was stood in front of me that my anger came crashing down. She had kept this horror at bay and allowed it to get worse, so that when the truth had finally come out, it had hit harder than I ever imagined it could. She had helped to prevent me from seeing my little brother as he lay helplessly on his deathbed. She was, in part, to blame for depriving me of the chance to say goodbye for the final time to someone I loved unconditionally, in the way you only can for someone you have watched grow up. I wanted nothing more than to let loose and scream at her until my voice was raw. But I didn’t. I bottled it up inside, keeping my anger to myself, repressing my emotions. It felt like a step backwards in time, back before I met Magnus, before I accepted who I was, back when the only person who I could talk to was Izzy. Except now, I couldn’t even talk to her. Not really anyway.  
“Fine,” Izzy said dismissively, and held the door open wider to let them in.  
If Maryse was impressed by the extravagant furnishings she didn’t show it, but walked tentatively after Izzy. She was almost tiptoeing, as though she was worried that if she made too much noise it would anger Izzy.  
When we reached the kitchen Izzy fell into a chair and crossed her legs, looking out the window disinterestedly. Maryse looked a little perturbed, but seated herself across from Izzy. She looked expectantly at me, as if she hoped that I would sit down too. Instead I muttered something about tea, and went to put the kettle on, needing something to busy my hands or else I feared they would be shaking with anger.  
Izzy looked over at our mother. “Well, you wanted to talk, so talk.”  
Maryse glanced at me, before hurrying on. “There’s really no excuse for what we – your father and I – did.” Izzy scoffed, but otherwise continued with her resolute stare out the window. “The first time Max got sick we had been told that he had a high chance of completely recovering, and we didn’t want to distract either of you from your exams. You have to understand how awful it was for us to find out that we were going to have to go through all of that again, but it was only after talking to Max’s doctor that we realised how serious it was. After that first conversation I wanted to call both of you, I really did, but your father disagreed with me. He said – and I agreed – that your presence would only increase tensions and put additional stress on Max. There was still hope then. The day that they told us that Max was in his last few days I called you, Isabelle. Your father was so angry with me for telling you but he was just trying to find an outlet for his frustration. Being unable to do anything about something he was powerless to change. He forbade you from telling Alexander, but of course you didn’t listen to him. I waited for days for you, Alexander, to turn up but you didn’t. I considered going to get you myself, but I had no idea why you weren’t here, and Isabelle, you were too angry at me for me to even attempt to talk to you.”  
“So basically it was all dad’s fault?” Izzy asked sarcastically, her voice still monotonous.  
“No! Isabelle, that wasn’t what I said. I should have told you the second Max was diagnosed-”  
“But what use is hindsight?” I cut in. “How is regretting the past and complaining about your bad decisions going to let me see my brother again?”  
Maryse was speechless for a second, and looked down at her lap, where her hands rested, bowing her head in shame. Then she looked up determinately and looked me in the eye. “There is nothing I can say to make this right, other than sorry. Nothing I can ever say or do will ever be enough to show you how sorry I am, and I hope that one day you can forgive me.”  
“That’s a bit optimistic,” I saw Izzy mutter sarcastically behind Maryse’s back.  
“The only other thing I came here to say, is to ask you to come home.” She faced Izzy here, silently pleading with her to say yes.  
“Sure,” Izzy said in a bored tone of voice. “I’ll come home.” It sounded like she barely had the energy to argue, so had just picked the easy option.  
Maryse looked rather taken aback by Izzy’s lack of resistance, but took it in her stride and turned to face me again. “The invitation is open to you too, Alexander.”  
My first thought was not of Izzy, or of my broken family, or of my little brother, but of Magnus, who I would be leaving behind. I needed him. I had no idea what would happen to me if I didn’t have his support. “No,” I said simply. “I can’t leave.”  
Maryse opened her mouth slightly as if to argue, then closed it again. “Well, be safe. I’ll call you when we have some more details for the funeral.”  
“Thanks mum,” I said. “Izz, do you want some help packing?”  
“Yeah, sure,” Izzy said.  
It didn’t take long to pack up her belongings, and very soon I was waving her goodbye, along with Simon. Clary and I were left alone, and she convinced me not to shrink back into my room, putting on a trashy film on Netflix and making us tea out of the lukewarm water leftover from my failed attempt to make tea for my mother and sister.


	22. Chapter 22

Hot, cold; sharp, faded; euphoric, distraught; bright, dark; high, low. My mind is fighting a battle against itself. The drugs raging war inside me. Antidepressants take me flying, but the sleeping pills that no one sees bring me crashing down again, sucking my energy out of my body, only to be pulled back up by that flying sensation. All inside my head. Sealed. No one can get in. Sometimes I lie in bed, my eyes streaming because I cannot find the energy to close them, so I just stay still, relishing in the burning of my eyes and my cheeks as the salt water makes tracks down my cheeks.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the good news is I have a pretty solid sleeping pattern. The bad news is it's a bit unconventional. Do you think 3AM to 11AM is a good sleeping pattern, or am I going to fall over from tiredness at some point?
> 
> I suggest you listen to Stone by Alessia Cara as you read this chapter, because it is basically what caused the mood of this chapter. This chapter was gonna be really depressing, but I heard this song and I JUST MISSED WRITING CUTE MALEC, AND I GOT ALL NOSTALIGIC. SUE ME.
> 
> I finished this 2 minutes before midnight on Sunday night, so I technically managed to write this chapter in one week! I am going to have to basically post this as soon as I finish editing it myself, so unfortunately this chapter has not been betaed this week. Sorry if it's especially bad, or has loads of grammar errors, or you don't understand anything! Leave a comment if you want to ask me anything! (Non-spoilery)
> 
> Enjoy! (This one's cute, I promise)

I insisted that Magnus and I follow Izzy's departure quickly. I didn't want to impose on Jace for any longer than necessary, and the plain, whitewashed walls were starting to drive me insane. Christmas passed without me noticing, especially with Magnus's absence at his parents' house in Dubai, but slowly I was recovering.

"Flight BA0106 will be arriving shortly, please make your way to the arrivals gate now if you are meeting someone on flight BA0106" Came the static voice of the intercom booming through the high ceilinged room and I smiled slightly, tapping my knees excitedly. "Oh, and have a great new year's eve," The voice continued, and cut out again. Magnus would be landing from Dubai any minute, and I would finally get to see him again.

Magnus barely ever saw his parents, but they expected him to come home every few years to see them and catch them up on his life. His father was the CEO of a major oil company, so rarely had time to see Magnus. This had been a long standing arrangement, and Magnus had barely been able to cut the trip short enough to be back in time for new year's eve, and even then his parents had taken much persuasion. He had set Ragnor and Cat (Now in a strange maybe dating, maybe just friends, relationship, it wasn't really clear) on my tail for the whole week to make sure I was okay, so I hadn't exactly been lonely, but I had still missed him.

Over the next half an hour the empty stretch of shiny floor around the gate began to fill up, people chattering excitedly to see their loved ones. I stood up from my seat, which was almost immediately filled by someone else as they rushed to snag the spot before someone else could. As soon as I had stood up I smirked to myself, very much enjoying my height, as I could pretty much see over everyone else's heads. Magnus's extreme height would make him stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd, being even taller than me. It took another five minutes of me tapping my foot agitatedly on the floor, all of the nervous energy singing through my body so much that I couldn't keep myself still, and I found myself checking my watch almost every thirty seconds.

Eventually a stream of people started to pour out of the gate, and I craned my neck to see them properly. So many different people passed me, there were businessmen and women in smart suits carrying briefcases and marching confidently through the crowd to the waiting taxis, there were elderly people being jumped on by their small grandchildren, there were people a similar age to me being greeted fondly by their parents. After what seemed like a lifetime of waiting, I caught sight of Magnus. He was also scanning the crowd eagerly for me, but it took him longer to find me than it took me to find him. His face lit up, probably in a similar expression to mine, and his grin only grew wider as he got closer to me.

When he finally broke free of the tide of people he walked as fast as he could, hindered by the suitcases as he was, towards me, and threw his arms around me. I closed my eyes instinctively and held him tight to me, breathing in deeply through my nose to fill my nose with his scent. It felt so comforting just being there, his warm body aligned perfectly with mine so that every body part seemed to fit and have a place. Before, when I was waiting for him to arrive, my heart had been beating quickly and my veins were so full of adrenaline I had barely been able to hold myself still. Now, with him so close to me that I could feel his breaths fall in time with mine, my heart was beating calmly and I felt that feeling of utter peace, like when you're just about to fall asleep and you feel like you're floating, every single part of you totally relaxed.

We finally broke apart, and, oblivious to the people around us, I pulled him in for a long kiss. We barely moved, simply relishing in the feeling of our lips being pressed together. "I missed you," I said, smiling against his lips. I kissed him quickly again and then went to help him with his suitcases.

"I missed you too," Magnus said, slipping his hand into mine. "Come on, let's go home."  
\-----

It was a long train journey back to our flat. We passed most of the journey without talking much, just listening to music with one headphone each as I rested my head on his shoulder and we held hands, fingers interlocked. I stared out of the window, making eye contact every so often with Magnus, but mostly just watching the landscape rush past as the relaxing ballads played from Magnus's phone.

Oh, nothing's sure, but surely as we stand

I promise I will stay the same

And I've never seen forever

But I know we'll remain

And I will follow where this takes me

And my tomorrows long to be unknown

When all is shaken, be my safety

In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone

Magnus glanced at me, and we shared a small smile, and I made it a point to find out what that song was called as the next song came on.

I want you

I'll colour me blue

Anything it takes to make you stay

Only seeing myself

When I'm looking up at you

The lyrics of the song were obviously about trying to stop the person you are in love with breaking up with you, but they were so reminiscent of how Magnus must feel. Magnus was bearing part of my burden despite the sadness it brought him, but he knew it was the only way to stop me from disconnecting from reality and leaving him behind as I receded into my own head. However, every time he saw me in pain he was also seeing himself a few years ago, watching himself as well as me fall apart over his brother's death.

It was the moments like this where I really felt like I was recovering. On a rollercoaster there is that moment at the top of a slope, seconds before you fall back down, where the cart almost slows to a stop and you feel like the world has stopped moving around you and you are going to get stuck at the top, unable to come down from the vertigo-inducing height to the ground below. But then you start moving again, gathering momentum and everything starts to feel normal again. Sure, you're rushing down a nearly vertical slope with no control over where you're going, but at least you're moving. That was what this felt like. Max's death seemed to put everything else in my life on hold, and now everything was starting to happen again I had a sense of normality back, despite the lack of control over any of it. Leaning against Magnus, his arm loosely draped over my shoulders and his head resting on top of mine, his breathing low and even… it was the most normal feeling in the world.

We walked all the way home from the train station, hands linked, dragging suitcases behind us, and listening to the music. We had to stand close together so the headphones would stay in, and with every step our shoulders bumped together. It was oddly awkward and natural at the same time.  
\-----

My phone rang loudly, and Magnus paused the episode of How to Get Away With Murder we were currently watching. Both of us glared at it, willing it to shut up. Needless to say, it didn't shut up.

"Can you get it for me?" I asked. It was an entire two metres away from me, far too far to walk.

"You're so lazy," Magnus complained. "No."

"Please." I gave my best puppy dog eyes. "It's so far away!"

"Get it yourself!" Magnus said, but he was smiling and I sensed his resolve was crumbling.

I pouted and widened my eyes.

"Fine!" Magnus stood up, muttering "Lazy sod," just loud enough for me to hear and went to grab my phone and chuck it at me.

Grinning, I answered the phone without looking at the caller ID. "Hi?"

"Alec? It's your mother."

"Oh, hi mum… How are you holding up?" I asked awkwardly, not sure I really wanted to know the answer.

"Um… fine, I guess. Probably the best I could be, given the circumstances." She paused for a second, and I faintly heard a deep, steadying breath. "What about you?"

"Yeah, fine. I've got some really awesome people around me at the moment, so that's really helping." I smiled slightly at Magnus, and felt his hand slide into mine.

"Good, good," She said absent-mindedly. "Anyway, I was calling to let you know that Max's funeral will be in a few weeks, on January 15th. You can stay with us if you want while it goes on. I realise that in recent years you and your sister have become quite distanced from your father and I, so if you wanted to bring someone with you to help you through the day then they could also stay with us."

I suppressed a bitter laugh. If I was to bring anyone it would be Magnus, and I was sure my parents would be rather surprised by his appearance. "Thanks, mum. That's really nice of you and dad."

"You really can bring anyone you want, Alec. Please don't feel like you can't bring someone because of what your father and I might think. We just want to lessen the pain of the occasion for everyone. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Was she really implying what I thought she was? Did she know about Magnus? And if she did, was this her way of saying that she didn't care? And to add to all of that confusion, she had called me Alec. I couldn't remember my mother ever calling me Alec in my life. It had always been Alexander. "Yeah, I guess. Thanks mum. Anyway," I said, changing the subject. "How's Izzy?"

"She's alright, I think." My mother said hesitantly. "She doesn't talk much, just keeps to herself. I think she's going to defer university for a year, because at this rate I think that it is unlikely she'll be going back to Edinburgh any time in the near future. She's getting better though, slowly but surely."

"Well thanks for calling to let me know. It was great to hear from you."

"You too," She said, and I waited for her to hang up the phone, hearing the click as she did.

"What was she calling for?" Magnus asked.

"Telling me when the funeral is." I said. "January 15th," I replied to Magnus's raised eyebrows.

"Of course you don't have to decide now, but do you want me there?"

I buried my face in my hands, and groaned. "I don't know, maybe." Magnus's eyebrows creased with worry, and I continued in a rush. "If it didn't have any repercussions, then of course I would. You've been my rock throughout this entire ordeal and I don't know what I would have done without you. You have possibly been the most selfless, kind and understanding boyfriend in the world these last few weeks, and if I knew nothing would come of it, I would absolutely want you by my side as we bury Max, but-"

"Alec, stop." Magnus rested an arm on my shoulder, and looked me in the eye. "I understand; you don't have to explain yourself. I know about your parents, and I don't want to introduce a whole new dilemma into this situation."

"See, you say that, but I'm not so sure."

"About what?" Magnus asked.

"About my parents – or at least my mum – not knowing about us." I said. "Remember when she turned up to dump Izzy and Max on me? We were in the bedroom together, and you just appeared in the middle of the sitting room?" Magnus nodded. It hurt just talking about this; that weekend had been the last time I had seen Max. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and regained my composure. "And then when you ran into each other on the stairs just as she was leaving?" Magnus nodded again. "And you were there to drive us away the day Max died? I don't think she's ever met any of my other friends, like Cat or now Clary and Jace. And then suddenly there's this mystery man who turns up wherever her son is? Maryse was bound to work it out, especially since she actually acknowledged that I was gay when I came out, Robert just ignored it and hoped it would go away."

"So you think your mum knows about me?"

"Yeah," I said. "And the weird bit is that she seemed totally cool with it. The mother who looked at me sadly as though she had failed in parenting when I came out just seems to be completely gone."

An empty silence ensued, and the day I came out echoed through my mind, the confused faces, followed by the anger, followed by the attempts to 'fix me', which I had been lucky enough to evade. I shook my head, pushing the bad memories to the back of my mind.

I spoke stiffly, my voice clipped and business like. "Okay, how about this: You come with me to the funeral and stay around for it, but don't come into the service. I'll see you outside the church just before we bury him and tell if I want you there. Do you think that'll be okay?"

"That's fine," Magnus said and smiled sympathetically at me. "I'll be there."

"Thank you," I whispered and leant my head on Magnus's shoulder, Magnus's arm coming up to encircle my shoulders.

After a minute, I blinked away the dampness in my eyes and stood up. "So, what are we doing for new year's eve?"

Magnus sensed my change in tone instantly and followed suit. "Funny you should ask that, because I have a little something planned. Get your coat, it's cold outside."

"Do you actually?" I said surprised. "I am feeling like quite a bad boyfriend right now."

"I'm sure you'll make it up to me, somehow."

"Somehow," I agreed, smiling conspiratorially. "Possibly when we get back from whatever mystery trip you have planned?"

"Hmm, maybe," Magnus murmured, and kissed me. "But, for now, we're going out."

\----

"Where are we going?" I asked a while later.

"Well, you remember a certain day in April this year? Clary and Jace were being couply, looking at each other with sappy eyes as I hung out with the guys. I was on my lunch break, trying to find anything else to look apart from their PDA, and I noticed an amazingly hot guy sitting under a tree." I blushed, smiling as we came to a stop. "I was actually going to shrug it off and head home, but then you looked up. You looked so surprised to be admired that I told Will to leave without me and that I would walk back to the café on my own. And then I talked to you. You were stuttering over pretty much every single word. It was adorable."

I looked around us, and realised where we were. It looked different in the darkness of night, and the trees had lost all of their leaves, but were undeniably standing under the tree where we had first met. "Wow," I said. "I don't think I've been back here since that day."

"Me neither," Magnus agreed. "I thought it would be a nice spot to watch the university fireworks from."

Magnus opened his backpack and pulled out a rug, which he spread across the frozen ground and pulled me down to lay beside him. I shivered in the biting chill of the night air, and Magnus smiled slightly, huddling closer to me and passing me a thermos flask of piping hot coffee.

"You read my mind," I said grinning, and wrapping an arm around Magnus's shoulders.

Midnight approached quickly, but it took long enough that by the time the echoing countdown from 60 seconds began to come from the parties in the various houses around us, both Magnus and I were thoroughly bored with stargazing. It was romantic for the first minute, and then after that you just felt cold and a little confused with what you were supposed to be looking at.

As the countdown from 10 started, Magnus and I murmered the numbers together, whispering in time with the crowds of people.

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, happy new year!"

With the final shout cheers erupted and I pulled Magnus in for a long, passionate kiss. Within moments my previously freezing lips were burning with heat, especially compared to the rest of my body which felt sluggish frozen.

"I love you, Alexander Lightwood," Magnus whispered.

"I love you too, Magnus Bane. Thank you for dealing with my crazy shit for most of this year, and here's to a whole year together."

"Happy 2017," Magnus laughed, and raised the coffee flask to the sky, before taking another long draught and passing the flask to me, and I promptly took a large swig, relishing in the burning feeling in my torso as the hot liquid passed through me.

We lay there for a little longer, a mixture of kissing and cuddling, sharing body heat. It was only when we started to nod off that we stood up and shook ourselves awake to go home. I guessed my 'repayment' would have to wait for another night, as as soon as we got home we stripped down to boxer briefs and fell into bed, Magnus pressing his chest close to my back and draping his arm over my waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two songs mentioned when Alec and Magnus are sitting on the train are Stone by Alessia Cara and Blue by Troye Sivan. Troye and Alessia are making up about 50% of my writing playlist, so listening to Blue and realising that the lyrics can also perfectly fit this story. Stone is just the kind of song I would want playing as I stare out the window of a train as the landscape rushes past, it's just a really gorgeous song. I highly recommend you check both of them out.


	24. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for self harm

No one can get in. Except for one. Every voice is muffled, every face blurry, yet this voice cuts through the barrier like a knife through skin. I hear it rarely, and every time I do my body seizes up. My mind is filled with a feeling of terrible grief and hopelessness.

Cool. Clean. Sharp. I move my hands back and forth, playing my wrist like violin strings, redrawing the lines over and over again. The red trickles down across pale lines and falls from my fingers in crimson raindrops to the floor, fanning out like the petals of a flower. The light reflects off the metal in my hand, it dances along the wall, twisting and twirling, flashing against the tiles. I do not feel pain, there is a gauze surrounding my mind, and it can only sense everything I feel weakly, as though through a misted glass.

Through the muffled haze, there is a crash and a tinkling of metal on metal, keys. I register blankly that I must hide the marks, the instrument. The metal hides in my pocket. My grey sleeves conceal the lines that are covered by white tissue that will soon turn red. I see the petals on the floor, but a towel dropped from my fingers soaks them up as he walks in, saying my name as I force a smile. He doesn't know.


	25. Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MATT DADDARIO WON A TCA! AND SHADOWHUNTERS DID TOO! YAY! ALSO THEY START FILMING TODAY AND THEY DON'T STOP FOR 11 MONTHS WHICH MEANS THAT WE ARE GONNA GET NON-STOP SELFIES OF THE CAST FILMING FOR AN ENITRE YEAR. I AM BEING SO VERY CALM AND COLLECTED AND BEING VERY MATURE ABOUT THIS!
> 
> DID YOU SEE THE EVERYTHNGS OF THEM ON SET? MCG WITH KAT AND MATT AND MATT'S NECK RUNE AND HARRY'S COSTUME FITTINGS SHIRTLESS? *Thinks about why Magnus would have to be shirtless ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)* AND KAT AND ALBERTO WITH THEIR FAIRCHILD AND LEWIS SHIRTS. I'M SO EXCITED!
> 
> There is a point in this chapter where Alec is pretty cynical about religion and it can definitely be considered as very offensive to Christianity in particular. I just wanted to say that I am very sorry if anyone is hurt by this, but I felt like it fit the story for Alec to reject his parents' beliefs, given how bitter he is with anything to do with his parents, his father in particular.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts
> 
> The short chapters in italics are very much relevant to the story, and if you've been skipping them then you should read them before you read this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

The church my parents picked for Max's funeral was tall and grand. Massive ornate stained glass windows made up most of the side of the church and the stone was elaborately carved, with intricate gargoyles and other stone decorations adorning the side of the building. The steeple stretched up into the sky, the crucifix showed almost everywhere on the exterior of the church, and I was sure the religious symbols would only increase in number when I went inside.

It was a miserable day, the wind howling through the streets and blustering past the trees so that the bare branches shook and swayed in the gale. The sky was grey, completely obscuring the sun, and the rain fell in a pathetic drizzle that wasn't enough to actually get anyone wet, but made everything, what can only be described as, damp.

Magnus and I were standing behind the church in a secluded spot, sheltered from the wind by the massive trees. We were huddling under the overhang of the roof to shelter us from the drizzling rain. We watched, unseen, as all of the family members I had ever met, as well as a good few I hadn't, followed my parents, Izzy and Simon into the church in a steady stream of perky, chattering people all dressed in black and wearing fake sombre expressions.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come in with you?" Magnus asked me smoothing my tie, as if it actually mattered what I looked like.

I set my jaw resolutely. "Yes. I will be fine." I was trying to convince myself more than him.

"Okay," Magnus said, unconvinced. "Well, I'll be out here if you need me."

"Thanks. I should probably go now; they're waiting for me."

Magnus nodded, and kissed my forehead. "See you in a bit."

I smiled weakly, and walked inside the church. I ran my fingers through my damp, tangled hair and scanned the room for my family. I caught sight of Izzy sitting slightly apart from my parents, leaning into Simon who had an arm around her shoulders, holding her close to him. I felt a stab of jealousy that Izzy could have someone to comfort her, to hold her together, and I couldn't. Not if I didn't want to add another person for my family to mourn for.

I walked over and took a seat on Izzy's other side, smiling tautly at my parents and rubbing Izzy's shoulder. She smiled weakly at me, and then we just sat in silence.

The organist started to play a dramatic tune, and everyone stood up robotically. As the congregation started to sing a soft hymn, a memory flashed to the front of my mind of Max whining incessantly about having to learn so many different hymns for his end of year church service, despite absolutely hating hymns. This was the first of many things in this entire service that made me grind my I knew that 'Funerals are for the living, not the dead', it made me so angry that my parents would just pretend that Max was someone he was not.

After a few more minutes of waiting, the minister stood up and started to speak. It was the usual funeral crap, 'touched many hearts', 'now in God's kingdom', 'one with God', 'Happy now'. I had nothing in particular against religion, but it seemed like a desperate attempt to convince people that in fact everything that seemed really shitty, was not as shitty as you thought, because despite the fact that someone is dead, it's all fine, since they get to bounce around on a cloud with cherubs and unicorns and rainbows!

It was total bullshit. But each to their own, eh?

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime of monotonous, meaningless words, the minister sat down and a video started to play on the white screen it was being projected on to. A light guitar piece started to play. It wasn't sad exactly, it had happy undertones. It was more like nostalgia. Listening to it was like remembering something from a long time ago when you were very happy, but knowing that it was from another era, and would never come around again. It made me remember all the good times in my life, while making me want to cry at the same time.

On the screen a short film was playing, various different video clips and photos melding together to form a montage of Max's life. Some were blurry, pixelated and from over 10 years ago. They showed moments that I could only just remember. Some were more recent, showing moments that I wasn't even there for. There were a couple where Max's head was bald, and I remembered suddenly coming home for the holidays and seeing Max's hair being so much shorter than I remembered; I complimented him on it and said it looked 'cool'. There were so many signs that I could have picked up on over the last few years, but I had just managed to breeze past them. Past the days where Maryse would take Max with her to go and do stuff that we had never really found out about, or cared enough about to ask, or the sudden absence of sports from his lifestyle. So many things that I had missed that could have allowed me to say goodbye.

But I didn't. I hadn't noticed. So I had to suffer the consequences.

\---

I can feel my face burning with the tracks of tears that run unhindered down my face. His voice is inside my head again, his sweet laugh echoing around the high ceilinged room. The flickering light of candles hits the stained-glass windows, and fractures into a million tiny shards, bathing our skin in colours. I am surrounded by faces, familiar yet alien. All seem different compared to my memory of them. Some seem more lined, others older, gaunter. Some appear happier, more fulfilled, although their eyes brim with fake tears and they mutter consoling words that wash over my head. I do not care about them. I care about the ones who are unchanged, who's faces are identical to the last time I saw them. They are the same, yet my mind views them through a lens, they could not be more different to me. They are the ones who have been unaffected by this, who are oblivious to the pain and the screams of me and my family. HIS face flits across the screen and my eyes flick up. Sunlight bathes his face as he runs across the sand and cheers. Behind him the water laps gently at the beach, and he runs into my waiting arms. On the screen I am smiling a genuine, happy smile. It is strange to me.

\---

We filed out of the church, everyone chattering loudly as they wound their way through the forest of gravestones. I vaguely heard the words 'Such a beautiful service, so sad' and had to press my lips together to stop myself from scoffing. The video was very moving, but apart from that, it all seemed like the minister had picked one of his default funeral speeches, and tried to pretend it was heartfelt and emotional. Needless to say that he failed.

It took me a moment to notice that the party had stopped, everyone forming a crescent around the minister who was standing next to a glossy new bench with a shiny brass plaque, on which these words were engraved:

Dedicated to Maxwell Joseph Lightwood

14th December 2003 – 3rd November 2016

He was holding a container filled with ashes, and a few people who my parents had considered to be very close to Max (By that, I obviously mean a few people who were close to my parents) lined up to take a handful of ashes and throw them to the wind. I felt a stab of anger as I saw a couple of the onlookers checking their watches, as if they couldn't be bothered to sacrifice five minutes of their time to pay respect to my little brother.

Izzy, Simon and I stood slightly apart, watching the proceedings. I glanced behind me and saw Magnus hovering awkwardly by a tree. My legs felt like they would fail any minute now, and I needed contact. I needed Magnus to hold me up for what I hoped would be the last time he would have to. All I wanted was to engulf myself in Magnus's touch, bury my face in his shirt, surround myself in his scent and forget about all this pain and anguish. We made eye contact, and I willed him to understand what I needed.

Magnus nodded slightly and walked over, surreptitiously standing next to me. He was standing close to me, but still far enough away that I would have to take a step to touch him. I knew what he was trying to do. He wanted to make me actually consider what I was doing before I fell against him. He knew how I felt about my parents knowing about us, and he was trying to make me stop and think.

But I had already thought; I took a step towards him, noting the way his eyes widened slightly in surprise, and aligned my body with his, his arm instinctively curving around my shoulders and pulling me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, and breathed deeply, trying to stop myself from crying. He pressed his lips to the top of my head, and I closed my eyes for a second.

I deliberately didn't look at my parents, not wanting to see the looks of shock, horror, embarrassment and anger on their faces. There was a chance that my mother already knew, but my father would absolutely not react well I knew that.

Slowly, the line of people began to dwindle, and the last person took a pinch of ashes and threw it into the sky. With that, the group began to move towards the edge of the graveyard, led by my parents. They were going to have lunch at my parents' favourite fancy restaurant, leaving Izzy and I to say our goodbyes on our own. The minister pressed the pot of ashes, now almost completely empty, into Simon's hands. I glared at the man, daring him to say something derogatory towards me and Magnus, but he just smiled sadly at me, as though he empathised with me, and I immediately felt bad for assuming the worst of him. It wasn't his fault my parents had not understood Max at all and made him give a terrible service.

\---

I see the faces around me nodding and smiling tearfully, and I tell myself that it will be fine. They have survived one death; they can bear another.

The ashes drift between my fingers, just like I imagined they would. I raise my arm into the air, letting the wind take away the last essence of him. The way they slip between my fingers reminds me of how I feel. Like my life, my spirit, my vitality is slipping away from me, never to return. I know I only have to hold on for a few more hours. Soft lips brush my wet cheek, and a strong hand clasps my weak fingers. I know he only wants to help, to numb the pain he imagines I must be feeling, but it is already far too empty and cold for him to have any effect. The agony he imagines is numbed, a thing of the past that has long since faded. It is like I have used it all up over the last few hours, and now there is no pain left for me to mourn my brother.

\---

"Come on, Alec." Magnus said, rubbing my shoulder. "Let's go home."

"No, it's fine, you go ahead. I just want to be on my own for a bit."

Magnus nodded and with a last squeeze of my hand, went to stand with Izzy and Simon.

After a second, Izzy turned and walked away in the direction of our house.

"She's going to walk home on her own, I'll meet her there." I just caught Simon saying. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck agitatedly. "I just don't know what to do anymore. There is almost nothing that will get through to her anymore, she's just shut herself off from me."

I didn't think they knew I could hear what they were saying, so I turned, looking at the inscription on the bench as I strained my ears to hear.

Magnus patted Simon's shoulder and grimaced. "I know, it's hard. She's strong though, she'll bounce back. She just needs more time."

"You think?" Simon asked.

"Yes, really," Magnus assured him. "I know what they're going through, I had to go through it myself a few years ago."

"I'm sorry," Simon muttered.

"Just be there for her. She needs you more than she lets on, and your presence in her life might be the only thing keeping her sane." Magnus paused. "Do you love her?"

"Yes." Simon hesitated. "But I don't know if she knows."

"Well, if you love her then you have to be there for her, through the good times and the bad."

Simon sighed. "Thanks. I should go, meet her at home."

"Okay. I know it doesn't seem it, but you're coping really well. It's hard to see someone you love in so much pain."

Simon turned, and walked in the same direction Izzy had a few minutes ago.

I stayed a few more moments, then went to stand with Magnus.

"You were listening?" he asked.

"Yeah," I admitted. "Simon cares about her a lot more than I thought."

"I know."

An empty silence ensued, filled with nothing but the pattering of tiny raindrops and rushing of the winds as it blew through the trees and bushes. It was kind of a miracle that I had found someone like Magnus. Someone who loved me enough to stand with me 'through the good times and the bad', as Magnus had put it, and to shoulder some of my grief, supporting me through it.

"Thank you," I said suddenly.

"What for?"

"For being there for me. For suffering because of me, but still putting up with me through all of it."

Magnus looked at me in disbelief. "I love you, Alexander. I wasn't going to just let you be in pain. It kills me to see you like this, but I know it would kill me more to see you in pain and not do anything about it." I bit my lip, and Magnus kissed me gently. "Just so we're clear. You don't owe me anything. I want to be here. Okay?"

I nodded, and then we walked away, following in the footsteps of Simon and Izzy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Props to JelloDVDs for editing and Making It Less Obvious who the mystery POV is. 
> 
> I'm aware it is quite obvious, but if you think you've worked it out then instead of spoiling it in the comments hang on and let me know if you guessed right in a few chapters when it's revealed! (That doesn't mean you shouldn't comment though ;))


	26. Chapter 27

I know what I look like now. I have looked in the mirror, and I know my eyes are now set deep in my skull, my cheeks hollowed out. My eyelashes droop and the edges of my mouth is turned down. My once plump lips are thin and lines trace my cheeks from too much frowning. Now my lips will never frown again, and my mouth will never scream curses and cries into the uncaring silence. My clammy fingers grip the edge of the sink, and my forehead rests against the freezing glass of the mirror. I can see straight into my dark eyes, but they are dead, lifeless, empty. I am a coward. I know that. I am running from my fears. I want to stand and confront them, but it is like I am being dragged, unable to stop for fear of stumbling and falling and being left behind. I feel nothing now. No regret, no fear, no grief, no pain. No anything. It is not a case of being ready, for being anxious about that implies some form of nervousness or unpreparedness for what lies ahead. All I see in front of me is an emptiness. A release from everything I wish to escape. My hand moves lazily to my pocket, pulling out the blade and pressing it to my wrist.

It goes deeper than usual. For the first time I feel the pain properly. Like I have been listening to an echo all this time, and I have finally heard the source of the noise. My mind feels sharper than it has in weeks. I gasp at the mixed pain and pleasure, but continue, the lines growing in number, lined up in a neat and orderly line, like soldiers. The blood flows more readily now, and I can hear my pulse thundering in my ears. I can feel life's grip on me loosening as my mind begins to shut down, my body becoming slow and sluggish. I continue anyway, and I stagger, the razor slipping between my fingers and cutting a jagged line, the only disorderly line among the perfect stripes. The razor falls to the floor with a clatter, and my hands grip the sink for support, my bloody fingers slippery against the smooth white porcelain. My legs are too weak. They cannot support me any longer, and my knees buckle. I lie on my side, the razor glistening with blood inches away from my face. My head whirls, the room rocking around me like a baby's cradle, lulling me slowly to sleep. My hair is trailing in the spreading pool of my blood, matting and tangling. My eyes slip closed. It seems like an age of silence and pain and endorphins and rushing heartbeat, but after forever of nothingness I can faintly hear a voice through the roar in my head. I remember. I love that voice. He grounds me with his kisses and tender touches. If I were to live for anyone, it would be him. Suddenly that beautiful voice is shouting, calling 'Alec!' Over and over again. 'Help!' He cries frantically, and I smile as his terrified face appears over me. His hair falls limply over his forehead as he screams into the silence.


	27. Crimson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATE THE SECOND HALF OF THIS CHAPTER ALEC’S EMOTIONAL RESPONSE IS ALL WRONG BUT IDK HOW TO CHANGE IT PLEASE DON’T JUDGE ME
> 
> Well this is the one you’ve been waiting for… I hope it comes as a surprise to at least a few of you, but if you worked it out then kudos to you.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Alec! Help!” Came a voice from inside the house. “Anyone? Please help!”   
My hands fumbled with the keys, jerking them around in the lock in panic, trying to force the key to turn. Magnus rested his hand on top of mine, and pulled my hands away before turning the key smoothly and opening the door.  
I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, taking them two at a time. “Hello?” There was no reply.  
I dashed between rooms, glancing inside briefly to see emptiness in most all of them. Room after room after room, all empty, all undisturbed, except by Church who was curled up on my parents’ large double bed.  
Finally, I ran up the next flight of stairs to Izzy’s attic bedroom and through to her bathroom. I froze, unable to move.  
Simon was on his knees, huddled over Izzy. He was trying to explain what was happening to someone on the phone without stuttering too much.   
Izzy was lying in a puddle of crimson blood that was slowly spreading across the bright white floor, her eyes closed and her face deathly pale, all trace of colour gone. Blood was dripping from Izzy’s arm, her hair soaked, her arm curving above her head. Her left forearm was a mess of lines, some pale and faded, some still red and puckered and some open. One ragged line stood out from the rest, right next to the crook of her elbow, wide and uneven. There were reddish brown stains on the sink, blood streaked in the distorted shape of handprints. They were on either side of the porcelain fitting and spotting the inside of the sink. And lying next to her was a blade, one of those rectangular ones you can buy from a hardware shop. There were layers upon layers of dried blood coating the blade and one layer of fresh, glistening blood on top of all of that.I had done first aid training, part of a program at my university to prepare their pupils for eventualities like this, but in that moment it rushed away from my mind, I couldn’t remember a thing.  
Simon was still answering questions as quickly as he could. His voice was shaking and he was stuttering on many of his words.   
“Female… 5’9… about 120 pounds… 20… Um… I think she’s on antidepressants at the moment… maybe… yeah… She’s made about 15 cuts on her inner arm, but there’s a really deep one, up by her elbow, like the blade was twisted, I’m not sure… just her left… it’s still bleeding… I don’t know, maybe 2, or 3 pints?... Yeah, she’s unconscious.”  
I registered Magnus brushing past me to kneel at Simon’s side, oblivious of the blood staining his clothes. Those were his favourite jeans, I remembered. He didn’t own a proper suit, but he had worn the smartest clothes he owned for the funeral, which was a plain button-down shirt, black jeans and a casual light grey jacket.  
He scanned her cuts quickly, then tore the jacket off and pressed it down along Izzy’s bleeding arm, wrapping his long fingers around Izzy’s bony forearm and clamping his hands so hard that his knuckles paled.  
“Magnus, is she breathing?” Simon asked shakily, and Magnus grimaced, trying to keep his grip on her arm at the same time as bending over to look for the rise and fall of her chest. He sat back in defeat, and looked up at me.  
“Alec, I need you to…” He trailed off when I failed to react. He gestured to Simon to carry on pressing the jacket to Izzy’s forearm, which he did awkwardly with one arm as he tried to carry on speaking to the person at the other end of 999.  
Magnus stood, and faced me, looking me straight in the eye. “Snap out of it,” He said sharply, grabbing my shoulder and pulling me towards Izzy. My legs felt like lead but they finally responded and jerkily carried me forwards. I was still in a dream like state as I followed Magnus’s instructions robotically, kneeling in the blood which, to my surprise, was much hotter than I had expected. I trapped Izzy’s arm between the tiles, slippery from blood, and the jacket which I was pressing onto her cuts as hard as I could. I felt a chill of terror before even a minute had passed as little red patches began to soak through.  
Magnus stepped away from me, bending over Izzy and going through a series of motions that were definitely familiar but I could barely remember what each was supposed to do.  
“She’s definitely breathing,” He murmured, which Simon then reiterated into the phone.  
After what seemed like hours of the four of us alone, an ambulance arrived. Simon directed them to the bathroom, and then we left Izzy alone in a room with three total strangers.   
Simon was stricken with worry and guilt as we stood outside the house, the same words running through my mind over and over.   
Please not again. I already lost Max. I can’t lose Izzy too. Please let her be okay, please.   
I didn’t even know who I was talking to. God? That was laughable. A non-existent being had no more control over Izzy’s well-being than I had over whether the sun would rise tomorrow morning.  
Magnus gasped, and I snapped back to reality to see the paramedics carrying Izzy on one of those neon yellow plastic stretchers. She was sprawled awkwardly on it, her legs sticking out at odd angles and her arms dangling limply off the sides. Bandages were wrapped so tightly around Izzy’s arm that, even though she was barely more than skin and bones, the flesh seemed to be spilling out the sides.  
“Please let me go with her, I’m her boyfriend,” Simon pleaded desperately, but one of the female paramedics shook her head.  
“No, absolutely not,” She said firmly, not even pausing to look at him, continuing to rush Izzy towards the open doors at the back of the ambulance.  
“But-”  
“If you care about her then you have to leave her with us.” Her expression softened. “I promise we will do everything in our power to help her.”  
“Okay,” Simon said weakly. I took a step towards the ambulance, but they had slammed the doors and sped off before I could say a word, the lights and sirens blaring loudly.  
\------  
Lil note: A&E means Accident and Emergency, and it’s the same as the emergency room/casualty. I have no idea what they call it outside of the UK and google is being unhelpful.  
A massive thank you to Holly0114, who gave me so much useful information about how hospitals work, and also gave me a couple of ideas of what to do on the medical side of things. Go check out her story, it’s an AU where Alec is a medical student.   
I’VE GOT SO MUCH ADRENALINE FROM KNOWING THAT THE REST OF THE CHAPTER IS GOING TO BE MEDICALLY CORRECT… I’M SO WEIRD.  
\------  
Someone was shaking my shoulder gently, bumping my other shoulder against a hard, uncomfortable corner.  
“Alec, wake up.”  
I cracked my eyes open, my eyelids sticking together. I rubbed the heel of my hand into my eye socket, and felt some of the sleep dust scrape out of my eyes and scratch against the skin of my nose. Blinding white lights filled my vision. I blinked, trying to adjust my eyes to the brightness.  
It was like I had a bad hangover. My surroundings were unfamiliar; it certainly wasn’t my bed with my cuddly boyfriend in it. It was too uneven, and my muscles were stiff from sleeping on the uncomfortable surface.  
“Alec,” Magnus said again, and I looked up at him, bare-faced, his clothes wrinkled. His white shirt had little red dots staining the front, and there were bags underneath his eyes.  
Then I remembered where I was, why the light was so bright, why the ‘bed’ I was sleeping on was so uncomfortable. I was spread across a window seat, my body curled up to fit in the cramped space, a scrunched up jumper under my head. Above me Magnus was holding two paper cups of steaming hospital coffee. I sat up slowly, trying to stop myself from falling apart.  
I accepted the drink with a weak smile, and Magnus sat down next to me. I took a sip, and wrinkled my nose at the cheap, slightly flavourless coffee. It was hot and had caffeine so I carried on drinking it.  
I remembered being in the waiting room for hours, late into the night. I had paced back and forth across the room endlessly. We had been the only ones in there, and it had been both a relief to not have to worry about anyone else in the room, but also a bit lonely. Magnus had left a few times to get us tea or food, but mostly he had just sat in the chair silently, and Simon had stayed in a chair, his face stony and his legs pulled up to his chest, listening to heavy metal music so loudly that I could easily hear it from across the room.  
It had been hours before I had finally stopped my restless pacing and sat down beside Magnus. I was so tired after Max’s funeral and a whole day of anger at both of my parents and grief for Max, that eventually the world glazed over and I stopped paying attention to what was happening around me. I stopped noticing the endless cycle of panic, anxiousness, assuagement of worry, and gratefulness. I just sat there as life went on, disconnected, waiting. I must have nodded off against Magnus’s shoulder, my tiredness finally creeping up on me unsuspected.  
“Did you get any sleep last night?” I asked, my voice shaking slightly.  
“A couple of hours, but I woke up around 4am,” Magnus rubbed his eyes wearily. “When I woke up you were curled up on the seat with your head halfway off my shoulder, so I gave you my jumper and left to go for a walk. I just needed to escape the building, go outside. When I got back I tried to see how she was doing. They wouldn’t tell me anything, they said she has to give consent.”  
“They would have told us if she had… right? It was probably because she was unconscious? Maybe she’s awake now.”  
I walked over to a mousy haired girl, only a little older than me, sitting behind a desk and typing on a computer. She barely looked up at me as I approached the desk, though she continued to type. She looked exhausted, possibly even more so than I did.  
“Er… excuse me?” I asked hesitantly.  
“Yes?” She asked.  
“Could you tell me how my sister is doing… Isabelle Lightwood?”  
The girl typed something into the computer and scanned the information, her eyes flicking back and forth across the screen.  
“She’s stable, she’s had a blood transfusion and vascular surgery. She regained consciousness about half an hour ago, but right now she’s asleep. Do you want to see her?”  
Izzy was going to be okay. The relief hadn’t quite hit me yet, and I was still stuck in the middle of being terrified that I would lose Izzy too. That she was going to be okay hadn’t really sunk in; I was feeling numbed, tired and like I barely had a grip of what was happening.  
I nodded. “Yeah, that would be great. Just give me a minute.” I walked back to Magnus.  
Magnus gave me a questioning look, obviously he hadn’t heard the exchange. I nodded at him. “She’s alright. I think I need to go home and get some new clothes, these ones have her blood on them.”  
“Okay,” Magnus said. He slipped his hand into mine, squeezing my fingers and I relaxed slightly.  
“Where’s Simon?” I asked suddenly, looking around and wondering how I hadn’t already noticed his absence.  
“He left to get changed about half an hour ago,” Magnus said. “He’s making me keep him updated.” He showed me his phone, where he had just sent a text.  
“Back to my house?” I asked.  
“Yeah. He told me he’s been staying there recently.”  
“Didn’t do much good, did it,” I muttered darkly. “It should have been me keeping an eye on her.”  
“Alec, stop. Don’t hold yourself accountable for this, it wasn’t your fault.”  
I sighed. “I know. Well, at least if he’s going there he’ll be able to explain to my parents about Izzy. They don’t know anything that’s happened.”  
“You don’t think it would be better coming from you?” Magnus asked.  
“God, no. Especially since we haven’t talked since they saw us at the funeral. They’d rip my head off before I got a chance to tell them anything.”  
“You’re probably right.” Magnus nodded in agreement. “Go on, I’ll wait. If Simon comes should I…”  
“Yeah, he should see her,” I said.  
“See you in a bit,” Magnus murmured with one last squeeze of my hand, and went to sit down.  
“Ready?” The girl asked.  
“Not really,” I said, and the girl smiled sympathetically.  
“Follow me.”  
Izzy was asleep when I walked in, her gaunt face peaceful and relaxed, the dark circles under her hollow eyes slightly less pronounced. Her dark hair was fanned out over the pillow, the once luscious curls limp and sad looking. Her hands were folded over her chest, the pale skin seeming to rest on the protuberant bones of her arms and shoulders loosely so that every shape was clearly defined.   
Her left arm had bandages wrapped around it, specks of blood showing through, but not much. There were a few tubes connected to her in various places, but aside from that, beneath the angular proportions and sickly paleness, I could still see the girl who had turned up days after I had gone on a date demanding all the details and forced me into skinny jeans. She was still there beneath the walls she had built up, but I had no idea how I was supposed to retrieve her from inside her shell.  
It was a bright day, the frozen sunlight streaming through the large window and throwing Izzy’s features into sharp relief, and illuminating the room with a cold, white light. There was a wooden folding chair leaning awkwardly against a wall and I moved it so I could sit beside the bed. I watched Izzy, the weak rise and fall of her chest under the shapeless, papery hospital gown, the slight twitching of her eyes behind her eyelids as she dreamed. I hoped they were good dreams. She lived enough of a nightmare while she was awake; she didn’t need it when she was asleep as well.  
It had been two months since Max’s death, and I had really started to feel better. With the help of the people around me I was healing, the hole blown through my chest partially filled so it didn’t feel like there was constantly something missing. I didn’t have to remind myself daily that I would never see his grey eyes mature from the small boy into the adult anymore.  
The grief I had felt after that loss had been raw, unbearable agony and loss. The thought of the pain that had haunted me immediately after still made me blanche when I thought of it. It was the denial of all the opportunities that I took for granted. It was a purely protective and selfless grief, felt entirely for Max, and the memory of him.  
This grief was different. Although I knew Izzy’s was going to live, the emotion of the night before was still imprinted in my brain clearly.  While I was terrified for her life and aching as I imagined the amount of pain she must have been in to do something as extreme as this, I was also selfish. I was scared for myself. I didn’t want to lose her; I needed her. I needed the girl who bounced up every few weeks and annoyed the shit out of me, but still managed to put a smile on my face through the entirety of my teenage years Through the lonely school days where I was the ‘emo kid’ and through the realization and coming to terms with my sexuality. She had been the person to make me happiest in the world, all the way up to the end of school. Leaving her behind had been the worst part of moving out. Magnus had blown in and stolen her act, making me happier than I ever imagined possible, and she had welcomed him with open arms and enthusiasm.  
I guess it’s true that the one’s you care about the most are the ones who hurt you the most, intentional or not.  
Izzy stirred as the trundle of wheels rattled past the door. I sat up straight, and leaned forward as her eyelids fluttered open.  
“Alec?” She whispered, her voice slightly hoarse.  
I smiled, a sudden feeling of elation gripping me. This was the relief. I could feel it. I was so happy. “Yeah, it’s me. How are you feeling?”  
“No,” She muttered. “I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be able to feel anything. I wanted to die. I didn’t want to be saved. I just wanted to escape.” Her voice was rising in pitch.  
“Izzy, calm down, please. You’re safe.” I covered her hand with mine to calm her down. I had to stop myself from flinching at the frailness of her fingers.  
She looked down at our hands in surprise. “It feels so real,” She murmured, almost too quietly for me to hear. “You don’t understand Alec, I…”  
“Then make me understand,” I interrupted. “What happened?”  
“I…” She trailed off, like she just didn’t know what to say. We sat in silence, while she tried to form words. “There’s just this hollowness, emptiness inside me. Not like I’ve lost something important, more like it was never there to begin with. I was so bitter, I hated everyone around me. It felt like everyone was conspiring against me, even the ones who loved me. I guess some part of me knew that you had done nothing wrong, because I didn’t want to lose anyone else, so I buried the resentment. I didn’t show emotions for a long time. I let them run wild, as long as it was inside the privacy of my own head, and outwardly just disconnected.”  
I stared at her. The bleakness of what she was describing was horrible. “You could have talked to me, to Simon, to anyone! You didn’t have to-”  
“Alec,” She said gently, and I stopped. “I couldn’t. The idea of talking to anyone was just so alien and unreasonable that I barely considered it.”  
I mulled over her words, and we lapsed back into silence. After a while I asked “Are you going to be okay?”  
Izzy paused. “Yes,” She answered, but her voice was off slightly. At my doubtful expression she carried on talking. “Really Alec, I will. I promise this won’t happen again. I can handle this. I can get better.”  
She dragged her delicate fingers through her thin hair, the ragged edges of the bitten down nails catching slightly, and chewed the inside of her cheek. It was what she did when she was agitated and needed to spend some of the nervous energy. I did it too.  
It was also what she did when she was lying.  
I couldn’t let her go this easily, not when I wasn’t absolutely sure this wouldn’t happen a second time. I couldn’t let her go through this again, mutilate her body permanently, and that was only the external effects. Who knew what repercussions this would have on the inside, whether she would suffer from the consequences for the rest of her life. If it happened again, I didn’t know if she would ever escape her actions.  
She failed to stifle a yawn, and I realised how much this simple conversation must be draining her.  
“I’ll leave you to sleep,” I said, and moved the folding chair back to the wall, leaving it folded in the same place it was before.  
Izzy looked partly relieved and partly upset. “Okay,” She said helplessly. I crossed the room to give her a light hug, trying not to squeeze too hard. She was so fragile it was like she would break at the tiniest move.   
“Thank you,” She added quickly just before I left.  
I opened the door to see Simon with his hand on the door handle. He looked surprised to see me, his eyes wide behind his nerd glasses. I stood aside to let him in, patting his shoulder encouragingly.  
“I think she’s quite tired, try not to exhaust her too much,” I muttered to him as we passed.  
Simon nodded and we locked eyes. There was a silent agreement to prevent anything worse happening communicated between us.  
I turned back to look at my sister, taking in her hollow eyes with their dark circles and bony features. From that moment, I vowed never to take anyone for granted again.  
“Bye Iz,” I said, before closing the door with a loud click.


	28. Separation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmm.... so....I may.... have forgotten.... about AO3..... sorry about that.....  
> This is a long time coming (at least 3 months I think) but at some point I forgot I was meant to be posting these chapters on AO3 as well as FF.net sooooo... yeah. Anyway I'm posting the rest of this story all in one go so I hope you enjoy (and aren't too mad at me)
> 
> From now on I'm including the notes from the original chapters that I put up on FF.net :)
> 
> \-------
> 
> Next chapter will be the last before the epilogue *crying* so brace yourselves for the overflowing cuteness, only teensey tiny bits of angst left (You know me ;) )
> 
> Enjoy!

Magnus and I eventually settled upon being long distance. I wanted him to stay where he was and finish off his time with his friends rather than completely uproot himself for me. After many back and forth negotiations, he agreed to stay behind, moving in with Ragnor, Cami and Will. I would go to London, move back in with my parents and take care of Izzy. I would go back to Magnus as soon as I possibly could, but if in three months Izzy was still showing no signs of recovery, or I at least felt that the situation still wasn’t stable enough that my constant supervision wasn’t needed, we would talk again.  
After the fight with my parents we headed back home. I begun to pack up my things, still waiting for Maryse to call me with Robert’s permission. After three days of total silence, she called me to let me know that Robert would let me live in their house, but I was to never see Magnus again. Obviously, that was out of the question; I wasn’t going to break up with Magnus over my parents’ homophobia, but it would require us to hide in secret. Over the next few days the flat we had shared for such a short period of time was slowly emptied of our belongings. By the end of the week, the walls were bare, the living room a mess of cardboard boxes and black bin bags filled with random detritus found below the sofa and down the side of the bed.  
On the final night before I was due to leave we got Indonesian takeout and sat cross legged on the floor as we ate.  
“So, what do we do now?” Magnus asked quietly, discarding the empty takeout containers in a black bin bag. “Just lie down together to sleep next to each other for the last time in months?”  
I looked up at his anxious face and sighed, taking his hand and pulling him down to sit beside me. I rested one hand against the side of his face and stroked along his arching cheekbone with my thumb. “It doesn’t have to be that long. An opportunity for us to see each other might come up.”  
“But it’s still going to be a long time. A long time to be apart. What happens if we can’t be apart? If our relationship falls apart when we aren’t together?” Magnus’s voice rose in pitch slightly. “You have to go, there’s no question in that, I’m just… I’m scared.”  
Magnus had never seemed this vulnerable to me before, laying his fears out in front of him for me to see. He was usually so strong, this side of him rarely made an appearance. “Magnus, I promise it will be fine.” I could feel a lump in my throat, because despite all of my reassurances what Magnus had said had hit harder than I could let on. There was a small voice in the back of my head that had been whispering the same thing for days.  
I blinked away the heat in my eyes to look at his face, swallowing when I saw a silvery tear track running down his cheek. Magnus looked away, brushing the tears away with his hand. I caught his wrist. “Don’t,” I said. “Don’t hide from me, please.”  
He sniffed. “Sorry.”  
“Come on, this is our last night. We shouldn’t be crying together; we should be making the most of it.”  
We lay side by side late into the night, limbs intertwined, minds tangling. I nearly forgot everything that was bad in the aura of warmth and love that had surrounded that one perfect, final night.  
That was five weeks ago, and that level of contentment seemed alien, unattainable, as though from a blissful dream you couldn’t quite remember the contents of, only the wonderful feeling it created.  
Now, I sat around a table with my parents, my sister and Simon, eating spaghetti bolognaise and avoiding attention. This was particularly hard considering Izzy’s once bubbly extroverted persona had inverted to almost utter silence, and Simon was still terrible at talking to my parents. My most successful tactic thus far had been to bounce the conversation back onto my parents and listening in faked interest as they spoke.  
Through my aunt, Jia Penhallow, I had managed to get an unpaid internship. Predictably, my parents disapproved.  
“Internships are just a way for companies to get someone to make the tea and photocopy documents for free, Alexander,” Robert said, using his best ‘management consultant’ voice, while Maryse nodded in agreement. “You should be aiming higher, especially when you know we can help you achieve this.” He gestured between Maryse and himself. Robert had apparently forgotten all about the fight, although he flinched away from my contact almost imperceptibly and sounded like he was talking through me rather than to me when he spoke. “Jia Penhallow is a perfectly respectable person to work for, if a little too liberal, and if you manage to get a real job with her then that is perfectly acceptable, but you are capable of so much more.”  
“Thanks,” I muttered, and Robert, displeased by the dismissal, changed the subject.  
“So my nephew, your cousin, Mark, is engaged. My sister emailed me the news today, it’s to that dark-skinned Spanish girl.”  
“Christina, and she’s Mexican,” I said irritated at my father’s flippant dismissal of her.  
“Yes, that one,” Robert said indifferently. “Anyway, the girl appears to be pregnant which I assume is the reason for their sudden engagement. A shame the same thing could not be said for his elder sister, Helen.”  
Helen and her wife, Aline, had been happily married for years now, and had already made their disinterest in having children clear. To my family it was the nail in her coffin, not only had she broken up with her boyfriend to be with a girl, she was now refusing to conform to tradition and have children, however unconventional their upbringing would be.  
I had always found it amusing how they had met. Eleanor Blackthorn, Helen’s mother, was Robert’s sister and Patrick Penhallow, Aline’s father, was my mother’s brother. At a large, expensive family party my parents had thrown they had crossed paths. After an hour of conversation, they were relieved to find out they were not actually related by blood only distantly by marriage. It was only a few months after that they announced their engagement and invited their closest friends away to the south of France to get married in secret, away from their stuff family. Izzy and I had both been invited, and it was beautiful and such an inspiration to my confused seventeen-year-old self. Here was this unconventional lesbian couple, and they had met through my traditional homophobic parents. Irony upon irony.  
“She’s just confused; she’ll change her mind eventually,” Maryse said, and I choked back a laugh at her words; the exact words that had been said years before when Helen had come out as pansexual (after my parents had ordered Izzy to google the word for them) (A/N: Pansexuality is the attraction towards all gender identities). “Who wouldn’t want to have children?”  
I rolled my eyes at Izzy and Simon, conveying my exasperation. The assumption that just because they didn’t want to have children they were broken or confused or living an unfulfilled life was so typical of my judgemental parents.  
I stood up and began to gather up the plates, putting an end to the conversation as everyone else followed suit and began to help clear up in silence, aside from the clatter of china plates as they were put in the dishwasher. The second the kitchen and dining room were tidy Izzy, Simon and I excused ourselves to trundle up the stairs. I muttered goodbye to Simon and Izzy as I went to my room and closed the door behind me, sighing in relief at the solitude.  
I checked my watch. Two hours until Magnus got off work. The café he had been working at had shut down for good but he had managed to get another job working as an assistant teacher at the local primary school. He was doing everything from taking the register, to teaching French from a textbook he didn’t understand a thing about, to helping seven year olds splat paint across pieces of paper in artful patterns.  
I messed around on my computer, tidying up my iTunes, going through my massive photo library and deleting photos that were redundant. It amused me to see that there was a point, very early on, where the photos of family and school friends taken months apart from each other suddenly transformed into a block of pictures of me and Magnus, with occasional pictures of essay assignments I had taken photos of from my peers, photos of Max that my parents had posted on Facebook and snapshots from Izzy’s Instagram. There were selfies Magnus had taken when he had stolen my phone. I deleted as many as I could bear to, screenshots of snippets of text conversation or Snapchats, photos he had snapped of me when I wasn’t looking, or I was asleep. Almost ninety percent of the photos I could remember the exact location and circumstances of it being taken, but not who had taken it, or who’s phone it had been taken on. Our photo albums had merged at some point in the last six months.  
I ended up making a special album for pictures of Magnus, or the two of us together, and laughed when I saw that I had a total of 835 photos on my laptop, and there were 574 in the ‘Malec’ album, as I had named it.  
Izzy knocked on the door and poked her head around tentatively. I pulled my headphones out and shut my laptop, gesturing at her to come in. She entered, not with the bounce she had once had, but the heaviness that had been there only a week ago was lessened, as though her load had been, if only partially, alleviated. She climbed onto the foot of my bed, crossing her legs and perching there somewhat awkwardly. It was a familiar sight, one that had been repeated many times through my teenage years.  
“How’s Magnus?” Izzy asked after a deafening silence. She knew how Magnus was, she had asked me before.  
“Fine, enjoying his new job a lot. Turns out he loves working with little kids.”  
She bit her lip. “Are you guys okay? What with being apart and all.”  
“Yeah, I guess it’s pretty hard. Obviously we’ve spent more than a week apart before, like when he went to visit his parents in Dubai for Christmas, but this time it was much, much worse because I knew that there wasn’t a day in the very near future which I would get to see him again.”  
“But you guys still talk and stuff?”  
“Yeah, when we can. Magnus’s job often runs later than he expects, but  there’s usually time in the evening for us to catch up. Even if it’s just a text exchange, or a full blown hour long phone conversation, that’s… not even close to enough, but it makes everything a bit better.”  
She sighed. “It’s just… I wanted to apologise, to you and Magnus for what I’m doing to you guys. And for what I’m doing to your lives in general. Your degree, your friends, you’ll have to graduate a year later than everyone else. It’s all for me, so thank you. You being here helps me more than I can say.”  
I smiled sadly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”  
Izzy smiled at me hesitantly, as though she was unsure whether I was being truly honest with her.  
“Come here,” I said grinning and pulling her into a tight bear hug, kissing the top of her black curls. After a moment I realised Izzy was breathing shallowly and immediately loosened my hold and let her go, apologising with my eyes and brushing my hands against her forearms lightly. Understanding, she pushed her sleeves up to her elbows and bared her wrists. I was sure Simon was seeing far more of her bare skin on a regular basis, but it still reassured me to see there were no new scars to overlay the old ones, which had lost their red, swollen look and faded to thin silver lines.  
I remembered the two or so weeks after I got there. Izzy had improved from the reclusive emotionless robot I had spoken to in the hospital, but not by much. That was the hardest period, because Izzy practically had to be under constant supervision, and couldn’t be trusted to be at all independent. Now, after prescription antidepressants and an expensive private therapist, along with the constant company of Simon, me, various close school friends, and some cousins, she was doing much better.  
“Simon and I were going to watch a movie in my room. You want to join?” she offered.  
“What movie?” I asked suspiciously. I was not being roped into watching The Notebook again, not after Magnus had made me sit through the entire thing. Of course, with his added commentary about how hot Ryan Gosling was – Something I suspected was just to tease me. He succeeded, and my ego had needed a certain boost after being made so jealous, something he was more than happy to facilitate.  
“ _About Time ___,” Izzy said.  
“Hmph,” I grumbled, although secretly I was quite pleased. Despite my moaning, rom-coms were my secret favourite. I sighed dramatically. “Fine.”  
Izzy smiled immediately, a trace of excitement in her eyes. “Yay! Meet you upstairs in a minute.”  
I checked my watch, and my heart did a little happy somersault. Magnus’s work was over. “I’ll be up in a while; I’m just going to call Magnus. Start without me, I’ll pick up from the middle.”  
“Okay,” Izzy said, jumping off the bed and leaving the room, courteously shutting the door behind her so my parents wouldn’t hear my conversation.  
I pulled out my phone, but as I checked for new notifications I saw a text from 3 minutes ago I had missed.  
**Making me stay late :( I’ll call you as soon as I get off. Love you <3 ****  
**I sighed heavily and trudged upstairs to Izzy’s room where Simon and Izzy were canoodling on her mini sofa. Izzy’s legs were slung over his lap and their noses were nearly touching, although they weren’t quite kissing to make allowance for watching the movie. A while ago PDA from my sister and Simon had been, quite frankly, the most horrible sight I could imagine. Now I was just happy to see her eyes blown up large with love, her dimples reminded me of Max’s, and her face was set in such a state of contentment.  
“Hey,” I said gloomily as the Richard Curtis film began to play and the main character’s narration began. “Magnus had to stay late at work.”  
“Aw, that sucks. I’m sure he’ll call you later,” Izzy reassured as Simon grimaced sympathetically.  
We sat and watched the movie together. Although I didn’t have a problem with Izzy and Simon’s affection anymore, I still sat at the opposite end of the sofa and they respectfully kept the PDA to a minimum. Still, they leaned against each other comfortably and every so often, one of them would move to brush a strand of hair out of the other’s eye, or rub the other’s leg affectionately. This only made Magnus’s absence more prominent and I tried my hardest not to stare at them too long.  
The main character had just met his love interest when my phone began to ring and Izzy and Simon smiled encouragingly as I hurried out of the room and into mine, locking the door behind me and collapsing onto the bed before answering the phone.  
“Hi,” I said breathlessly.  
“Hi,” Magnus said, sounding amused. “Sorry I had to work late.”  
“Don’t worry about it, I just needed to hear your voice.”  
“Me too,” Magnus said softly. “So, what are you doing at the moment?”  
“My parents are being assholes, as usual.”  
“I’m sorry, baby,” Magnus sympathised, and I could hear the frown on his face.  
“It’s fine, let’s not talk about it though. How was your day?”  
“Great,” Magnus said enthusiastically. “It’s exhausting working with the kids, they’re just so energetic! But I love it. The whole ‘get an art gallery’ just seems like a kind of naïve fantasy now, and I’m fairly sure this is what I want to do. I was thinking about getting a teacher qualification next year.”  
“That’s great!” It made me so happy to hear his voice this elated, and I couldn’t help but smiling. “What would you teach?”  
“Probably everything. History, geography, maths, English. Art if they let me. Primary schools aren’t fussed about what you know, it’s if you can teach it to the kids that’s important.”  
“It all sounds like it’s going amazingly. I bet the kids love you.”  
“I think so,” Magnus said, uncharacteristically modest. “What about you. Apart from the asshole parents, anything happening?”  
“I’m watching this film on Netflix called About Time with Simon and Izzy, have you heard of it?”  
“Yeah, it’s really cute.”  
“Also I sorted through all our photos on my laptop. I even made a specific album for us.”  
“How weird,” I could hear his smile through his tone of voice. “I have one as well. I have a playlist too.”  
I chuckled, my heart melting a little. “I love you, Magnus.”  
“I love you too.”  
We continued on for another half an hour, just talking about everything and nothing.  
When I made my way back into Izzy’s room I was considerably more cheerful. As I walked in Izzy and Simon were giggling and Izzy was nuzzling into Simon’s chest as he rubbed her back. While Magnus and I could do most of what we wanted over the phone and skype, the absence of the physical aspect of our relationship wasn’t fun. I didn’t just mean sex. I missed the casual touches, the knowledge I could reach out and take Magnus’s hand. We could cuddle and watch TV, or fall asleep in each other’s arms.  
I sighed. There was nothing I could do right now, and I wanted to stay a little longer with Izzy, just in case. When Izzy was really okay I would have forever to spend with Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Edited at midnight (My time, not hers, luckily!) by JelloDVDs. (2017 me: She's on AO3 too and still currently posting stuff, go check her out!)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! (Apart from the epilogue) Here we go :D Enjoy!

My overly cautious self had been teetering on the edge for days, but it was when Izzy dragged me shopping to buy me new clothes, dashing into various shops to admire pairs of shoes or tops, dragging me behind her by the wrist, that I decided she would be fine without me. I trusted Simon more and she seemed so much better than she had been when I had first arrived.  
I told Magnus immediately, and he was ecstatic. Living in London was a given; both of us wanted to be there and while I was confident in Izzy’s mental health, I still wasn’t keen on being hours away from her. I began to quietly search for jobs, aware of the extreme costs of living in London. I was also attempting to transfer to UCL. Magnus was doing the same, his ambitions now firmly set on teaching and getting a teaching degree.  
It had now been over two months since I had actually seen Magnus in person and, despite our regular texts, phone calls and facetimes, I missed him. That was why, when my parents both announced that they were going out of town on different business meetings – Robert to New York, Maryse to Paris – I pounced on this opportunity and invited Magnus to visit.  
I felt giddy with excitement and adrenaline coursed through me for the entire day. I pictured the moment we would reunite, the image running through my mind on a loop. I checked my watch every five minutes and sent endless excited texts to him. I fidgeted so much that Izzy had to tell me to sit on my hands and I was reminded of when my maths teacher used to tell me to sit still, which of course, brought my mind straight back to Magnus.  
Along with the intense excitement came the nervousness. What if the months apart had driven an invisible wedge between us and it would only be apparent once we were face to face, rather than screen to screen? What if it was awkward?  
“Alec, tell your brain to shut up,” Izzy ordered, and I looked up at her in surprise. My feet had been on autopilot for the last 5 minutes, instinctively following Simon and Izzy.  
“How did you-”  
“I can read your mind,” she joked. “Woooo creepy,” she said, waving her hands around. “You’re the most obvious person ever. Also, you have your ‘Magnus face’ on.”  
“I do not!” I protested.  
“Yes you do. Now stop worrying. It’ll be fine, I promise.” When I looked unconvinced she rolled her eyes. “If other couples manage to do this for years, you can do it for a couple of months.” She still bit her lip sympathetically. I knew she felt guilty for impacting my normal university experience.  
“Thanks.”  
“We’ll give you some space when we get there,” Izzy said, and I noticed Simon and Izzy’s linked hands. I felt an aching longing and smiled. I only needed to survive – I checked my watch – thirteen more minutes.  
Izzy had wanted to see Magnus too and while I would have preferred to have a little more privacy, Izzy peering around the corner was not ideal, I did not begrudge her the opportunity to see Magnus again. Anything that made her happy was a victory now. The memory of when a smile was a rare and usually faked phenomenon still haunted us and it made every moment of happiness all the more precious.  
Finally, we reached the station and Izzy and Simon left to go and probably make out in an alleyway, with only a brief “See you later!” before they left.  
I finally stood alone, waiting on the pavement outside the entrance to the station, nervously tapping my knee as I watched the clock intently. I ran my hands through my hair. Did it look okay? Did my breath smell? Were my clothes okay?  
I bit my lip and internally scolded myself. I had to stop worrying. There was only 2 minutes left until Magnus’s train arrived. Suddenly a voice was calling my name and I looked up in surprise to see Magnus hurrying towards me. My feet carried me forward automatically and then we were kissing. His actual, physical lips were touching mine. His strong arms were around my shoulders, the worn leather of his jacket was smooth against my hands.  
“Oh my God. You’re here. You’re actually here.” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. I willed myself not to cry, pushing away the feeling of incredible relief and joy.  
“Alexander-” Magnus opened his mouth to reply, but I couldn’t resist kissing him again and tugged on the lapels of his jacket. He melted into our embrace, sagging against me as he cradled my face gently as our lips met again, and again, and again, and again.  
He gently stroked his thumbs under my eyes, brushing away the moisture clinging to my eyelashes. “Aku cinta kamu,” he said and I choked a teary laugh.  
“Aku mencintaimu kamu,” I replied thickly. “So much,” I added and we both laughed.  
I buried myself in his embrace for another few minutes. I had gotten into the habit of using Magnus’s shampoo and spraying the room with Magnus’s deodorant to try and simulate his scent. It had been like smelling home, but this was so much better. There was always an aspect that was impossible to replicate and now that I had the real thing I had no idea how I ever thought my cheap imitation came even close.  
Nearby, a girl cleared her throat loudly and I opened my eyes to see Izzy beaming at us. “Come on, lovebirds. We’re going for a walk.”  
Magnus was taken aback by Izzy’s cheery welcome. The last time he had seen her had been when she was still at a low point in her recovery and the contrast must have been astonishing to him. He recovered quickly and nodded in agreement, taking my hand and following her lead.  
\-----  
The sound of the water gently lapping up against the embankment punctuated the silences. The air was filled with the scent of fertiliser on the plants and the slightly salty, impurity of the murky Thames water. A few feeble snowdrops were still bravely holding out, but they were about to be outshone by the buds on bushes that looked fit to burst with colour. It was the weird transition period between winter and spring and , where the air is still cold and biting, but you can see hints of the approaching warmth and colourful flora beginning to show themselves.  
“So, Alec and I have something to tell you,” Magnus started.  
“Wait, let me guess,” Izzy held her hands up to stop Magnus. “You’re getting married?”  
Simon raised his eyebrows at her in a ‘seriously?’ kind of way.  
We both laughed awkwardly. “Not yet, my dear,” Magnus chuckled and I blushed.  
“We’re getting a flat together in London,” I supplied.  
“Aw, come on Alec! I wanted to guess,” Izzy moaned, but she was grinning, which slightly detracted from the seriousness of her words. “But anyway, go on.”  
“Alec is going to transfer to UCL and finish off his degree and I’m planning on getting a proper teaching qualification so I can start to work as a proper teacher, rather than an assistant one.”  
“That’s great,” Simon said, clapping me on the arm.  
Izzy beamed. “I’m so happy for you guys. But how are you going to pay for it? It’s crazy expensive to live in London.”  
“I guess we’ll work it out. We’ll work as much as we can and there’s always that massive bank account in my name that mum and dad have set up for me. I can always dip into that if there’s an emergency. A month’s rent would barely make a dent in it.”  
Izzy nodded and Simon caught her eye. They seemed to be having some kind of non-verbal conversation and eventually they came to an agreement. “Actually, Simon and I were also planning on leaving mum and dad’s place soon too. We’ll be heading back up to Edinburgh in September, so we only need a place for a few months, but what do you guys think about getting a place together? It’s cheaper, and we might as well.”  
Simon nodded in agreement, and I looked at Magnus, reading his expression. “That sounds amazing Izzy. I would love to; I just want to think about it for a day or something. You know me, I’m way too cautious not to do a solid day of googling before I agree to anything too major.”  
Magnus looked a little surprised, rolling his eyes at me affectionately. He was obviously all for the idea.  
Izzy sighed dramatically and looked at Simon. “Well, if this actually happens I guess you and I are going to have to start learning how to keep quiet at night.”  
Simon looked indignant and Magnus raised his eyebrows. “I think it might be harder for us. Alec is much louder than you would expect when in the… throes of passion.”  
I spluttered indignantly and turned tomato red while Izzy doubled over with laughter. I was actually trying to hide how much even thinking about myself in the ‘throes of passion’ with Magnus had affected me. I willed myself to ignore the sudden rush of blood to less appropriate places and tried to think as unsexy thoughts as possible.  
“Alec, you okay?” Izzy asked. “Because you look kind of constipated,” she added helpfully.  
I breathed deeply. “I’m fine.”  
“Trying not to think about something?” Magnus whispered sultrily in my ear and I took a deep breath to calm myself. Suddenly I had an idea. Two could play at that game.  
Magnus had his leather jacket slung over his shoulder and using it as cover I slid closer to him and slid my hand into his back pocket, enjoying the surprised little intake of breath he took. He responded to my taunting smile with a smirk, so I squeezed and Magnus’s eyes widened as his smile vanished, his lips parting and his eyelashes fluttering.  
Abruptly I remembered that we had an audience and I immediately removed my hand and retreated, placing a good foot of space between me and Magnus. Izzy looked like she was trying not to laugh and knew exactly what was going on.  
“You know what Simon? I really feel like getting some coffee. You want to go to Starbucks?”  
“But I-” he started, but was silenced by a not-so-subtle elbow to his side and kick to his heel. “Good idea,” he said, catching on. “See you guys later.”  
I grimaced at his retreating form and turned back to Magnus. “Do you want to go home?”  
“That depends,” Magnus whispered. “Are your parents there. I don’t mind having a homophobic bigoted audience, but it sounds less than ideal.”  
I laughed, my voice a little higher pitched than usual. “They’re both out of town.”  
“Oh good,” said Magnus. “We have the whole house to ourselves.”  
\------  
The second the door closed behind us Magnus had me pinned against the wall with his body. He kissed me forcefully, sliding his tongue in before I had even got my bearings. I ran my hands through his hair, which was so much silkier and softer than I remembered and had grown at least an extra inch since I last saw him, and tugged on it, pulling a groan from Magnus’s throat.  
He ran the tip of his tongue along the roof of my mouth and I gasped, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his lips down harder onto mine, nibbling on his lower lip. His lips drifted to the corner of my mouth and across my jaw to my earlobe, which he used his mouth to play with for a few seconds, dipping his tongue into my ear and making me giggle. Within seconds he moved away and started kissing his way down my neck, sucking skin into his mouth hard enough that it was almost painful.  
“We… have… to… go… upstairs…” I managed between hard breaths, and tried to pull him up the stairs behind me, while keeping our lips connected. Our lips disconnected as Magnus tripped over a stair and fell on top of me, his head thudding against my stomach. The hard wood of the stair connected painfully with my back, but I ignored it. Magnus shimmied up my body so he could reach my lips and continued to kiss me. I surrendered myself to the contact for a few minutes, forgetting about the inconvenient location, or that Izzy had keys and could walk in at any minute.  
Oh yeah. Izzy. The reminder that Izzy really could walk in at any minute grounded me and I stood up again and took the stairs two at a time, Magnus hot on my heels. I grabbed his hand and led him into my room, where I kicked the door shut with my foot and pushed Magnus towards the bed. The back of his knees connected with the edge of the bed and he fell back, his hair spread around his head messily. I admired him for a heartbeat; stared at the way his eyes were wide with want and the dark, bruised colour of his lips, swollen from kisses.  
A few hours later we were still lying in the bed, still tangled together. We barely noticed the sky darkening until the sun had fully set. I suddenly noticed how dark the room was and got up to turn on a lamp on my desk. I wasn’t gone long and slid back into the warm bed as quickly as I could.  
“We should probably get up. We have to emerge someday,” I said. Magnus raised his eyebrows at me, and rolled over so he was lying on top of me. “You know what? I think I’m fine staying here.”  
“Are you really?” Magnus laughed, but then he sighed. “You’re right though. I have to go book a room in a cheap B&B before they get all booked up.”  
I laughed softly. “It’s the middle of March. Nowhere is going to be fully booked when the weather is this shit.”  
“Lazy,” Magnus said, throwing a pillow at me and getting up to get dressed. I rolled my eyes and stood up. I was unable to resist coming up behind him and kissing along the side of his neck gently. Magnus turned around and kissed me lightly once, then pulled away to pull on his boxer briefs and jeans.  
We trundled down the stairs quietly, fully clothed but in no way presentable. Magnus’s hair was messy, both of our lips were swollen and I was walking slightly stiffly. Halfway down I heard voices coming from the kitchen, the bright white light spilling out onto the dark hallway, and I froze. Magnus looked at me in concern and I mouthed ‘Robert’ at him. It was Robert’s voice coming from the kitchen, despite the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be arriving until the next morning.  
I tried to tiptoe down the stairs and push Magnus out the front door, but Robert came out of the kitchen just before I could open the door and both sides froze. Robert looked more surprised than angry for a second, but fury overtook his features within a matter of moments and he stormed towards me, his face red with anger.  
“WHAT-” he began, but I cut him off.  
“You know what, dad? It doesn’t matter what you fucking think because I’m moving out. And guess what that means? I can fuck him whenever I damn well want, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. So you can go fuck yourself. Goodbye.”  
With that I pulled Magnus by the hand out the door and slammed it behind me and ran until my childhood house was out of sight. Magnus looked concerned and rubbed my back as we regained our breath. I wasn’t sure what he expected me to do, start crying? Instead I started laughing gleefully and kissed Magnus. “That felt amazing,” I laughed. “Forget him. Let’s start the rest of our lives and may they be as uneventful as possible because these last few months have been complete and utter hell, and I could do with a break.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… only the epilogue to go. Now is your last chance to tell me what you think of this story as a WIP; as of next Sunday it will be a completed story! Please leave a comment if you liked this chapter! I don’t think non-writer readers really understand how fucking incredible it is when you get a comment, even if it’s a ‘great story mate’ kind of comment that is only three words long. On my WhatsApp group chat (More about that next week, you are about to be flooded with fic recommendations) there is a lot of ‘OMG I GOT THIS AMAZING REVIEW/COMMENT’ and we all fangirl over it for a few minutes. Comments are amazing. I want to know if you liked the story. I want to know if you absolutely hated it and thought it was a total piece of trash (That’s fine btw, I think that on a regular basis).


	31. Epilogue - The Eye of the Storm

~April 8, 2017~

Izzy, Simon, Magnus and I were sitting at a battered old round wooden table in our shared flat eating vegetable lasagna. Simon being a vegetarian limited the range of dishes we could cook when Simon ate with us. Since Izzy insisted on us having as many meals together as possible the amount of meat in my diet had dropped dramatically. There were only two ground rules. The first was Izzy’s idea and it meant no sex outside the bedroom if anyone else was at home. The second rule was that under absolutely no circumstances  would Izzy be allowed to enter the kitchen. Not even just to make a cup of tea, let alone preparing a meal.  
Down the hallway from the little room that housed our dining table, sofa, and TV  were three doors, each leading to a bedroom. Simon’s Xbox was stashed in the cupboard the TV balanced precariously on. Magnus and I were on the left, Izzy and Simon on the right, and the central door lead to a spare room filled with cardboard boxes that we were procrastinating unpacking. There was a worn out double bed there just in case anyone wanted to sleep here for the night and squeezed into the corner was a tiny desk which we used if any of us needed to do work.  
Magnus had succeeded in getting a maternity cover job teaching at a little primary school 20 minutes’ walk away from our flat. He wasn’t going to start for another week or so since he had to wait for school Easter holidays to end. I was working at the bottom of a large corporate company but I would have to quit my job in order to finish my final year. I was hoping that once my final year was over I would be able to return to the same company and begin to work my way up the corporate ladder.   
I checked the bank account my parents had set up for me to discover that the figure was significantly less than the last time I had checked. Given that my parents also had control over the account it was no mystery what had happened to the money. My suspicions were confirmed when I asked Izzy and she told me that a couple of days after Max’s funeral her figure had more than doubled. It appeared Max’s entire inheritance had been given to Izzy, and on top of that, money had been transferred from me to her. I wasn’t massively bothered;. I had enough to live on until I could get a job but when Izzy found out what happened she had scoffed and insisted on evening out the difference. It had certainly raised some eyebrows at the bank when she made her request.  
Izzy complimented Simon and Magnus on their cooking with a grin and Simon made a cheeky jab at her lack of cooking skills. hey dissolved into laughter. What Izzy and Simon didn’t know – or perhaps they did know but they were feigning ignorance – was that exactly a year ago today Magnus and I had first met. The 8th of April was our one-year anniversary.  
Eventually plates were cleared and surfaces were wiped down and we were allowed to retreat into our rooms.  
“I can’t believe it’s been a year,” Magnus grinned, and I smiled.  
“Me neither. It does feel like yesterday, doesn’t it?” I looped my arms loosely around Magnus’s neck.  
“Mmm,” Magnus agreed, his voice sounding distinctly like a purring cat. “A very good yesterday.”  
“The best thing that ever happened to me,” I said, and Magnus nodded his agreement.  
I lifted my head as Magnus simultaneously lowered his, and our lips met.

~August 13, 2018~

“Good birthday?” I asked, concealing my grin as Magnus sighed and rested his hand over his stomach. He leant back into the leather of the pub booth seat and closed his eyes.  
“I’m not sure I ever want to eat again,” Magnus said, sleepily.  
“Me neither,” I agreed. “We’ve probably eaten enough for a small army.”  
“More like a small country.”  
Underneath the table I linked my hand with his, and squeezed it. He opened his eyes to look at me quizzically.  
“Come on, I still have to give you my present.”  
Magnus rolled his eyes and grumbled good naturedly as I pulled him by the hand into the lantern lit garden. It was larger than most pub gardens, stretching out for at least 200 yards. It was more like a park than a garden. Trees lined the edges. There was a small pond and an old swinging bench hanging from trees that overlooked the dark water that was smooth as a mirror and reflected the bright moon. It was quiet, aside from the muted chatter and music coming from the entrance to the pub. I pointed at the horizon where elaborate fireworks were going off.  
“They’re beautiful, Alexander. Although I’m not sure you arranged those to go off specifically for me,” he turned to face me, and took an abrupt step back. The sight that greeted him was certainly a spectacular one. I knelt before, my arm outstretched holding a thick silver band.  
“Magnus Bane-” I started, hardly able to contain my grin as Magnus covered his mouth with his hands. “Will you marry me?”  
Magnus was silent for a few seconds, his eyes wide, his mouth forming a perfect O. I felt a sudden spark of panic. He wasn’t saying anything. Did he not want to get married? It had been at least 3 seconds since I’d said it and he was still silent. Maybe this was a stupid idea.  
Then all thoughts fled my mind as Magnus flung himself at me, throwing his arms around my neck and squeezing me tight to him.  
“Is that-” I strained through his constricting embrace. “Is that a yes?”  
“Yes,” Magnus said, tears coming to his eyes. “Always.”  
Engraved in the metal was an emblem of flames. “Lightwood,” he whispered, and turning it in his fingers he noticed tiny writing on the inside. The writing read, ‘Aku Cinta Kamu.’   
Magnus laughed in delight. “It’s beautiful. I love you.”  
“Do you want to try it on?” I gestured to the ring.  
Magnus wiped under his eyes. “Of course.” I handed it to him and he slipped it on.  
He slipped it on and admired it for a second, before catching me completely unawares with a kiss.  
“I have to tell Izzy you said yes. She’ll kill me if I don-”  
“Shut up and kiss me,” Magnus smiled and I did just that. Through my closed eyelids I could see the bright flashes of light from the fireworks reflecting off the surface of the pond.

It is near impossible to understand how you could be physically and mentally healthy yet so distraught and terrified for another human being. After all of the pain and heartache had numbed, I can clearly see the finer details of my experience. Nothing bad ever happened directly to me, it was always other people’s pain that I was feeling. When my little brother died I was in agony but it wasn’t for me. It was for him, the loss of opportunities, for the other people who might miss him too, for Magnus having to see me in such pain. I was heartbroken to never be able to see my brother again but my pain was always for those other than myself. It was the same for Izzy when I first saw her lying deathly pale in a pool of her own crimson blood. I was desperate not to lose her for myself but I was so horrified and upset to discover what was happening inside her head that my heart ached for her, not me.  
It’s like standing motionless as life around you is ripped to pieces. The universe having no mercy.   
I was standing in the eye of the storm as the tempest raged around me.  
The wind tore people away from me; the rain drowned the people I loved. The lightning supplied deadly illumination and provided flashes of understanding and realisation but as it did so it hit another loved one and ignited them, leaving them alone to burn in the raging chaos around them.  
All the while I stood helpless. The only breaths of fresh air and respites from the heavy rain available to me as I could do barely anything.  
But now it’s different. The storm has passed. Bad weather passes occasionally, as it does for everyone, but my days are primarily filled with sunlight and laughter and joy.   
All in all, bad weather isn’t so dreadful. Ultimately, it makes the good days all the more wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... That's it. Let's all just appreciate that. 
> 
> *appreciating*
> 
> *still appreciating*
> 
> So, now we're all done I expect you will have 1 of 2 reactions. 
> 
> Reaction 1: ITS OVER *throws self on floor and cries dramatically*
> 
> Reaction 2: ITS OVER *Dances around the room and cheers because you were getting tired of the bloody endless angst*
> 
> There is no third option. I'm not letting any of my readers be normal human beings, now am I?
> 
> Guess which one I am. 
> 
> I'm only now realising how mean it is to set up such a happy story and write 18 chapters of fluff, only to RIP EVERYTHING APART so you can't stop reading even though it makes you want to tear your eyes out. Lol sorry bout that.
> 
> Actually being serious (I know! Me?!) thank you so much for reading my lil foray into the world of authoriness. Whether you’ve been here since chapter one was published, or if it’s 2017 (2017 me: ahahahahhahaaa) and you’ve just binge read my entire story (Have Show!Malec been on their first date yet?), thank you. I want to make it clear that while I am going to be marking the story completed and not letting myself go back and change stuff, I will still be monitoring what happens to it. 
> 
> If you have left even one comment, or even just followed or favourited, you have provided that little bit of motivation that kept me from giving up, and you are awesome.
> 
> Talking of awesome people…
> 
> Thank you also to my incredible group chat! We all met through FF.net, reading and reviewing and editing each other’s work, and all of them have been bloody incredible. So, go check out all these authors now you’re done!
> 
> JelloDVDs (Beta)  
> PinkFyulongDragon (Mutual betas)  
> QueenOfDaydream (I betad for her)  
> DareToDream123  
> RosyCat (My parabatai <3)  
> Holly0114  
> (as far as I know, JelloDVDs is the only one who is on AO3 - the rest can be found on FF.net!)
> 
> (2017 me: damnnnnn this was a long time ago! That chat which only had 8 people in it then now has 20!!)
> 
> Thanks also to my IRL friend who offered shit suggestions that ended up with me just writing the plot on the spot to her while she pretended to listen - thanks babe.


End file.
